Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

Submissive Musings

Blogging and me

picture of clouds saying and breathe for blogging and me

picture of clouds saying and breathe for blogging and me

When I started blogging I really had no idea how it would work for me. The purpose of my blog was to be able to share my own experience and hopefully to connect with others. This happened in a much bigger way than I could have predicted but actually blogging has offered me much more than that. I had heard from other subs who used a journal as a place to reflect on their submission but that wasn’t something that I had ever done for longer than a few weeks. However, ultimately my blog has become a sort of journal.

Although for some, writing is just another thing they have to do (flashback to my days as an English teacher) for me it is a way to relax, a way to pause and take a break from everything else that goes on in my life. I have written a lot about how busy things are in my head and writing gives me a way to slow things down and to process the things that are going on.ย  Often I don’t know when I begin writing what I really want toย  say but somehow it allows me to process and to make sense of things.

Time to reflect has been crucial for me and I realise how dependent on it I have become.ย  It forms not only a huge part of my submission as I process and work through a variety of aspects of our dynamic but it also allows me to reach realisations about myself, my motivations and my limitations. This has been very helpful and I honestly believe that without this time and this space I wouldn’t have come as far as I have.

With a busy life, time to stop and reflect is critical. Things can tend to rush from one thing to the next and to have a little space just to breathe and take stock is a key part of being able to relax and enjoy what I have. In all honesty sometimes my reflection will lead to mulling over things to try to make changes or improvements, but a lot of it leads to celebrating what I have and the realisation of how lucky I am. It is essential to me to have this time to be reminded of this and in explaining to others, I am making it a focus for myself too.

What has been a great advantage of this time to pause, to think, to reflect has been the fact that communication becomes easier. I have time to consider what I want to say, as writing tends to take the heat out of things for me. I choose my words much more carefully when writing than I do when I speak in the heat of the moment and being in a relationship where you both blog and both read the other’s blog also means that it helps to put us one step ahead.

I have written in more detail about writing and journalling in a previous post but what I hadn’t considered before was the space that it gave me to stop and take a slice of time for myself. While I am not always good at prioritising self-care in the traditional way, I am motivated to write regularly on my blog, so it feels a little bit different. I had seen it as a hobby and knew its importance to me, but hadn’t looked at it as being part of time for me which I really desperately need. It has value to me as an activity and it is also something that has value to HL so he is understanding about the time that it takes.

For anyone who is reading and thinking about blogging, I would encourage you to give it a go. It has become a big part of growing in my submission and also in allowing me to maintain a focussed mindset. I have met some great people and made some really good friends and it was honestly the first place that I felt included in all of my weirdness, kinks and otherwise.


Prompt #332: Pause


  1. Thank you. I’m considering blogging regularly .. I did grow up on LiveJournal!! Haha! But making a single place to just do my thing is very… new and terrifying. It’s uncomfortable. But… *shrugs* I’m a slave to the hands of fate.

    • Missy

      Nothing wrong with being a slave in the right context ๐Ÿ˜Š

      • Neo Conn

        My partner has too many vanilla restrictions to be a slave, but she makes a wonderful submissive. When we are alone together, she is very compliant. The rest of the time I allow her to choose her own path, but when it goes astray I help her to correct it. It works for us for many years now.

  2. I use writing in the same way. It’s relaxing, it allows me to process, and I am able to excise thoughts and emotions I didn’t realize were there in the first place. When I started blogging, I didn’t anticipate having many readers, much less connecting with people the way I have. It’s a wonderful means of connecting with like-minded (and even opposite-minded!) people.

    • Missy

      I completely agree and can see a lot of parallels in what you write about. I do feel lucky to have found a platform which works for me ๐Ÿ˜Š

  3. I love reading your posts, so many times I think โ€œah I know exactly what you mean!โ€ Or โ€œthank goodness someone else feels that way!โ€

    Your blog inspired me to do it and as both you and HH have said, I didnโ€™t anticipate having so many followers.

    Thank you for sharing as you do, thank you for creating such an open and inspirational blog and for talking about โ€œrealโ€ relationship experiences and issues.

    Thank you ๐Ÿ˜Š

    • Missy

      Awww thank you sweet. It has been really good getting to know so many other bloggers and to share and learn for them has been hugely helpful. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  4. You know, Iโ€™m not sure Iโ€™ve ever commented here, but Iโ€™ve been reading you awhile and enjoy following along as you navigate your relationship. Your blog is both deeply personal and reflective, while also maintaining an objectivity that I find appealing. In particular I feel myself responding to and nodding about your blog being, like a journal, a place to take a moment for yourself; a tool of self-care. I hadnโ€™t considered mine in that way, either, till now.

    • Missy

      Aww thank you Jade. That is very kind and it really means a lot ๐Ÿ˜Š

  5. Wonderful the way you explain how your writing helps to maintain a focus on things.
    And I do agree that blogging does make one feel inclusive with others in all our “wierdness ank kinks”.
    Xxx – K

    • Missy

      Thank you. It has been a big part of my motivation and keeping my mindset. Making such cool friends really is an added bonus ๐Ÿ˜Š

  6. I am totally with you on blogging and writing being the moment when I pause, when I am in connection with myself. It used to be a way for me to communicate with Master T too but with all his health issues he stopped reading my blog. I hope as he gets better he starts again.

    It’s great to have you as part of the blogging squad ๐Ÿ˜Š

    • Missy

      Oh yay. The blogging squad. That makes me feel really good. I hope that Master T gets back to your blog too although he will have a lot of catching up to do ๐Ÿ˜Š

  7. Iโ€™m so thankful that I found your blog very early in my journey for D/s information! You and HL have created some great internet resources for D/s couples. I love returning here again and again to read your thoughts. Almost every time I read a post I think, โ€œhow did Missy get into my head?โ€ ๐Ÿ˜Š You have inspired me to begin a blog of my own, thank you for that! I will never tire of returning here to read your musings and thoughts.

    • Missy

      Thank you so much. I am really pleased that it connects with you. And how exciting about your blog. Let me know where to find you ๐Ÿ˜Š

      • My blog is: It is in its very infancy-I only have an intro page posted. Trying to figure out all the stuff is making me a bit crazy, but I know it will be worth it. Thanks for the encouragement!

  8. I too would thoroughly recommend blogging – it provides me with such a creative outlet – makes me proud too x

    • Missy

      You are right to be proud May. Your blog is amazing and your are inspirational to others ๐Ÿ˜Š

  9. I think blogging can be, as you say, an important way of reflecting on life, relationships and of course your submission. I think you too should be proud as you are also an inspiration xx

  10. I know my blog has been a place where I have worked through things and also a communication tool with Michael. I think it is that aspect of it that has keep me going more than anything else


    • Missy

      Yes I think so too although I have managed for far less time than you. I hope I can keep going as the benefits of doing it make it worth it ๐Ÿ˜Š

  11. I can definitely see the benefits of using a blog as a journal to reflect on things. I was never really good at keeping a diary or journal, so I admire all of you that are so open and honest in your blogs. I tend to be a very private person and keep things close to the vest, so putting my thoughts down in black and white was never that appealing. My preferred form of expression is fiction. There’s a lot of me in there, but it’s not as obvious what’s real and what’s make believe. It’s not as intimidating as putting it all out there. But I”m ever so slowly trying to get more real with my blog. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Missy

      I know what you mean and can understand how fiction is more comfortable as a medium. I like writing reflectively so that works for me although I am trying to do more with fiction ๐Ÿ˜Š

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