Achieving Intimacy

Achieving Intimacy

This is a partner post to one I have written for The SafeworD/s Club about what intimacy is and how that fits with a D/s lifestyle. While the other post is more informational, I wanted to include some of the more personal side about the things that we do which […]

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Limits and boundaries

Limits, boundaries and submission

I have written generally about limits and boundaries in a post for The SafeworD/s Club. I wanted to make this post more personal to me and about a bit of a defining moment concerning my submission. More specifically it is concerning my submissive headspace, or my submissive space as I […]

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nudity and freedom

Nudity and freedom

I have mixed feelings about nudity. I can find being naked really liberating and sometimes I am totally on board with it, but my fragile body image and body dysmorphia can also make being naked an impossibility. My mixed feelings extend to taking pictures. I tend not to publish those […]

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Watching or being watched

Watching or being watched

If someone asked me, I would say that I don’t enjoy watching or being watched in a sexual sense. I am not an exhibitionist and I am not a voyeur, and yet, there is something about it that does appeal to me. HL watches me all the time. It is […]

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new tell me about

Tell Me About

Back in January 2019 I wrote about the new writing project I had was launching, Tell Me About … Dominance and submission. This came really from me thinking about my direction as a blogger and my place in the writing community. I started my blog to write about D/s as […]

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labels - love them or hate them

Labels – love them or hate them

The topic for Tell Me About this time is labels. Categorising and labelling in an essential part of our learning and understanding of what is going on around us. It helps us to link things and by understanding similarities and differences within and between these categories, to arrive more quickly […]

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submissive journal

Keeping a Submissive Journal

During the first few years of submission I dipped in and out of keeping a submissive journal. It seemed like the right thing to do. I read that it was and I was told that it was, so like the good little submissive I was, I tried it. I can’t […]

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erotic photography and where it fits

Erotic photography and where it fits

This post is about erotic photography and where it fits within our D/s dynamic. I have written about photography before, including pieces about publishing images, and also some pieces which touch on how it can make me feel with regard to my submission to HL. Over the years I have […]

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Where’s the Discipline?

In a D/s relationship the term discipline really covers quite a broad range of areas. While the one which springs to mind would be about rules and the subsequent punishment thereof, there are other areas where it plays a significant part. In my post about Training for The Safeword/s Club, […]

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pleasure like this

I have never known pleasure like this

‘Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.’ Søren Kierkegaard The sexual pleasure that came with the practice of Dominance and submission, sort of hit me in a way which was both unexpected but familiar. It was like something I had always known was possible was but […]

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Offering an act of service

Acts of Service

I wrote about service before, back in August 2017, when I had various revelations about the fact that, despite believing that I was not a service sub, there were elements of my relationship which were acts of service and had a service function to them. My revelations came really due […]

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D/s on Lockdown – dealing with change

I have learnt, the hard way, that a D/s relationship is very susceptible to change. I know that all relationships require adjustments and tweaks in order to accommodate change, but I think, for us at least, the tight sense of structure and routine that supports a D/s lifestyle is easily […]

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wax play

Wax play – burning for it?

Ok I am going to start by saying that while I like wax play, I am not totally into it. I surprised myself by this as I have always loved candles – the look, the feel, the thought. I assumed that because I had played with fire as a child, […]

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Being Respectful

The Tell Me About topic this time is respect and usually I would write about respect in a D/s relationship. But I already did that in this post. I could also write about respecting the rules, but I already did that in this post. Respect is a big thing for […]

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Edge Play

On the Edge play

Content Notice: This post contains details of edge play including knife play, needle play, CNC and breath play. What is edgy for one is not necessarily edgy for another and this post has come at a time when I am not feeling at my most edgy. So consider this a […]

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Codependency - couple with his arm around her

A couple of things about Codependency

I have written a post about codependency and D/s for The SafeworD/s Club which focusses on what makes a healthy relationship, and what a codependent D/s relationship might look like in contrast. I made the point in that post that although some people would see a power exchange as being […]

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romance - extract from valentine by carol ann duffy


I thought that I would start with the Carol Ann Duffy poem, ‘Valentine’ because, through her metaphysical interpretation, she turns on its head our preconceptions of romance, and I have always quite liked that. In comparing love to an onion, she covers many of the aspects of relationships which are […]

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used as ornament - objectification

Objectification as a Kink

I have an objectification kink.  I always feel a bit embarrassed about that because it seems wrong to want such a thing, but then again I guess a lot kink seems a little wrong, in a good way of course.  I don’t enjoy just any objectification though so it has […]

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submissive mindset

Submissive mindset and other thinking parts

So what is a submissive mindset? Generally there is quite a bit of reference on D/s sites to mindset. To me, having a submissive mindset is about the way that I think. It is a state that I am in which is determined by what is going on around about […]

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Control and D/s - the beginning and the end of everything

Control and D/s

The topic this time for Tell Me About is control. I really don’t know if I have any more to say on the subject. And yet I probably do. Why? Well because control is the beginning and the end of everything in D/s really. You can’t have a D/s relationship […]

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