Memoir – Becoming a submissive wife
Joining an online D/s community was a huge step for us. We had been operating for the past few years on our own trying to make things stick. We had found a way in terms of our newly found commitment to making the dynamic work and we had introduced more structure and formality with this shift to a ’24/7′ style relationship. I would like to say that this counteracted all of the self-doubt but really, that would just be wishful thinking. We had done a lot of fruitless research, looking for something that would help, and then one day, HL came across an online community. He sent me the link and, in true Dominant fashion, asked me to go on and have a look, then left for work.
The site itself was for submissives and I gingerly went on for a look. I created a profile and was clicking randomly on the menu when a box popped up with a couple of people talking. This is going back in time a bit and so, although live chat was available to those who sought it out, it wasn’t part of most commercial sites you go to like it is now so was new to me. I watched for a moment and then loaded another page. The box followed me and popped up again. I looked.
“Hello MrsW!” it said.
I looked around, a stupid response I know, but it did feel like I was being watched. In for a penny and in for a pound, I thought.
“Hello :)” I replied.
And that was it really. I spoke to ‘BK’ who made me feel welcome, and that was the day I came out, albeit still only to the online world, as a submissive. It was a big deal. I hadn’t told anyone up until that point that I was submitting to my husband. In admitting that to others, I felt I had become it myself, and so in some senses that cemented my identity as a sub. As time wore on, I grew tired of the terminal intros whenever someone new came along. “I am Mrs W, married to HisLordship and live in the UK. I am in my 40s, have lots of kids and have been D/s for ……., but saying it out loud those first few times, sort of made it real.
The emphasis was on 24/7 D/s and so I always started my D/s counter from the formal commitment we made back on our honeymoon. Really we were ‘doing D/s’ in the bedroom, even if a little badly for at least 2 years prior to that, but I took a clean slate and tried to fit in as the new girl, because of course, I knew I was there to learn. It was interesting the way that being a member of that site made me feel. It cemented what we were doing, it gave me an outlet to learn and share, and it helped me to make friendships, some of which I still have today.
There were issues too though. Most of the members were from the US and so the times didn’t work well. BK was from New Zealand, I don’t think she slept, and she was battling a porn addiction so she was the exception in that she was always willing to talk, but otherwise, most of the fun was had when I was asleep. There were others who were friendly too though and, in time, I found my way to some other Europeans, and they to me. HL and I got on well (he was on the Dominant version of the site) and soon, I was promoted to ‘UK Ambassador.’ I put a flag on the front of the car that day, I’ll tell you! Anyway, this lead me to running chats at a time suited for those ‘this side of the pond’ and I actually got a lot out of it.
Despite their rather prescriptive ways, the fact that you could only regurgitate the owner’s ideas of the one true way, and their tendency to stick a TM on anything that moved, I was sharing and learning and growing as a submissive. I had support, I had peers, and although I was never part of ‘the inner circle’ (story of my life) I was happy. I have to say, it made a big difference to be able meet like minded people who could support each other with learning about the whys and wherefores of an alternative lifestyle.
Alas all good things must come to an end and, after a time, I could see that things were not right. We had, perhaps, become too involved. We wanted to help and put something back and maybe we became viewed more as a threat than a resource. I have encountered community narcissists more than once, and when you start to think for yourself in a way which doesn’t always fit in with their world view, they usually try to get rid of you in a dramatic turn of events which suggests everything is your fault, and you (the accused) find yourself guilty of hurting them (the victim) and are tried without jury and immediately excommunicated.
In reality, my crime was to start my blog which was seen as ‘soliciting’ and I was immediately stripped of my title (oh the ambassadorial flag, I miss that so) and found myself blocked, then reinstated as a basic member when I challenged it, without friends or any history or credit for the content I had contributed there. Not to worry. This was just the beginning and something else big was about to happen. I love my blog, I love my own online community, and I love being a submissive who found her own true way. So thank you for everything, today is, as they say, another day.
I decided to take part in Mrs Fever’s summer writing project which involves writing memoir. This is the fifth part to my memoir about becoming a submissive wife. The prompt this time was big, and for us this fits as taking the step to join an online community was a big step at the time in terms of its significance but it was also big in terms of the impact of the friendships we made. If you would like to know more about this project then follow the link and head over to Mrs Fever’s site.
To read the other parts to my memoir, please follow this link:
Becoming a submissive wife
For anyone who is reading who is thinking, OH MY GOODNESS, if only I could find a community where I could have the learning, the sharing and the friendship without all the backstabbing Mean Girls shit, I HAVE ONE. It is called The SafeworD/s Club and it operates live chats at UK times. We also have forums and a blog for those who prefer to the get involved that way, and we would love to see you there.
I have also linked this post to Wicked Wednesday this week as the prompt is adventure. Not only was joining a submissive community an adventure in itself at the time, it also led to where I am now which has been a definite adventure in so many ways. I have a blog that has grown from nothing into a place that people come to visit and we have built a community where we are able to share and learn from like minded individuals. In fact, the whole D/s journey has been the biggest adventure of my life so to link one of my memoirs about becoming a submissive wife, seemed appropriate and on topic. To see the other entries for this week, please click the button above.