I think that one of the important things I have applied to my relationship with HL is about moments. I came to realise that a lot of what was positive in a relationship came from taking those little thoughts that I have, the random flashes, and committing to making them happen, making them moments in time. I know that I can be guilty of letting life take over. It somehow takes those potential moments and tries to squash them out of me. That was something I identified early on as diminishing the potential in my relationship, so it is something that I have tried to focus on.
I suppose, for me, submission has helped because it has encouraged a shift in my mindset. That is not to say that this would need to be the case for others, just that it helps for me. In the early days of a relationship when all is shiny and exciting, I make loads of my thoughts into moments. It is like my mind is on fire with the little things I could do and the resolve is there to make them happen. It seems that can dwindle when things become more familiar and life gets in the way, stealing my resolve and putting out those sparks.
The moments made are the little things, the things that we could easily do without, those moments in time that, once passed, will never be thought of again. They are insignificant to the turning of the wheels of life but so important nonetheless. Without them, something never-known and never-missed is lost. With them, something undetectable and unquantifiable is gained. It is a strange irony but I have tried to grasp those thoughts and make them moments in time, for from those small gestures, larger things are born.
So as the thought crosses my conscience, I move myself into the window to wait. This is my moment for him. It will be a spark that means something somewhere, and although I know that to be the case, I know no more than that simple fact. It will form part of things and be a gesture that connects, whether that comes through fingers which caress and run up under my blouse, firm hands placed on my shoulders which turn me around, or a commanding voice which tells me what to do next. As small as my gesture seems, the random workings of my mind and my desires are on display, there in the window as he enters the room. And from that moment another is born, one of his, and he takes what is there and he makes it his own.
Footnote: more moments and more images were indeed born from this one, some of which I may even be able to share in the future, but others which I really won’t.