If you want my body and you think I’m sexy
Come on, sugar, tell me so
If you really need me, just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so
This week’s prompt for The Erotic Journal Challenge is: What makes you feel sexy? This is an easy one for me. HisLordship makes me feel sexy, being his submissive makes me feel sexy, and I have discovered that when I feel sexy, I become sexy. This was really the essence of an old post, D/s has made me sexy. That post was published in October 2016 and things have not changed much in terms of the way that this lifestyle makes me feel. I am more comfortable with who I am on this inside and on the outside. I have found acceptance on a level which I didn’t expect to. I have been able to be myself and to be exposed on the deepest of levels, and still be loved and desired.
That has been a powerful thing in allowing me to further develop my sense of self, as well as to be able to accept that person. I no longer have to hide the things I think will lead to rejection and being able to be open on this level has allowed me the freedom to explore who I really am. This may seem contradictory to many of the pieces I have written about the way I see myself. I have been open about my difficulty with my own body image and about my fear of failing and not being accepted. Those things are there, of course, but they no longer have the hold over me that they once did. This relationship is allowing me to heal. It is a process of recovery, but I am growing stronger.
So much of feeling sexy is about feeling good about myself. It is less about the reflection which stares back from the mirror and more about the confidence that HL nurtures and encourages within me. It comes from learning that I can be pushed outside my own comfort zone and remain safe. It comes from the trust and belief that I have in him to have my back. If comes from being able to see myself the way that he sees me. Feeling sexy comes from the way he speaks to me and the things he says. It comes from the way that he looks at me and the way that he touches me. It comes from being able to bare myself to him physically, emotionally and mentally.
If anyone had asked me previously, I would not have believed that I would feel like this at this point in my life. It is interesting that I can feel better about myself now, in my late forties, than I ever have before. My body is not what it once was of course, but at that time, I did not see the beauty in it. I did not feel sexy or desirable and neither did I appreciate it. When I am exposed and vulnerable, when I have given up all control, that is when I am free to be sexy. I have nothing to lose, and no sense of ego to hold me back from just experiencing the feelings that come my way. Submission pushes me into a place where I become what HL wants me to be, so it is easy to be a better version of myself.
Click below to find out who else is posting for Sinful Sunday and The Erotic Journal Challenge