wearing his collar and cuffs out to dinner

Wearing his collar and cuffs

dressed up wearing his collar and cuffs our to dinner

I get ready as usual in the clothes that we have agreed I will wear. I see that on the counter, he has set out my play collar and cuffs.  It is not unusual to see them because often a hotel stay will include some heavier play and I know that he likes to see me in things which mark me out as his. I wonder what he feels. I wonder what he thinks. We are so close and yet, so much remains a mystery. I know what he likes and I know how he likes me to be, but still I can worry and fret and feel uncertain.

This time I am pretty certain he will like the dress on me. He bought it for me and was happy when I suggested wearing it. But there is that part of me which doubts, not him but myself. I am not sure I look as he imagined I would. I doubt whether or not I look good enough. I feel sort of sexy but also self-conscious. I feel as if I am being seen for the very first time, despite the fact that he saw me many years ago and all of the thousands of days since. It is like I am new in someway. Waiting. Wondering.

All of this taps into my own insecurities and pushes me further into a submissive state. I am doing this for him. It becomes not about me and how I look, but about what he feels and thinks about me. In the same way that I have dressed for years wondering what others will think, at this point it matters only about him. When he comes into the room I can tell straight away and I slowly I release the breath that I didn’t know I was holding. I feel myself physically starting to relax when it comes.

It hits me without warning which seems odd considering. I wonder if he is joking, but I look at his face and it is serious. Implacable. I don’t have to consider any further as I see him striding purposefully towards the table where his collar and cuffs sit. The terminology of possession strikes me as odd but at this moment they shift from being the collar and cuffs to his collar and cuffs. And then it happens, the first realisation that soon they will be seen as mine. Not by me or by him, but by others. Surely he wouldn’t. Not here. Not now.

And yet I know that this will happen. I can see it in his movement and I have heard it in his voice. Such a small thing really, and yet so big. To do this here. To do this today. It is not the first time I have worn these items out, but it is the first time in this sort of setting. I think then about all of the things I have written, of all of the things I have said and I want to grasp desperately at them, clutching and grabbing to pull them all back in, take them all back so that I am able to wriggle out of this situation I have got myself into.

It doesn’t happen of course. I am demure and compliant. I wonder if he sees the defiance and disbelief in my eyes. I wonder what he thinks and if he worries at all what others will say, about me but about him too. What sort of man …..? But if any of that crosses his mind it does not show as he fastens the clasps around my wrists and my neck. He smiles when he bends to tell me I look fucking hot and he sounds sexy when he says, see what you do to me? and presses my hand onto the bulge in his jeans.

And it almost feels normal and acceptable as we make our way to the restaurant. In the corridor I laugh, and in the lift I am drawn into him as he pushes me back against the mirror and kisses me hard. I am lost in the bubble that he creates around us and I feel as if it has always been meant to be this way and what do I care what the fuck people think. Until the server says good evening and asks if we have a booking, and her eyes move slowly to my collar taking it all in; I see her face change.

I feel my face flush in response and I tighten my hold on his hand. He doesn’t tremble. His voice is clear as he says who we are and he follows her, leading us to the table. My eyes are cast down but I can feel the change as people see us. A sort of hush ensues as we walk by and then I am sure that I hear whispers, barely discernible. They fade to the edges like a lens blur and all that I see and think is him. I push them away, and they push me into a place where I am what I am, and what I need to be.

It all becomes easier once we are seated and I look at him and forget everything and everyone else. I am swimming,treading water in the sea of my feelings and it is hard to describe. We talk for a bit and I calm down, relaxing a little into the occasion until the waiter appears and hands him the menu. I sit quietly and feel as though I am not really apparent, hidden as I am by his presence.  I am caught off-guard, therefore, when he hands me a menu and then notices my collar and wrist cuffs and it all starts again.

