As a school girl I can remember my mum coming home after delivering meals on wheels to the elderly lady who lived across the road and reporting the she had said, “I see your eldest is courting.” What the lady had actually seen was my boyfriend kissing me goodnight at the back gate with three fingers buried deep inside me as I wriggled and squirmed in pleasure. I was never afraid of risky sex and over the years as I grew older and more experienced I took more and more chances, really not thinking too much about that. It was just what I did.
I think because I lived in quite a small place most people knew each other so that eliminated some of the risk. I remember at uni friends commenting that although our village looked nice and calm on the surface, things raged sexually underneath and so I seemed to have had different experiences to the city girls I met, who were more streetwise but had been less experimental. By the time I was in my early twenties I had a boyfriend who owned a pub and for some reason we thought nothing of late night sex in the lounge bar once we had locked up. I don’t know if anyone ever saw us through the windows or glass doors but we were enjoying ourselves and didn’t really care.
Perhaps marriage calmed me, or at least ground me down, because it wasn’t until after that was over that I began to take chances again. When I first met HL we were desperate for each other and had sex whenever we could: on my knees under a lamp post, pushed up against a wall round the back of the school, and parked up in a car on a not so deserted track. We took the chances that came our way and he was always keen to leave his mark. We had mutual friends and I would often find myself whisked away from the party for a quick encounter, only to be returned with the feeling of his come trickling out of me and down my leg.
Having said all of that, I did hum and haw about writing this post on risky sex. I wondered if it still applied because it feels that we took more risks at the start of our relationship than we do now. In reality, I think that perhaps we have just got used to doing things which are riskier. That goes for the sexual acts and their locations, the risk of being caught, and taking part in activities which would be considered risky or edge play for some. I suppose that where some people would see what we do a lot of the time as being quite risky, I feel far less reckless than I did in my younger days.
Feeling that I was trapped and boxed in, not being able to meet my desires or explore my kinks, made me seek out and involve myself in risk taking behaviour to try to calm the itch I think. Now that I have an outlet for all of that, I feel calmer and more content. Less frenzied I guess. I think that we were probably both a bit wild sexually before we met but ironically I feel like I have been tamed a bit in that regard. He has turned me into his kinky slut and that has meant that I no longer seek those risks as they are met right where I am. Perhaps it is a controlled wild? How is that for an oxymoron?
We have had, and still do have some amazing outdoor sex, where moments are grabbed and taken. Recently taking pictures for Sinful Sunday has led to some heated moments in places where we shouldn’t be. There is always a risk in being exposed and I am cautious because of the job that I have which means that getting caught would not be something I could just talk my way out of. However, once HL has got me just where he wants me, things start to change and so there is still plenty of risky business going on.
My journey into submission has found me slipping into a place where I defer to him, especially when I am anxious. This has been interesting in that it means that I am at first hesitant to do what he says, then when he is insistent I move past those anxieties and worries and just let go. This leads to a sense of abandon and I will be more impulsive and driven by him. Although in the past I would be so hungry for him I would stop at nothing to satisfy that need, these days I am toyed with and played with and pushed in a way which means I am following his lead. Being an exhibitionist means that he is inclined to lead where others may be about. So there I must follow.
While sex outdoors or with others in close proximity can be risky and thrilling, so is the sex where I am pushed to try things which we see as more extreme. Most of our play has sex as its final outcome hence it is sexual in nature. Things such as breath play and knife play are always laced with risk. More recently we have talked about cutting and needle play and these are things which I would definitely see as more at the risky end of kinky play. Fisting, predicament bondage using the anal hook, and primal play are also things which we add in when we need to get that fix for something which feels more elicit or dangerous.
So all in all, having thought about it while writing, we do engage in risky sex. It is different now than it was then but it is still laced with thrills for a variety of reasons. Different risks bring about different highs and I suppose that it is natural that things will change and evolve with you as your relationship develops. I have never had the levels of excitement that I do now with anyone before and although there is a huge level of trust which brings with it a sense of safety, we are always able to use that to the very best effect.