A block on the blog front
Writing, blogging in my case, is a way to process my emotions and, in doing so, to deal with them. Recently there have been things that I wanted to say, but this has not been the forum for my words. It has been difficult to stay silent and not express what I really think, but I have also always felt that there should be a point and a purpose in publishing my words. There is a lot that is said here on my blog, but there are also other things which are not. There are a variety of reasons for this.
Sometimes I have to be candid with the details of what I say because it involves other people who may not want things to be written down in black and white. I respect that, while my intention is to share things which have impacted on me, I may also be sharing what impacts on them so I have to bear that in mind when I write. I also have to be mindful of the fact that my vanilla like and my kink life need to be kept separate, so there has to be some level of anonymity in terms of the detail that is included in that sense too.
Sometimes I don’t say what is on my mind because I am aware it could have a negative effect. I try to think about the impact that my words will have on others, as well as the impact they will have on me. Sometimes I know that the shitstorm that could come from them is really not worth it. Often I am reminded that while many will understand, there is a faction out there who won’t and so I temper my feelings and don’t allow them to run wildly all over the page. I have ranted on here a few times because I felt it was helpful and allowed me a place, but I have wondered in other ways if it was what I should be doing.
It is nonsense in some ways as I like reading writing which has passion and purpose. I feel that, the past while, I have been influenced negatively into diluting what I set out to do by trying to fit into a style and a type which was never suited to me. There is a freedom in being able to readdress your sense of style but I am aware of the need to also be careful and sensible about what I say. I ma trying to make changes slowly to shift my attentions and be truer to myself, but this is a process which will not happen overnight.
Knowing your Audience
I am also aware that many of my readers have found me via a google search for married submissive or some such term, so they might be surprised to find a random diatribe about something which seems completely off topic. There are other readers, however, who are regular visitors and form part of what I see as my community, my tribe. Often, although not exclusively, these are other bloggers who are writing about some of the same sort of lifestyle topics as I am, or indeed living that lifestyle. We become online friends and often that means they have seen a different side to me and be aware of what is going on.
If i think about them then I can feel that it would be ok to share things and be temped to do so, but I always have to keep in mind that I am releasing the words to a wider audience than I will ever really know. That is exciting but also sobering and at times, holds me from saying what I might otherwise have shared. So what is the point of this post? Although it wasn’t my intention in setting up my blog, writing has become a method which helps me to process my emotions. It allows me not only to process my thoughts and feelings, but also to understand and resolve them.
Writing to process, understand and resolve emotions
This has led to blogging becoming an important part of my self-care and something that I use to vent and strengthen my own mental health. For anyone who reads regularly this will be clear from the content that has filled this space over the past while. Because this is an effective strategy for me, I sometimes feel that not being able to write what my brain wants to causes a blockage and stops my creativity and productivity in terms of my general writing. This is what I feel right now. I have things to say but am stopping myself from saying them.
For the past while I have seen the words push themselves into some of my other posts and permeate what I am writing as I try process them in the background. I have abandoned a number of posts for this reason and my drafts box has never been fuller than it is right now. The words want to come and in holding them back, I am stifling myself. And yet to let them come now would not be the right thing, so although this is a vague and rambling post which probably makes very little sense, I am hoping that writing it will provide me the respite that I need. At least for a while.
I can’t exactly describe how I feel, but it’s not quite right.F. Scott Fitzgerald
And it leaves me cold.
I have tried to take action to counter what I am feeling but my emotions run deep. Sometimes things are just too big, too significant to shape into something that can be understood. And although to write about it at this time is not really viable, I know that ultimately it probably will happen as otherwise the words will form and as my thoughts consolidate, they will find a way to make themselves heard. Writing has become such a big part of who I am that it is difficult at times to silence the need to put things down on paper.
For those who are interested, Writing, Blogging and Journalling will be the Tell Me About ... topic from 21st June – 4th July, so I am sure there will be lots of interesting posts about how writing works for others coming up soon.