By the time the meal has been ordered and served, I feel that everyone has become acclimatised to the way things are with us. They no longer look at me directly, or ask me questions. They deal with him, and he deals with me. They seem content to allow us to create our own rules around ourselves and they alter their etiquette to suit. I wonder again what he thinks and how he feels. He doesn’t bat an eye as he stands up to leave and offers me his arm. I take it, gladly and go with him, leaving the onlookers to wonder and whisper and take their thoughts home.

Sinful Sunday
Masturbation Monday
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Posted in Creative non-fiction, Feeling Good, Projects, Style, Throwing Caution To The Window.

65 Comments

  1. Sounds delightful. I don’t have any collar cuff sets like these but I have worn my play collar out to the restaurant. I also have the chainmaille sets Mr H made but I haven’t worn them yet either. A leather set is something I would like though ??

    Sweetgirl x

    • I do like them although the collar is quite deep so it means I have to hold my head up quite well or it digs in. ?

    • Thank you Francesca. It is based on real experience but I tried to write it in a more creative way. I added a creative non-fiction category a while back so that I could write about some of my experiences in a slightly different way than usual. I hope it worked ?

    • Thank you Elliott. I felt a bit funny adding a clothed picture for Sinful Sunday. It seems odd to feel awkward because a picture is ‘too normal’ but interesting all the same. ?

      • Sinful Sunday does not mean Naked Sunday. Clothed pictures can be far sexier. I thought this was a very sexually arousing photo. At least it was for me, Missy.

        Oh, by the way, did you happen to read my story about the stripper?

        • Thank you so much. It felt odd to be more nervous posting that as if he was somehow more revealing.

          I didn’t read your story but will go and look for it now! ?

  2. You look amazing, I can’t quite imagine going through that scene but think I’d be feeling all the same emotions x

    • It was a push at first and I worry about it as it still is definitely outside my comfort zone but I do also like the way that makes me feel. ?

  3. Oh my! You have done such an amazing job of describing the internal struggle of this moment. I feel I would have much the same stew of emotions! I rode this ride with you the entire time, tense and unsure until the end…when it, indeed, seemed to matter little what anyone else thought!

    • Thank you Brigit. It is always one of those feelings that is difficult to describe. The wanting and the not wanting at the same time. The caring and the not caring too. I am really glad that it came across as I intended it to ?

    • Thank you DS. I love that discomfort if I am being honest. I will try to get out of it but when I am pushed past it, I really love the way that makes me feel ?

  4. I admit, as audacious as I feel I am at times, I couldn’t pull this off without a LOT of discomfort. I’m pondering it still, after having read this this morning. Huh. How’s that?

    Love the coordinating outfit, cuffs and collar!

    • That sort of thing is just on the edge for me too. I am an emotional masochist though so I get off on the cognitive dissonance that occurs for me. ?

  5. The headspace putting those things on puts you in is just intense. It’s amazing how the mind flips, but I wonder if the Dom plays a role in that. It makes me miss having a collar and belonging to someone

    • I know what you mean and I think the Dom definitely plays a role. Without that I would not be able to do it. I am sure that you will wear one again at some point when the time and the situation is right for you ❤️

  6. I love this. I love pushing boundaries in a safe way. I remember being in a restaurant once, probably about 10 years ago, and there was a cute young couple sitting at an adjacent table. When I looked up, she was wearing a simple black leather collar with a d-ring proudly in front. The contrast of being in public in a vanilla world with the D/s subtilty wasn’t, and obviously hasn’t been, lost on me. I’ve thought about that often. Makes me wonder if you have had the same effect on some of the restaurant patrons that evening?

    • Ooo that would be exciting. I would like to wear it out more but I think I need something a little smaller. We talked about a holiday collar which I think might work well for when we are away from home. I definitely couldn’t do it here! ?

  7. I have done this in the past but not with a dress that showed it off quite so much as this. Your description makes it sound super hot and whilst I have mixed feelings on collars at the moment this makes me want to get over that

    Mollyx

    • This sort of thing is hot for me now but I can see it might change. Good job there are so many different options for keeping us all feeling the heat ?

