HL enjoys taking pictures of me. It can be a real connector although it is something that I have also struggled with. Because of the way I feel about myself it is easier to drift off and not really focus on the way that I am perceived in the present. This is part of feel excessively self-conscious and it can really hold me back. Being in my submissive headspace really helps as it allows me to leave some of that self-regulation behind and just be. It is a relief. It is relaxing and freeing to just be in these moments.
I was looking through our pictures and thinking about the upcoming Tell Me About prompt on voyeurism which opens on Sunday. This also ties in with the current 4 Thoughts prompt on The Gaze in Sex or Kink. I will write about that at a later point but I realised in looking through the pictures how many HL takes which are just catching the every day moments. There are pictures of discarded clothing, of me getting dressed or undressed, of the moments when we are not taking pictures but just chatting or bathing or putting on makeup etc.
I have always discarded these pictures as not anything I would post. Like the one above they are snapshots in time and show clearly that I am not aware that the picture is being taken. There are actually loads taken through an open door, or from another room, and I realised that it is really a big part of what he does. He watches a lot and I have always known that; it isn’t a thing, it is just a thing that he does. It doesn’t do anything but it means something and it was actually quite nice to go back and have a look with a different eye at the memories contained in these images.
I wrote a piece years ago about our initial memories. We didn’t have pictures of them, but it felt to me that if we had used an album to mark out the key points in the development of our relationship, Pictures of Us (which forms part of an Advent gift) would have been what was stored in that book. So I have chosen to share this picture for the first MONOCHOMEROTIC prompt because it is typical of us, and of the way we interact and the way we behave. It shows the behind the scenes to some of the other images I have published previously and so it seemed a good place to start.
It was taken during one of our Malmaison visits where taking pictures was going to be part of what we did. It feels like a lifetime away at the moment due to circumstances, but seeing it took me straight back to how that feels and why we both love those moments shared. It is taken as I am about to get changed out of this outfit and so am removing my underwear. It is busy and not staged in any way. The tripod is visible, having given up on that for the day, and although HL is still taking pictures I am focussed on my own thoughts of what is coming next and so am not aware of that.
I am excited to get back to taking pictures more regularly as this is something that does really connect us. It is also helpful for my body image and to challenge the dysmorphic thoughts that I can have. We have planned a couple of nights away together to an apartment up north, and I can’t wait to be immersed in each other with no outside distractions again. It feels like so long of making do. It feels like too long of making do, and this image is a positive reminder to me of why.
To see who else is posting images for MONOCHROMATIC, click the button to head to the site.