I feel like I have had one of those great light-bulb moments of enlightenment about my submission, HisLordships’s Dominance and how that works within our D/s relationship. How has this come about three years down the road? Like most things really. By chance, by being open to new things, by looking and listening, and by having the desire always to be learning. This desire to learn comes particularly for me in terms of my D/s as that is important to me. I also have a desire to learn about people, about how minds work and about how you can shift your thinking in order to change your own reality. These are things that interest me of course and I have less desire to learn about things which don’t – how to use SEO for example – although where there is a need, purpose or gain there is a motivation. Continue reading


More Discipline

disciplineIf you follow my blog, you will already have read my post on Discipline and Punishment and will know that punishment has never formed a big part of our dynamic. We did try it initially of course as we had read that was what you were supposed to do. It didn’t really work. We are not a couple who use punishment with our kids and prefer to sort things out by discussion so it seemed odd and uncomfortable not to that with each other too. We also found that when things went ‘wrong’ that usually we both had a part to play in it. I won’t say that we have never used punishment because we have, and I wrote about one occasion where it seemed necessary in my post Meltdown.   Continue reading


How may I serve you, HisLordship-I have always said that I am not a ‘service sub’. My evidence for this has been the fact that I don’t particularly like doing chores (it certainly doesn’t turn me on) and that I complete household tasks as and when required and because they need to be done, so it has never really been linked to my D/s relationship. However, one of my friends recommended a book called ‘Real Service’, see Little Pearls Site, where she wrote an excellent review of the book. This book has got me really thinking and I realise now that I was totally mistaken in my understanding (or rather my misunderstanding) of what a service submissive was.  Continue reading

Patience and Sub-frenzy


I have never been a patient person. If there is something ahead, good or bad, I am inclined to want to get on with whatever it is. I don’t like waiting, and really I am not very good at it. I get a bit stressed and do not engage as much in what I have at the time, as I am looking forwards to the part that is coming next. I have to say that D/s was a HUGE test for me in this way, and I am also glad to say that it has taught me a thing or two about living in the moment and trying not to rush ahead. Of course I still have a lot to learn from others around me and am fortunate to have some friends who are really inspirational in the way they manage things.  Continue reading

Active Submission

Active submission is the topic for the chat we are having tonight at The SafeworD/s Club so, as I was doing some preparation for that anyway, I thought that I may as well form it into a post. The great thing about talking about a topic is that you are able to learn from others so I am sure by tomorrow I will have some revisions, or at the very least some additions but hopefully this will be enough thought to get things going. I wrote a post Actively Submissive when we had not long started D/s. I actually wrote it for another site and it was never published so when I started my blog it seemed a natural thing to publish it here, but reading back I see that the style is more tailored to it’s original destination than it is to the style that I have developed so it reads more prescriptively than I am really comfortable with now; however, my opinion is still the same in that I believe that sometimes a more active form of submission is needed when you are living a 24/7 D/s dynamic.  Continue reading

Spotlight on Communication


I mentioned in School’s Out for the Summer that Saturday mornings are one of the scheduled times that HisLordship and I devote to honest, open discussion.  It occurred to me then that I had never really written anything about how we build this sort of communication in to our dynamic.  It is so important and is also one of the things that really changed how we worked together and although I wrote about the importance of it in my early post, Communication , I didn’t give much specific detail on how we make it work for us. Continue reading

Intimacy and Vulnerability

I wrote about Vulnerability in a previous post and my main focus then was reflecting on the journey that I had been through in terms of making myself more vulnerable to HisLordship. I see it as being such an important part of our relationship and I wrote about how I have come to see vulnerability not as a weakness but as a strength, as it binds you and allows you to become more intimately entwined. Deep intimacy requires that you are open and transparent with your partner and, although this can make you feel a bit uncomfortable or anxious, with practice this is something that you can and will be able to change.  Continue reading