  8. Such a beautiful and striking image. I love wearing my collar out (in other cities) it’s rather interesting how many people notice it and smile or almost give a sort of nod towards it. Love your tale.
    Missy x

  9. Beautifully written. Very teasing. It is foreplay in words.
    My own writings are far more explicit (although still erotic as opposed to porn!), so I think this far more subtle arousal is very clever writing.
    Exciting scenario. Gives me an idea for my wife for Valentine’s Day! Have to have a camera ready to record the look on the face as she opens them!

  10. You look absolutely stunning! I love how everything is so coordinated. And that story was very hot as well!

  11. This is really well written and portrays that internal struggle so acutely, it’s fascinating to me too as I still remember feeling so conflicted about being seen with my collar and latex on the few occasions we were staying away for TG and knowing I was being looked at and how it may have made the onlookers feel. You look stunning in the shot, very sophisticated.

    • Thank you so much kis. I do remember the first time we stepped out like that – it was indeed exciting and scary at the same time. Seems a long time ago now! ❤️

      • Yes it does, it is really. I think, for me, standing waiting on a lift in a hotel lobby and walking out past reception into the street whilst being stared at by an older couple and others was really hard, even though I knew he was right next to me. Knowing my collar and latex stockings were visible even under my long coat. I felt I was imposing it on them somehow. I don’t know, it was a strange combination of feelings.

        • So not all positive. I think it’s hard if you feel that you have made others uncomfortable. Surprise or intrigue is good but discomfort is not ?

  12. I love how beautifully you’ve captured the struggle of finding that place of acceptance and submission within yourself. This is a scenario that I find incredibly hot and would love to experience myself one day.

    • Thank you Quinn. I am glad that the internal struggle and acceptance came across. It is something that I love to hate in a sense ?

  13. I can relate to how you have those doubts and feelings about whether you look good enough even though also knowing that you’re wearing exactly what he wants and him having seen you many times before.

    I am so impressed by your ability to do this for him despite feeling so scared of doing it. I would be absolutely terrified wearing something like this in public.

    • I think it’s easier if you don’t feel you will see anyone you know. And then you sort of slip into it just being about the two of you anyway ?

  14. Great pic and totally hot and delightful story. I would so love to experience something like this!! Slightly jealous as I’m sure there was some reality behind the story. ?

  15. The cuffs and collar go SO well with your dress, so I can absolutely see it all together. I also immediately wondered how I would react if JB wanted something similar. I’d like to think I’d consent to it. And that bubble they can create around us/them is amazing. It doesn’t happen a lot, but it’s one of the few times I really can ignore the world around me.

    • Yes I know what you mean. I think an awful lot has to do with the Dom. If they take it on then you can let go and not worry somehow. But if they are unsure then it will never happen ?

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  17. You are stunning!! I wore my collar out for the first time in public over 4 years in New York City.He asked and I obeyed. I could only do it with anonimity. I was a relatively new sub wanted to show my devotion. I was out of my comfort zone but knew I would be save and my Dom proud of me. Four years later, i was wearing my collar in my home when I video called my daughter. Her first words, Why are you wearing a collar?? I dont want to know. I put the phone down and took it off. I didnt know what to say and now I feel very uncomfortable that my “secret” is out…

    • That sounds really hard. I hope that you are able to have the discussion and relive things with your daughter. When that happened to me I wrote to her explaining and reassuring her which seemed to help ?

  18. That must have been a difficult conversation to have with your daughter. Mine said it of “off the cuff”.. like more curious and not upset. She didnt appear to make a big deal and we went ahead with our conversation She is 35 and not quite a purtian herself and kind of knows i’m not either so frankly she wouldnt have been surprised! . We have had several reguarl chats since and it seems she is giving it no more thought and we are just going ahead like it never happened. I told my Dom I am so comfortable wearing it that now that I am working from home during this viral outbreak I have to have video conferences. He agreed to allow me to now wear my collar during work hours. You are such an inspiration to me and I have learned so much from you. Thank you.

    • Oh wow. What a lovely thing to say. That means a lot to me. And I am glad that things have moved on with your daughter. Feeling able to be true to yourself is so important ❤️

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