rope bondage harness

Exploring Bondage

Rope bondage harness

Bondage is an interesting topic for me to write about and it is not something I have written about much before. Synonymous with the image of BDSM, and yet it is probably one of my lesser kinks. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be tied, restrained, spread and splayed until I am completely at the mercy of HL, but I don’t think bondage as a kink on its own does it for me in the way that some other things do. That being said, there are things within this very broad area which do have a more specific appeal. 

This discovery did not come to me immediately and I think there are a couple of reasons for that. The first is that our journey has meant that we have gone much deeper into the exploration of our own desires and learnt more about the things that work best for us. The second is that time has meant that some of the things that felt really exciting when we first tried them, have since lost some of their novelty value. This means that while much of the bondage we do still adds a layer to the experience, the bondage itself is not something that immediately flicks my switch. 

That being said, I do enjoy the control aspect of bondage. If HL uses it to make me think about the fact that I am secured and vulnerable then it can really push me into a submissive mindset. Being completely secured can be an important reminder of the fact that I am his to do with as he pleases. This will happen, for example, if he uses the play bench where he can make me completely immobile with the use of a multitude of straps and fixings and will have me in exactly the position that he wants. This can be thrilling, however, that thrill often comes from the humiliation of being so completely exposed. 

In the same sort of way, it is the impersonality of the bondage hood which gets me going more than the fact that I am unable to hear or see. It is the image of the slightly grotesque thing I have become, sitting imprinted on my mind’s eye that kicks things up a notch. It is not the things themselves, but the twist they give to my reality that makes them work. For me, it really all is in my mind, and the more that something feels forbidden, or freaky, or deviant, the hotter it will become. In that way, bondage can be a good tool for HL to work with, as it brings out something within him that he builds upon. 

He is more visually stacked than me and enjoys the way that I look when bound. It empowers him and turns him on and I can feel the heat flowing from him, which, again, has an impact on me. It certainly brings out his Dominance and the submissive in me responds well to that, becoming what he sees. In that sense, certain things become symbolic of the reaction they get and the part they usually play.  Meaning becomes attached to certain objects in a way which adds to them, for example, our play cuffs. A different set of cuffs might not work quite the same, because it is not the wearing of the cuffs themselves, but what they have come to represent within our relationship.

It took a while to realise how I felt because when we became more adventurous about kink, we tried lots of new things and they all felt exciting. Everything gave me that feeling of being forbidden or freaky or deviant, so initially my response to some things was much stronger than it is now. Over time, the realisation of what leads to those sorts of responses has become clearer. I imagine most people go through that period of wondering why some of the things that used to work so well seem to be losing their effect. And from all the things you have tried, the ones that trigger the best response in you become clear. 

For me, mental bondage can be as effective as the physical sort. Being told to keep still if I know there are repercussions in place can work really well and will tap into my fear of failure and make me desperate to please, even when failure is inevitable. It will force me to give up control, admitting defeat and become what he has driven me to be. Done in the right way, this will push my emotional buttons, tapping into the masochistic part who ultimately is loved and desired so despite my flaws having been acknowledged. 

This is not to say that I am no longer interested in exploring bondage, as new experiences always entice me. Recently HL has fitted a restraint point to the ceiling of our bedroom and this is something that I am sure we will explore fully in the coming months. I am interested in suspension bondage and having watched it done a few times now, wonder about the effect it might have on me. So while bondage is something I am saying isn’t always a sure thing, it is such a huge area, with so many possibilities that it is something we will keep exploring as we push out boundaries and limits and imaginations. 

I have said before that my kink is being Dominated and being in a position where I surrender my submissive self. It is about breaking my will and bending me towards the will of someone stronger, more powerful, more complete.  So bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism are elements of the kinks we enjoy but without the Dominance and submission their effect is limited. I can be secured by all the chains and ropes in the dungeon, but at the end of the day he can send me crashing over the edge with a couple of words. And this is particularly neat considering we don’t have a dungeon! 

tellmeabout
Sinful Sunday

 

Posted in Play, Scenes and Kink, Projects, Tell Me About ....

21 Comments

  1. Great post missy, the psychological aspect is definitely where the power lies, I agree. I really look forward to reading about your experiences with the suspension hook, it looks great 😊

  2. Lovely to see you on SS again and very interesting musings. I do like bondage but i do understand what u mean about after time you think about other things that press your buttons x

    • I am glad to be back, even if I am somewhat toned down lol. I have to try to get more creative!

      I hadn’t really thought much about the changes in kinks I like but it’s definitely more the mental with me now 😊

    • Aww thanks Rebel. I am enjoying reading the posts too and it feels good to be back on sinful Sunday 😊

  3. Great post Missy. I too love mental bondage over physical restraint (although I do love that also). For me, real submission and dominance kicks in when it’s just a command. The control Queen has is better than a tie or strap!

    • The control Queen – I like it. I think having read the other posts so far, I want lots of both lol 😊

  4. A really interesting post and I found myself nodding along. Many of our first forays into kink have been left by the wayside along our route and I’m sure the kinks we enjoy now may go the same way. We’re fluid creatures and like adding new experiences to our kinky repertoire.

    • Thank you. I posted that and then read the other entries and now I am wondering if I have dismissed some of it too hastily lol. I think I am in a phase 😊

  5. Enlightening post, Missy … bondage has been a side dish for us as well … the dominance and submission always front and centre, whatever form that takes … and yes, it does evolve as you find something new and discard old or move on. It’s been great finding your blogs. I enjoy reading here … it’s given me/us a sense of renewal – that there are new places to go and new discoveries to make … nj … xx

    • I am so happy that it has been helpful and agree that it is always great to connect with other like minded people no matter how long you have been doing TTWD. It can be hard sometimes when life gets in the way and being g part of a community has really helped me. I love your term side dish too. Very apt and thank you for commenting ❤️

  6. I have always felt like bondage is a very broad topic because it can be any form of restraints and rope bondage is just one kind. When it comes to rope it is not something we have done much off but I do like the idea of exploring it more. I love the smell of real rope, that earthy aroma is a turn on

    Mollyx

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.