I know they say that laughter is the best medicine and really this is not such a surprise. But when I tried to think of things which had made me laugh this week, I found it quite hard. That is not to say that I don’t laugh, but it tends to be at circumstantial things and they are not always what others would find humourous. In addition, some of the things I laugh about are not very PC. I have a dry sense of humour, sometimes a bit dark and often a little naughty. You can see where I am going with this can’t you? Anyway it got me to thinking about orgasms and made me wonder about the connection between the two. Having pondered the connection, I can see some parallels between them with regards to more than just the fact they can impact positively on your sense of wellbeing.
So apart from the fact that orgasms and laughter have been synonymous for me on more than one occasion as I hit subspace and erupted in a fit hysterical laughter following a period of extended orgasm, what is it that makes them similar? It is generally accepted that an orgasm releases endorphins which are responsible for good feelings in people. Endorphins can both give pleasure directly and also decrease any pain a person is feeling. These same endorphins are released during laughter which would indicate that laughter, and orgasms, really could be a good medicine for emotional or physical discomfort and pain.
What else do laughter and orgasms have in common? Both are good forms of tension release which will lead to us feeling more relaxed, calmer and more accepting of the situation around about us. When we laugh we breathe deeply. Our throat becomes restricted which means that we gasp and take in more oxygen. This stimulates our heart and lungs and allows a build up and release of tension in our muscles. Similarly orgasms also force us to breathe deeply. A large number of muscles contract during the build up to an orgasm, and then relax afterwards and the changes to our breathing are similar to those which happen when we laugh.
This made me wonder if there are any other parallels in terms of how I experience each. As I said above, the things that I find funny don’t always follow the standard forms of humour. Well, I am not sure I need to say any more about my sexual proclivities but I think many would agree that they are not necessarily of the mainstream. Particular tastes! In both areas! Does this mean that I have a deviant sense of humour? That vanilla jokes don’t do much for me? Well really I am not sure but I do know that listening to someone tell a joke will leave me feeling that I have to be polite and play along, waiting for the punchline to deliver my fake giggle. Actually I am truer than that and in most situations I would no more fake a laugh than I would fake an orgasm, but you see where I am coming from? Or not.
For me humour will be circumstantial and often connected to something else. Likewise, with my orgasms. They are often enticed out based on that particular circumstance and the way that the build up has been played. They will more often than not be connected to something else and that will add a layer to my experience, as with something that I find funny. Both have to feel genuine. They have to feel real. They have to feel like they overtake my mind and produce a response from my body which is not really of my choosing. They will usually be part of something personal which is shared with the other person and in that moment the two of us will become one, a moment in time, not necessarily easily replicated or explained to others.
I struggle to laugh at jokes. I don’t struggle to orgasm though. Or do I? Struggling to laugh at jokes doesn’t mean that I can’t see the humour, it just means that the predictability outweighs the cleverness and it re-routes the response. The same is true of my orgasms. If i know what is coming it is likely to pull away from the experience and alter the effect. That is why D/s works for me. For me laughter and orgasms cannot be given, the are elicited by someone who understands me and knows what my various triggers are. Like learning to understand someone’s humour so that you can connect by sharing a joke, you must learn the things which stimulate arousal so that you can connect with them on the very deepest of sexual levels.
So what does all of this mean? Well I suppose it means that HL is left with someone who is complicated in terms of what she finds funny as well as what turns her on. Fortunately for me, he has always been able to make me laugh and he has always been able to make me come, but neither are as straightforward as telling a quick joke or providing a quick buzz. Both need me to feel something deeper, something which arises in an unexpected sort of way. They need to push me beyond where my mind has gone, to a place where I am not longer in control of the expected response and let go, allowing the humour or the arousal of the situation to draw its own very natural response from me.
I am sure that for many this is not the case, but I would argue that there might still be a connection between the two states, even if it is a different connection to the way it works for me. I remain convinced that there is a link between the two in terms of how they make you feel and the subsequent impact on maintaining a positive sense of wellbeing. I am not sure how many times I have laughed this week, or how many orgasms I have had but that is no matter. What I do know is that neither have been planned or managed by me and both have arisen from the spontaneity of the situation. And both have left me feeling happier, more content and more relaxed than I would have been without them.
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