dramaThere was a time when I had a lot of drama in my life. This was not necessarily of my choosing but I suppose it was what came as a natural part of my life at the time. I think that when you are a teenager there is often a lot of drama and I see that every day through my work. Then at points in your life, especially if things are not going according to plan, it can creep in again. Sometimes it can be other people who arrive in your life and bring their drama with them and I suppose I have experienced a little of this recently. Continue reading


“What’s on, honey?”


Sometimes I look at the world around me and I wonder why society seems to be so frigid about accepting kink and BDSM. I suppose it has this dark reputation and is viewed as being for those who are a little deviant or out there. However, other times I look and am confused by the double standards. As a teacher of sex education, I do know that here in stuffy old Britain, there is more on our compulsory curriculum about sex than in many of the US states, although I realise that it can vary a lot over there. We are teaching about sex and relationships and will inevitably end up covering the sort of misconceptions that teens are left with, when their most accessible source of information is often porn. Having said that, D/s remains a bit taboo and I have felt for a while that what we need to help our D/s cause is for a sophisticated celebrity couple to come out and endorse our lifestyle – maybe Will and Kate?  Continue reading


labelCategorising and labelling in an essential part of our learning and understanding of what is going on around us. It helps us to link things and by understanding similarities and differences within and between these categories, to arrive more quickly at an interpretation of what we see. By doing this we can process information quite quickly and reach an understanding based on our past experience.  We can then use prediction to hopefully make sense of it all and behave and interact in an way that is appropriate to the situation.  Continue reading

This Thing We Are

“I love you

I posted yesterday about Service. I explained that I’d had a bit of a light-bulb moment regarding the role that service could play in my relationship with HisLordship. Reading the book ‘Real Service’ was enlightening because it presented an alternative view to the one often portrayed in fiction as to what a full-time D/s relationship will look like. I have thought a bit more about the fact that I had not seen this before and have come to the conclusion that it may be because of my motivations for entering this sort of dynamic. Continue reading

What is D/s really about?

DisgustedI was talking to my friend yesterday. She is vanilla but she knows about our lifestyle. She wants to hate everything about it so her first reaction to things is to screw up her face and say, “Oh I’d hate that!” but then she will ask me questions and delve deeper into what things might involve. I guess I’d describe it as a morbid fascination really – she doesn’t want to know but she can’t stop herself from wondering about it. I think that ultimately she struggles to resolve the loving and supportive couple she sees us as, with the stereotype in her head of the dark world of BDSM. Continue reading

Controlling me


I was reading a post by Naughty Nora this morning, ‘The Surrendered Wife’, and it made me think that the strategy she was writing about, detailed in the book she had been reading, was one of the ones that I would use to help pupils to tackle anxiety. In her post, Nora explained one of the exercises that the author of the book, Laura Doyle, suggested you do: Pick a situation where you have been controlling with your husband. “Ask yourself what it was you were afraid would happen?  Was your fear realistic? What was the worst-case scenario? Did needing to control the situation justify losing intimacy with your husband?” This led me to consider the relationship between anxiety and control and the part it played in my D/s.  Continue reading

The Real Me


It is interesting that people form an opinion of you and that rarely seems to change, even when your behaviour and actions don’t seem to support it. I think that for some reason some of my family members don’t see the real person that I am, despite them having evidence from the things that I do. I am not sure that this has very much to do with Domination and submission, although I do feel that as I submissive I have become more confident and comfortable in being the true me. I also feel that living with the dynamic as we do, has made me better able to have the serenity to continue to behave in a way which reflects who I am, rather than being disheartened that I seem to be seen as being less caring, less thoughtful and less kind than I would like to be. Continue reading