the hows and whys of fisting

The hows and whys of fisting

I have written about what we get out of fisting before and also about why sometimes it meets a need that nothing else can, but I don’t think I have ever got down to the nitty gritty of fisting itself. So that is what I plan to do in this post and explore in more detail the hows and whys of fisting as we do it.  Fisting isn’t something that we had ever really done pre D/s but it was something that came up fairly quickly once we started to push our boundaries and explore BDSM. We had always been kinky but suddenly things which hadn’t happened before became real possibilities.

I should point out that what I am writing about here is vaginal fisting. I do know that others venture into the anal territory and I have watched it on a video once but ouch, that is not for me. I imagine I am not that stretchy and even if you told me that scientifically I was, I tend to think my brain is not that pliable and so psychologically I would close down long before anything that large went up there. And talking about size is important. HL is not small-made and his fist is a large item to take. This was probably the first issue we wrestled with.

Size matters

So I am not sure what the text books say, but it will make a difference if you have a very large fist.  The bigger the fist the more space it take up – that goes without saying. For me this was an issue. I know that big things can fit, I have had children after all, but that took a few hours and was quite sore and it did require some recovery time. So when your partner’s fist is not far off the size of a baby’s head, you want to make sure that you don’t do yourself a damage. I guess for this reason, it was something that we weren’t necessarily hell-bent on doing.

That was until it was set as a challenge on a D/s site that we were members on. I know, I know. Who actually does that? D/s is not a competition and not one size does not fit all. Or not in our case at least. But hey, we were not young but foolish and so we tried to do what needed to be done. This was really the point that I started to question. Prior to this we had been happy just to be full with how ever much of the hand went in there, but suddenly it felt like pressure. The advantage was that being part of a site meant that you could ask for help. I did, but it didn’t: help that is.

It was only afterwards, I learnt that the person setting the challenge and dispensing the vague advice had never actually done it themselves. There you go. Beware of sheep in wolves’ clothing. Anyway, back to the giant’s fist, and the fact that by he now he had thought about it and talked about it and he really wanted to put it into the princess’s pocket. Well, basically we stopped talking about it. I wrote a post called Four Fingers and Beyond and really that was our approach. We didn’t plan, we didn’t talk, we just did. And once the pressure was off, the fist slipped in. Well not quite slipped, but with a lot of working up and working in, and with a lot of lube and some other bits and bobs that turn me on, it did at last become accommodated.

Getting a fistful

I think that when taking a larger variety of fist and employing the what goes in goes in and we will just enjoy it approach that we did, it really doesn’t matter how much goes in. Being  honest, for me, full is full and full does the trick so we tend to just have fun with how many or how much.  Sometimes it is more and sometimes it is less. It does feel intense though and sometimes that is what I need.  It is consuming and I am forced to give up control of a body that is taking more than the mind believes it can take. I know that for HL that is the part that he enjoys. He has me right there in front of him, twisting and writhing, unable to do much more than to respond to his every move.

As the receiver rather than the giver, my viewpoint is more experiential than informational. I go from full, to fuller, to fullest. And then when I think I can take no more, I take a little more. Something shifts inside of me and the fear that I might just be ripped in two, becomes the thought that I want to be ripped in two, and then the desire that I have to be ripped in two, right there and then. Ultimately, there is a letting go. There is a moment of conscious thought followed by a moment of carefree giving up. I cease to be me and become something else. A vessel of pleasure? I am laughing now because this is the sort of thing that I would say at the time and we would both end up in stitches. Possible literally if his whole hand was inside me, so it is good that by that time I am simply beyond.

I am beyond communication, beyond rational thought, and beyond anything other than rolling in the deliciousness of the four fingers and beyond. I am lost to this world and the next and I sort of drift in a spacey way, enjoying the way it feels to be devoured and used at the same time. Somewhere there is the feeling that my body is doing something extraordinary but with it goes the feeling of pleasure-pain of the fire and the heat. There is an orgasm of a different sort than the usual clitoral type that work best for me. This is something deeper and something more earthy about it. It feels like it rumbles and shakes out of me and leaves me limp and useless.

Making a good fist of it

To be honest, I am sure by now you have realised that this is not a how to guide, but I should clarify for those who have not tried it that fisting is actually a bit of a misleading term. Typical sex talk – like there being no blow in a blow job, I suppose. So you don’t actually have your fist in a fist shape but rather you try to worm it in a sort of corkscrew motion, fingers first and the thumb slipping (comfortably) in behind. This makes it smaller that it might seem when clenched, but when measuring HL’s fist in the four fingers thumb tucked in and beyond position, it still came out with a circumference of 13 inches (interestingly enough this is the same size as the an average newborn’s head). Cue tears!

So what we would recommend is starting small and building up. As you play, you can add and stretch and just generally get to the point that you are super relaxed. Lube is your friend and so if you use that until everything becomes slippery and slidey then you should find things a lot easier. Although the muscles will relax as you go, the brain is also important so the sooner your partner can let go and get into it, the easier things will be. HL also finds it helpful to use a latex glove. This makes everything smoother and softer and avoids any scratchy nails or anything else that might prevent a comfortable entry.

