The Howler

HowlerI posted about The Howler in my post Pleasure from Pain. Looking back I see that was written on the 24th May which seems quite some time ago now. We had a quick try of The Howler once it had been assembled, you may remember that the rubber was a gift from Sir’s friend in Norway, and he had added his own wooden ‘shaft’ so that it could be used more easily.  Unfortunately though, we had not had the peace and quiet required in order to road test it properly. I suppose we should be proud that as parents, we have raised a brood who seem to want to be here even when they are not meant to be here, but it can make planning for impact play more of a challenge. Continue reading

More about the sex


Since writing All about the sex? where I explained that although sex is part of our dynamic, there are other key parts too that I feel can sometimes be overlooked, a couple of conversations and a couple of comments have made me think a bit more about sex and the role it plays in our relationship. I think the post came as a reaction to some people who seem to judge D/s by how much play there is, the sort of kinks you are into and the duration and frequency of the scenes that you have. I suppose I wanted to be clear that the way we would measure things ourselves would be to look at the foundations – communication, respect, honesty and trust – as that is what brings about the intimacy and strong connection that we feel both emotionally and physically. Continue reading

Stop running the wheel has stopped


Yesterday was interesting. Sir and I had the chat that I referred to in my last post about how we wanted to use the time over the next few weeks to work on some of the areas of our D/s that we would like to develop.  We talked a lot about being spontaneous and about the fact that I wanted him to make more demands of me. Through discussion we came to realise that this was as much about the physical part of the power exchange as it was about the other parts, which actually brought me to another post.  However, this post is about what happened when he put this into play and why it is that I need to spend some time on getting my head where we both want it to be.  Continue reading

Pleasure from Pain


I used to think that I had a high pain threshold but since starting this journey and talking to some masochists I am less clear about that. I think that I have a good level but when you play in the safety of your own home, without an audience, you really don’t have much to compare it with.  I know that I like the ache of his nipple clamps.  I know that I enjoy the sting of his hand, the slap of his crop and the thud of his paddle. I also know that I melt at the pull of my hair and the fire of his cane and that sometimes I burn to feel pleasure in the way that only the edge of pain can bring me. However, I do think that although sometimes I feel that I need the pain, it brings the pleasure to me, rather than being pleasure on its own.
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Consensual Non-Consent

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This is a post for a number of reasons.  It is partly a follow on from my last post on Consent and D/s which became too long to add anything else. It is also partly in response to last weekend when we were away together and HisLordship requested the presence of the birthday Elf. And finally, I received another prompt during the week as part of the Loving BDSM 30 days of D/s and it asked about consent and consensual non-consent.  Whatever the stimulus, one way or another I have had a week where I was not able to read anything never mind write anything, so it has taken a long time in coming.  Continue reading

Consent and D/s


Consent is a serious topic and it is a complicated and contentious area in BDSM. For us consent is always present unless a safe word is used, but in reality Sir would never ask me to do something that I didn’t want to. The level of trust we have is huge and it means that consent is not really something that we think about, so for me personally, I take a pretty relaxed view. At work, however, I have to make sure that young people understand the importance of making sure that consent in present at the time. We also make sure that they know what the law surrounding sex and consent means for them. One of the great resources we use compares consent to having a cup of tea and this helps to make the point. So I suppose I want to make it clear that what I am writing about here is about how consent works in our D/s marriage, and to make the point that I don’t advocate this being appropriate for other types of relationship, and that I realise our practices may leave us on the wrong side of the law, if it ever came to that.  Continue reading

Hot Stuff

So I got my need met, and some. As it turned out, Sir had planned to play anyway so my cry for help was well timed.  I thought, actually that he hadn’t seen my post as I published it just before we started watching a film together with my daughter.  After that we went to bed and he hadn’t mentioned anything about it so I assumed that he had not read it.  I guess he did this while I was in the bath or when I was waiting for him to come through.  He had told me to lie on top of the covers to wait for him. He handed me a garter to wear on my right leg and told me how he wanted to find me upon his return.  Continue reading