Recently I have been thinking a lot about my submission and about the type of submissive I am. I seem to travel along quite happily doing my thing and then every so often I will stop to look around and think more deeply about it. This evaluation has always been an important part of my growth. Sometimes it is prompted by a change in circumstances, sometimes by a question someone has asked, or it could be because of something I have read. I think that often all of these parts will work together as the thoughts will go round and round my head and I think and talk and read and mull things over. For me, these periods of reflection are often marked by a shift in thinking and I see them just as part of the learning process, so although I may sound confused, I actually see it as positive thing. Continue reading
HisLordship asked me the other day, why I had wanted D/s – in the beginning that is. This was actually something that I had been meaning to write about, somewhere in between my last few posts but time has not been my friend recently. I suppose it relates a bit to my last post where I wrote about the need to achieve a balance in your relationship which works for both of you. That involves being able to use your strengths while also being supported in the areas that are harder. This balance has to be achieved in the bedroom but also in the other areas of your relationship and I think that, really, was what initially attracted me to the idea of a Dominant submissive marriage. Continue reading
I was reading a post by sayyidsgirl this morning where she was talking about experimenting with Dominance and submission. She explained that her husband ‘wants a strong, confident woman by his side, who enjoys serving him,’ but that he also wants, ‘a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it, including him.’ I think that in some ways this is a conundrum that a number of the married couples who have adopted the dynamic as part of their relationship struggle with, and I think that this is why it can take quite some time to find the balance and the equilibrium between you which suits you both and allows you to grow together and move forward to it, while still preserving the parts of yourself that attracted you in the first place. Continue reading
I am not sure whether it is a threat or a promise, but HisLordship has said more than once that he plans to take some (hopefully semi) naked photographs of me outside. For one reason or another this has not happened yet, and I suppose that by writing this I am actually reminding him of it when that was not my intention. I am unsure as to whether or not that is a wise thing to do; I want to please him of course but I do have some quite strong reservations about it. I have expressed these to him in the past and whether it is that, or that lack of opportunity, or the onset of the colder weather that has stopped him carrying through, I do not know. Continue reading
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
This poem has always summed up how I feel about what HisLordship and I share. I try so hard to express what it is but there are so many facets to how I feel that it is impossible to really capture it as this poem does for me. It was one of the readings at our wedding ceremony and when I told my sister that we had chosen it and she was concerned that it was a bit suggestive. She said that the reference to loving in secret seemed wrong and that we should be out in the open. For me, I feel that you can only truly love or be loved if you have acknowledged that darkness and embraced it. I think she would have been happier if I had seen our love as the salt rose or the topaz, but the dark thing living in between the shadow and the soul was not up her street. Never mind, one man’s pain is another man’s pleasure and all of that.
About a year and a half ago, I began trying a new way of exercising and eating. I have always been conscious of what I ate and the exercise I got but that is not to say that I was always making sensible choices. At points in my life I would be really good, but at others, when things were busy and/or stressful and I felt maxed out, it would all slip a little bit. As someone who had an eating disorder when younger, my feelings around diet and exercise is something that I have to manage, along with some recurring body image issues. I am not suggesting that you can never move on from such a thing – I would say that I certainly have and am pretty healthy both physically and mentally – but I do recognise that there is still a tendency to obsession and unhealthy thinking patterns at times. Continue reading
I read something yesterday which annoyed me. I know that probably I should leave it but then again I have a blog so if I want to rant about something then I have an outlet to do it. Warning – if you are not in the mood for a random rant then please look away now. I really think that I am quite an open-minded person and I am open to people having the views that they do. If they don’t marry up with mine then that is fine. If someone wants to talk complete and utter bollocks then why should it bother me? And yet every once in a while that is exactly what happens. Someone gets my goat with their nonsense and I just want to tell them to get a grip. If there are two types of people who annoy me is it those who are arrogant and those who are fake. Continue reading