Picture of a journal set out

Just a Journal? – April’s Submissive Training Journal

J is for Journal

One of the things covered today was the value of keeping a journal, especially when you are in a new relationship.  It seems to be quite commonplace for a submissive to be asked to do this and to make the journal available to the Dominant which I can see is a good idea. I did wonder if it might alter what you wrote, knowing that it was to be read, but the point was made pretty soon afterwards that to think like that was not the correct approach.

The cornerstones of this sort of relationship are honesty, trust, respect and open communication.  If you are not honest about your feelings and don’t communicate them openly, then you will not have the mutual trust and respect that you need. Although it might be hard to make yourself vulnerable by opening up about things which you might rather keep to yourself, this is the only way that someone else can truly meet your needs.

I can see how this would work and can also see that it would help to eliminate many of the misunderstandings which can arise between partners due to the guesswork and assumptions made about why the other person may or may not have behaved in a particular way. Although I think I might find it hard, I also think it will feel good to be able to be clear about what I want, and to have a good understanding of what the other person’s needs are

So that was the theory but I wasn’t quite prepared for the practice. We had to hand over the journals we have been keeping. I was caught a bit off guard and realised that I would have written things differently had I known there was to be an audience. I knew it was just a journal, but it was my personal journal, comprising of my own unsolicited thoughts. I was to hand mine to Mistress Valentina. I felt I immediately embarrassed about some of the things I had written so far.  I hoped it would show my learning, but worried about some of the ways I had described the practical sessions.

My instructions were to sit still while she read it, and I watched her make some notes.  She looked up at me from time to time, one eyebrow slightly raised. She had an aura of strength, confidence and control about her, and although I knew she had a lot to teach me, I think I felt intimidated by the fact that she was a female Dominant. It seemed to highlight the differences between us in a way which made me feel vastly lacking somehow, although I knew those were my own insecurities and nothing she had done.

When she had finished reading, she asked me some questions so that she could better understand what my needs were. She went back over some of the details and also asked much more about the humiliation list. She threw open some scenarios and asked me directly what I would feel about them, waiting quietly for an answer as I wriggled and squirmed. I am sure that my reactions were probably answer enough, but she didn’t let me off the hook at all, saying that she required complete transparency and that to be evasive would lead to difficulties later on.

So I did my best as we discussed some of the desires I have kept tucked away and shared with no one, and by the end I actually felt ok. She asked about Major McGuire and what I had written about him. I couldn’t tell where that line of questioning was going, but answered as fully as I was able. She returned my journal at the end of the session and told me that her findings would form part of my further training. As soon as she said I could go, I hurried back to my room to pour over what I had actually written myself, trying to work out what might be in store for me in the coming weeks.

* * * * * * *

To catch up on other posts in this series please see April’s Submissive Training Journal
Or read last year’s letter J post for the A to Z blogging challenge: Journey, Juxtaposition and Journaling

The posts Writing and Blogging and me explain, as a submissive, the ways that writing and journaling has helped me.

Posted in A to Z Challenge 2019.

15 Comments

  1. I love how Major McGuire keeps popping up here and there … great little teaser :)) … nj … xx

  2. good lovely evening, missy…..just need to tell you:
    1. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WRITER!
    2. Thank You, and all who have answered my (very convoluted)
    and rambling queries! What a great community ❤️❤️

  3. Oooh…I can’t wait to see how her findings lead to April’s further training!

    In real life though, writing a submissive journal was one of the best things we implemented. I’m forced (by my desire to be a good, transparent, and owned sub) to reveal my deepest thoughts and desires, all while communicating to Ma’am, which gives her insight into my soul and what is working or not. Best idea ever.

    • I agree with you about the value although these days, this format tends to be my journal. I am really pleased that it is working well for you and I am sure it is helpful to your Queen that you are so honest and open with it. 🙂

  4. I wonder what will be come of this particular lesson! Journaling is super important. I’ve also found that if I write what I’m thinking and share it with Michael, I makes it easier for me to verbalize my needs.

    • Yes the process of reflection is really helpful to me too. I used to think that I had explained what I thought and felt verbally, but HL seems to find it different when he is reading it, and often we discuss it afterwards 🙂

  5. This is great fiction Missy – even if occasionally you pull from your own experience – we all do that – it is how we do it that makes great fiction x

  6. I can see how a journal would be a valuable thing in any relationship….especially if it were shared with the other person on a regular basis. Such a good way to get information, but also a good way to be vulnerable and share trust. The journal also keeps a record of growth and questions. Which can be valuable. I see my blog as serving a similar function.

    • Yes me too. I did keep a journal for a while at the start and then we moved to a private blog. Since having here, this has become my only journal really ?

    • I guess it’s part of having to give up your own will and make yourself vulnerable. It has led to really great intimacy for us but it can be difficult ?

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