I am a middle. That is not the secret as I have posted about it here, here and here. Middles are not talked about much really. They seem to be the less popular cousin of the little or the babygirl, if it is possible to be less popular. I think that probably they are even less well embraced than the pets (the puppies and the kittens) but they are a group none the less. And I am part of that group. In truth, more people might identity as being middle if there was not the stigma around so many of the DD/lg labels that there seems to be. And for anyone who doesn’t know what a middle is, I would define it as being someone who slips into a headspace which is suited to a younger person. Where a little tends to regress into behaving in a childlike way, a middle has more of a teen mindset.
As with littles and pets, this mindset can be used as part of sexual play, or it can be separate to that. For some it is one or the other and for others it is both. For me, it can be both. It is one part of being submissive and it comes from letting go. I don’t always find it easy to submit and the climate has to be right in order for it to work well, but tapping into the younger more carefree and silly side of myself, is one of the things that helps me to get there. It is not really about giving up control as I agree to do that as a sub anyway, it is about ignoring those adult responsibilities and just being me. I suppose it feels exhilarating not to care about the big things and to be able to focus on the smaller things for a while.
This fits into our D/s because I can only do this when I feel safe in the knowledge that HL is doing the adulting. I need to know that he has control and that he is taking full responsibility. He is a nurturing and caring sort of Dom anyway so this works well for both our personality types, and in reality, when you both spark off each other, me being silly allows him the freedom to be sillier himself too. He doesn’t squash it, he embraces it, and in doing that we find another part of ourselves where we can connect and have something that belongs just to us. Another secret, I suppose. Although I would say that I am submissive 24/7, I am not in middle space all of that time. It is much more something that comes and goes depending on me and us and the mood and the circumstances.
Now that I have written all of this I realise that to many this is still a secret. But then so is my D/s lifestyle, my kinky escapades and the existence of this blog and the other sites that I am part of. So really a lot of my life is secret to some. The middle part is not something I have told anyone in my real time life. That is something which is online only and I think that it will pretty much stay that way. It has to be a secret really as there would be no value in telling people who wouldn’t understand or people who would judge negatively. I have no reason to share and so it remain something that is private. If that changes and I ever meet someone who I think may gain something from knowing, then I would choose to share but I can’t imagine who or what that might involve.
So back to secrets and the point of the post. I love secrets and that is part of my middle side. I love to own a secret, to revel in it and enjoy it. I like swapping secrets with others in an I-will-tell-you-mine-if-you-tell-me-yours sort of friendship exchange. Trust is build on secrets: the swapping of information which is personal and sensitive to you and the keeping information safe which is personal and sensitive for others. This is how friendships are forged, and how well you do at these things often determines how good a friend you are perceived as being. I love people. They are my interest area and so knowing things about them is something that is significant for me.
As a middle I like to find out secrets. I like to know things and share things. I like to regress to the sort of mindset where, as a teen, I could focus on things which now seem too small to be worth bothering about or too insignificant to prioritise time on. I like to watch movies with others and eat snacks, I like to spend time experimenting with my hair and makeup and doing my nails, and I like to chat to friends and swap thoughts and secrets. There are lots of other things that go along with my middle space as you will see from the posts linked above, including a little bit of cheeky boundary pushing. Essentially, though, it is about tapping back into the younger me, who is waiting there just under the surface for an opportunity to have fun.