submissy

Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

Submissive Musings

The other me

In my other life I am a champion for others. This is a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but recently I have been feeling that the two parts of my life are becoming more and more polarised. Actually keeping things separate is something that we have worked to achieve. We have  put things in place to help me move from one type of role to another so that work stays at work and home can be home. As a lifestyle submissive I can’t turn it on and off; I am his submissive all of the time as that is what I have agreed to.  But when I am away from home, in a work environment, it is not the space or place for my submission.

I have never liked the term 24/7 D/s as it doesn’t really seem to make sense. You can’t actually do something every hour of every day; I sleep and I work and during these times, submission is somewhat in the distance.  However, it is a mindset which is never too far away even  when it isn’t actively being sought. Were HL to suddenly appear and ask something of me, I would switch back into that, but the sort of vulnerability and softness and openness of need that is a natural part of my submission, has no place in the workplace.

I wrestled with my polar parts for quite a while. I compared myself to others and saw myself as lacking or inferior somehow because I was not able to sustain the sort of mindset that was achievable by others. I worried that made me less or made me fraudulent in some way. And it took time to see that I was ok as I was. To work out that it didn’t make me less just because I had another role to play. I have tried hard not to feel that I should hide the reality of my other side and to celebrate the champion that I can be for others, even though that requires me to be strong, to take control, to make decisions and challenge and sometimes even to fight for them.

I can see now that I am actually more able to advocate for others successfully because I am submissive the rest of the time. Because I have the safety and the security at home, I am able to feel stronger outside in my other world. Because I can relax and hand over the responsibility for certain things and allow myself to be taken care of, I am able to pick that up elsewhere.  In life I have someone to be a champion for me. His support, care and guidance at home allows me to offer support, care and guidance for others at work.

It can often feel hard, as if there is a struggle between the two parts as the  work side takes so much from me that there feels very little left. It consumes me on a level that is hard to explain, and while it makes me who I am on the surface, it feels that it pulls the energy away from being who I really am on the inside. Actually I think I have looked at it in the wrong way. Both of these parts of me are important and significant but the work me needs energy that the other side doesn’t.

Being submissive means that I let go of the responsibility and the control and can relax into myself. This allows me to gain the energy that I will need and concentrate and channel it into  where it is needed. For a long time I felt that one was almost robbing the other until I saw that they both allow the other to work effectively.  Being in this situation has given me a greater ability to advocate for others and a greater need to submit, so really the two are inextricably linked.

Although the two parts feel more polarised, that is just because choosing this lifestyle has allowed each part to grow stronger and to be more significant. The structure that we have in place means that I have seen them as being separate when really they are both dependent on each other, and both dependent on the Dominance, support and care of HisLordship.  I am lucky that I have my own champion and having that has allowed me to be a champion for others.

Other related posts are:
My submission, his submissive, and the other kick ass part that I don’t talk about
Square pegs, round holes and submission

Prompt #331: Champion
WickedWednesday

14 Comments

  1. That’s fantastic. I’m really pleased that you know from where you get your strength. xoxo that’s why you’re such a role model on here 🙂

    • Missy

      Oh wow that is such a lovely thing to say. I really appreciate it especially now as I have had a rough few weeks so have been feeling a bit low. Being on here and blogging is such an escape and it feels like a place I can truly be me 😊

  2. Missy, you are amazing! Reading your posts almost always help me sort through thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I have, but aren’t quite sure how to deal with or how to analyze in respect to D/s. I, like yourself, feel that since I have the love, backing, and support of My Sir that I am able to have the energy and emotional strength I need to be able to be a strength to others, especially our family. Just because we are submissive doesn’t mean that we stop having worth in the world. Of all the “hats” I wear in my life, it is my submissive hat that has helped me to be better while wearing all the others. As always, thank you for your inspiring words!

    • Missy

      Awww thank you so much – your words are so kind. I am glad that what I write helps because it really helps me to write it. It has taken to me a while to sort through the muddle of feelings and feel more assured about what I am doing but I know that I am still learning 😊

  3. They co-exist, yes! You worded this rather beautifully. I was the same in a way, finding my fulfilment as a dominant led to a lighter frame of mind out of the dynamic – with people, with work.

    • Missy

      It is interesting how that happens. I have gone through periods of feeling like I was separate parts only to come back to everything being about the one whole 😊

      • I’m happy to hear – or to read, rather – that you are at peace in and out of the dynamic though

        • Missy

          It is a struggle still in parts. The dynamic feels easy but the other side is harder to keep quiet at times.

  4. Like you when I am at work, I am not submissive and when I am at home, I am. However, if I have to, like now that my husband is not so well, I take the lead when necessary. It’s that I know our mindset is still D/s that makes it easier to be strong when I have to.

    Rebel xox

    • Missy

      Yes I understand that Rebel and I would also do that at home if required. I need to feel that there is control so I will try hard to control myself 8f there is no one else to do it. 😊

  5. I so get this – one of the reason I want to be submissive in bed is I am tired of being strong and having control, organization, planning etc in the rest of my life. I don’t want that in bed – I want someone else to take the control, take the burden of it from me;-) xx

    • Missy

      That is the only way for me to really feel free too. I have to give up my own self control as it holds me back and the thinking can stop the feeling 😊

  6. Yes there is something very powerful about having a true champion in your life, someone who not only supports you but encourages you to be all that you can be. It has definitely been life changing for me

    Mollyx

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