hug

A hug a snug and a fug

I am a bit mixed on hugging. I do like it but only with the right person. I know that there are lots of health benefits to hugging due to the release of Oxytocin and dopamine, but I would be choosy about who I wanted to hug really. If I knew you well then it would be ok but I don’t enjoy it when it seems forced upon me: the non-consensual hug is not for me and can sometimes make me feel a bit awkward.

From weak to strong

The type of hugs that I tend to get from friends are different to the type I get from HL if I am upset. This is also ok but I wouldn’t want to swap them around. The weak hug is a sort of touch for convention’s sake. It says, I like you so I feel its ok to come into your personal space to let you know I care, but this is just a fleeting thing. The strong hug that I would get from HL says, you are safe here with me because I love you so it is ok just to let go.

They are very different but each type has its own purpose and its own value. And when I say weak and strong I mean the force of the hug rather than the importance or the impact. Each type can make me feel emotions which are positive, and while I am not a huge hugger, I do think there is a time and a place where nothing else quite works like a good old hug does.

The snug

While I might not be the first to hug others I don’t know well, I have always been big on hugs with my kids. When children are little it is such an important part of communication and closeness and when I hugged mine I always felt that it allowed both of us to feel calm, and close, and loved. It was a shared thing and from the extended hug, a hug which lasted longer and sort of went into a snuggle in together to watch TV or something, the snug was born.

Once I had more than one child, the ‘snug space’ where they could be nestled up close to me became much in demand. We had to create a second snug space which was of lesser popularity but still felt like a nice place to be. I loved feeling physically close to my children like that when they were young and now that they are all way too big to fit into any space like that, even if they wanted to, we sometimes joke and reflect back on it.

The fug

The fug was something that arose from early times spent with HL. We were desperate to be together and often would crave contact with each other, just to feel the closeness of the person you really want to be with. We noticed quite quickly that, although innocent at first, often the hug would develop into something much more. We dubbed the hug into fuck to be the fug. It wasn’t like a usual fuck but more of a hug where we became so aware of each other that our needs took over, and before we knew it, penetration had occurred.

The future of hugs

I think that the current state of affairs with social distancing, isolation and now, lock down, has meant that so many of the hugs we relied on are no longer available. It has made me realise how much we do hug and touch others, just by way of letting them know that we are there. It felt odd to have to stop and it has really made me notice how I feel when something I take for granted is no longer part of life.

I was working in a school until the end of last week and so, not knowing when I would see her again, I hugged one of my colleagues by way of a goodbye at the end of the day. It felt almost illicit as much of the world was already keeping their distance from others. We had worked in such close contact that a hug between us was hardly a risk, and yet it felt poignant in that neither of us knew when it would be ok for us to do something like that again.

I believe that when all of this is over, the world will be a changed place. Many of the changes unfolding in front of us now are negative and in some ways, the loss of parts of our lives has changed things forever. I do think that positive changes will come out of it too though, and I imagine that our social conscience, our appreciation of the value of others, and our desire to express this by hugging more freely, just because we can, will be things that we will want to embrace.

So until then, stay safe and stay well. Sending you all virtual hugs!

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25 Comments

  1. The fug… I like that 😉
    Like you, cuddles with my kids, and now with my grandkids are really so special and a way to connect with them, and I still hug my kids a lot, although not a the moment. I too believe things are going to change a lot while we are into this social distancing period, and there are things, like hugs, we will appreciate a lot more once this is all over. And sooner, rather than later, but I think we will be in this lockdown state for longer than we care to think of now. Stay safe and healhy!

    Rebel xox

  2. I agree. Hugs are now almost a thing of the past. I won’t hug my dad as he is 89– virtually 90 and this illness is critical for him to avoid. I don’t think I have it but better safe than sorry. I do go out to grocery shop. I do put gas in the cars. So I am in the community and therefore have no idea what I am exposed to. I try and keep my distance from people but it isn’t always possible. So I really only hug my Queen. Even the two children who are currently with me I am not really hugging. Both of them are still working as their jobs are considered essential. So both of them are in the community. And my Queen still works in the community for one of her jobs as it is considered essential as well.

    • I am sorry that you are missing so many of your usual forms of contact. It really makes you appreciate what you have, doesn’t it? Better to be safe for now though ?

  3. Great post Missy. I loved those days with my boys, when we would snuggle on the sofa and read or watch TV. I think physical contact is very important to us all and I am a tactile person so I will often comfort and hug people in distress. I find it hard not to, but of course always obtain consent.

    I love the fug. This was a common practice for us before S2 arrived on the scene. Not so much since but I love it when it does happen.

    Sweetgirl x

  4. I love hugs! All the three categories! With different people of course. I never had them when I was growing up so i max out on them now! My granddaughter loves songs. Rex’s kids and grandchildren always crowd in for them. Even the 15 year old boy lies next to me on the couch and we snug!
    Rex? Well we spend lots of the day having fugs! He signals the next stage with his willy! Up it comes! He is so predictable!
    We both loved the post!
    Xxxx
    Naomi

  5. I very much agree with you. I’m not a hugger either, but feel like I’ve denied myself of something big and meaningful, now that hugging is not an option.

    Mrs k

    • We often seem value the things we don’t have after they have gone. Hopefully we will hold onto that thought ?

  6. I have always been a hugger. My parents really are not at all but for me it has been an important thing. I still hug with my kids even now they are both bigger than me. Although the last time I saw my son (just over a week ago) we didn’t hug because he has been out in the world and I have not and I am in the vulnerable group. It was horrible to not hug like we usually do.

    I hope that when this is over the world has changed a bit in the sense that we value essential/key workers more and CEO’s etc less but I hope that hugging is something we don’t lose. I think it is a fundamental need in humans to want physical touch with others

    Molly

  7. I love hugging my daughter so much. Sometimes she struggles and wants to go back to her toys and I tell her “this is good for your mental health later” 😉 (btw…fug…it’s just a great word)

  8. “before we knew it, penetration had occurred”.
    I feel this is how quite a lot of our sexual contact happens now ?. I feel like I can relate to a lot of this, another enjoyable post missy

  9. “, and before we knew it, penetration had occurred.”
    That just made me laugh –

    i do agree that when this is over things will be different. And as the years go by events will be separated into before covid19 and after covid19. In a similar way that previous generations talked about before and after the war.
    Virtual hugs to u too lovely Missy xx

  10. I like how you explained the difference between a hug with a partner and friends. It’s very relatable. And ai love how fug came about, haha!
    I think you’re right in that we’ll indeed come out in a different world. Let’s hope it’s a better one, somehow

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