Sometimes I want to be nothing. It is a curious feeling and is part of a fantasy which I sometimes have. It has only come along in the last few years, since the D/s and the power play has become much more of a formalised thing for us. During a scene or play, I can acquire that feeling where I seem to leave myself and float on another plane, a bit like something that was nothing would. But this is a bit different to that. I want to be aware of being nothing, because it has happened as a conscious process, rather than it happening as part of what occurs naturally. I want the knowledge that I have been slowly reduced and stripped back until I am no longer part of myself, if that makes sense. Continue reading
Sir has been away from home since Monday and won’t return until tomorrow. The time without him has highlighted how much both me, and our lifestyle have changed since we became D/s. Unlike previous trips, this time he left in a hurry so there was no time to prepare, and I was caught a bit off guard. It has made me aware just how much I have come to rely on him both emotionally and physically. Now he was always a very loving and supportive partner and even before we dated, we were friends, and I knew that he was only ever a call away if I needed something, but this is different. This is about the everyday, maintenance and support that comes with being deeply connected to another person. Continue reading
I sort of feel it may be more appropriate to ask when real life doesn’t interfere with our D/s! I think from the very beginning, well at least after the first week, things started to get in the way of what we wanted to do and where we wanted to take this. But with full-time work, a large family, friends and other commitments, to expect time to immerse ourselves in this new-found dynamic was always a little ambitious. In fact, it was partly because life kept getting in the way that we made the move early on to commit to, (for want of a better term), a 24/ D/s lifestyle . Continue reading
I find that sometimes I can become caught up in life and become passive rather that active in affecting how things play out in our relationship. As a submissive I can justify this, thinking that I have offered myself, therefore I have done my part. But really that is not being fair to my relationship, or to HisLordship. Being submissive does not mean that I am not responsible for contributing in a positive and active way, although it is easy to fall into that, and sometimes when I take stock I realise that my actions have been quite passively submissive. Is it right for me to expect action from my Dominant, simply because I have offered myself in an open-ended way? I am laughing at that expression, considering the type of activity we often engage in. True, I am open (both ends) for use as he sees fit but have I done my part just because this offer is on the table? Continue reading
I often feel that things build for me physically until I get to the point that I have a need for something more extreme. This can be all consuming sometimes and it feels like it will only be properly satisfied by being physically overwhelmed by HisLordship. I suppose it is a bit of a reset but I don’t think that I become bratty in the hope of attracting discipline as it is more of a sexual thing. It feels that it is more about my body than my mind, although I realise that the two are closely linked in terms of the needs being met by his Dominance of me. Continue reading
Sometimes it seems that there is a lot of focus in D/s relationships on kinky sex. Personally, Sir and I love being kinky and exploring that previously denied part of ourselves. But not all sex has to be kinky, and I think that when you enjoy a frequent and regular physical connection, it is not possible to keep things on the edge all of the time. There are some things that we would always want to include in our exchanges and I think that both of us struggle now to really get much from it when things are completely vanilla but as long as there is a twist of Domination and submission there, then we end up feeling pretty satisfied. Continue reading
So to celebrate comic relief day tomorrow, pupils are asked to dress in red. And teachers are asked to dress in school uniform! I was the only one of the teaching staff who seemed to be finding this slightly amusing and slightly inappropriate but I guess that is just my not so guilty conscience. The main concern in the staff room seemed to be either
the lack of a plain white blouse, or finding a pupil to rent from (money goes to charity of course) who’s blazer would fit and have been freshly laundered. Clearly my issue is more whether or not my usual pigtails and knee high socks are a step too far! Should make for an interesting day!