Hand over fist

And although the idiom hand over fist implies that speed is the essence, that is not the case with fisting. Slow and steady definitely wins the race and we have found it is something that is impossible to rush.  Unless we have quite a bit of time which we know will be uninterrupted, it is going to be something that doesn’t go very far beyond. Which is fine because you will be having fun and connecting and that is, after all, the name of the game. I guess we speak from the experience of trying to fit what looks like a pint into what looks (thankfully) like a half pint pot but actually if you do it right, I am sure that a larger size can be accommodated.

The point is that it is not a challenge and banished are the crazy people who would set it as one. As with anything BDSM, it is about pleasure, yours and your partner’s, and as long as that is happening then all is good.  It is something that we do now and then, in a similar way to anal sex and, I suppose, for similar reasons. We like it because it is very intimate, very intense and feels extreme. Sometimes it is nice to do something that ticks all of those boxes and fulfils my need to be used. For us, the D/s elements of the way we carry it out mean that we slip quickly into a mindset which helps us and gives us something special, and really those are the hows and whys of fisting, for us.

Masturbation Monday

 

Posted in Play, Scenes and Kink.

40 Comments

  1. Thanks for the deets, Missy :>) … your previous posts were the first I ever read about someone actually do it instead of just talking about it or it being in fiction. Have never got there ourselves but who knows what the future might bring :>)) … nj … xx

    • Like I said I don’t really think about it now so I don’t always know ‘how much’ etc. I go by the feel and that can be different at different times so unless I ask after I often don’t know of technically we have or haven’t 😊

  2. It’s a shame that you received such crazy advice about fisting in the first place, especially by someone who had never tried it!! I can certainly relate to the mind being key in fisting (and anal) I think it really has to be in the right place for you to be in the right mood for it and relax enough to let your body accommodate and enjoy larger objects and fists.

    • Thanks gem. I think that you have probably got on better with it than me and I think anally would be a hard limit for me. I hope that you write a post too though as I look forward to learning more about how it works for you 😊

      • I can understand that! I’m not sure PS has ever got to full fist in me anally, like you we approached fisting with a fun dosen’t matter how many attitude lol. I will write a post about it this week but it’s been a while since we have done it, might need a refreshing first.

  3. So, I haven’t done this, it’s on the maybe one day list should I ever be intimate with someone who is also curious, but I can’t deny that when I read this … ‘Something shifts inside of me and the fear that I might just be ripped in two, becomes the thought that I want to be ripped in two, and then the desire that I have to be ripped in two, right there and then.’ I actually let out and audible moan, which was very much a ‘want’ kind of reaction, so maybe I’m more into this idea than I realised 🙂 x

    • That really made me smile Floss. Thank you. I think for me the psychological is also important as it does take a lot of trust but I like the fact I sort of become something else in the process. I leave myself behind in some ways which is what I think happens with a lot of kinks and can be what attracts us to some of them. Thank you for such a lovely comment. You are so good at writing directly about sex but I feel I still shy away a bit maybe from old hangups over fear of judgement 😊

  4. Congrats on being able to take ‘HisLargefist’, another enjoyable read and love that you get so much out of it. Gem is right, she does need a refresher.

  5. I have never managed it, despite giving a good old try on multiple occasions. I just don’t think my body is up for it. Maybe a small hand/fist might work but a large one just aint happening and I have absolutely no interest in anal fisting either

    Mollyx

    • It is only something we do occasionally. Like anal sex really. I wouldn’t want to do it often as I really have to be in the right mood 😊

  6. Great post! I’m not into fisting, not out of principle, just because I have yet to get to the point where “I am forced to give up control of a body that is taking more than the mind believes it can take.” But there is so much more in this post. Love it.

    • Thanks Francesca. I think for me that is the ultimate point. To switch off my head and just let go is my ultimate aim 😊

  7. Girl.. lovely post about pretty much my FAVORITE sex thing ever. I am blessed that all three of my partners love it too… so I get plenty of fisting action. I need to write about this for KOTW… and almost all my “Sex Scientist” stories are about it too… I love the way you described the “release” the “letting go” and just letting you body react, no more thoughts… it’s also one of the things I love about it too! Thanks for sharing with us!!!

    • I hope you do write your post and look forward to reading. Must check and sew what has been added. We don’t do it much as often the idea of it overwhelms me but it is certainly something that hits the spot the times we do. It will be interesting to read from some one with more experience of it so I look forward to that. 😊

  8. This is a really brilliant post – I love the attitude of “the what goes in goes in and we will just enjoy it approach” that you take to fisting. And you might not have written it as a ‘how to’ guide, but it is very informative and sex-positive – as well as sexy.

  9. Great job at bringing something so out there, down to earth. Sorry you got someone challenging you to something they weren’t even willing to do. Due to the gender reversal of D/s fo is…not sure where fisting fits in. If it’s anal for me…I shiver at the thought! 😳😢

    • Yes I would be with you on that one QH although I am sure those who do would have some real positives to say about it. I hope there are some posts on KOTW which cover that as I would find that interesting. 😊

  10. I’ve only tried fisting a few times, it’s not my favorite thing, but I agree I love that feeling of letting go an giving it all over to someone else to be completely filled up. Great post!

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