Someday I I will be able to be lost in him, not for hours but for days and perhaps even for weeks

Someday

Someday
Someday we will have an empty nest. I am not wishing my life away as I love the life that I have but neither am I dreading the end of the formal part of my role as a mother. I really enjoy being a mum and for a time that probably did define me. But as the children grow older and become more independent there is space there to be filled with something that you can create for yourself. Those years of responding on a daily if not an hourly basis are replaced by times that you are required less often. Relationships with adult children are easier and become more of a social occasion than a nurture session. It is never totally equal I don’t think but the balance certainly shifts.

I know that I definitely lost myself for a time. As mum of three young children in a failing marriage that I could do nothing to save, I became focussed on the needs of others, desperately trying to distract myself from my situation and work to the positives. Inwardly I was struggling to manage all that I had on my plate but outwardly I was happy, planning things and micromanaging for everyone around me. I was good to have on the team. Time to myself was not something I had and not really something that I wanted as it was dangerous to get lost in my head. Control was my friend.

So in amongst all of that I did lose myself. I went back to work in the hope that it would solve lots of things but really being seen was not one it was able to help. I had a new role that was mine but it was really just another face to wear. I love being a mother and I love being a teacher but it was not until I met HisLordship that I was able to start loving being me. And I am not altogether there yet. I think that is another someday. Someday I will love being me, but for now I am content that I love my life and I love the people in it. I do see being me as pretty cool though, so I know that I am getting closer. I also wouldn’t want to be anyone else so perhaps that makes me just a stone’s throw.

Yes, someday we will have an empty nest and I will be able to be more of me. I will be able to really throw myself and my time into this man who has turned my life around. I will be able to be lost in him, not for hours but for days and perhaps even for weeks. Someday there will be no interruptions, for long periods of time, to the little world that we have created for ourselves. We will be able to drift from one thing to another in that space where we are lost in ourselves, and in each other. No longer something which is part of our life, it will become our life and the balance will shift between what we have now and what we will have then.

Even when someday comes I think that there will always be other things to take our attention and focus and that is to be expected. I really don’t think we would want it any other way. But to have more time to fall deeper and deeper into these parts of us which have emerged is an exciting thought. So much of our lives have been about other people and we have explored what there is to learn with that, growing in confidence and knowledge in those areas. But the newly discovered world where we find ourselves together has so much more for us to learn and share.

Someday I may really be able to meet his desires, the ones he hasn’t yet had. The ones that are waiting, under the surface, for the opportunity to be drawn out. The thoughts that are not yet thought and the feelings that are not yet felt are all waiting for us and someday they will be born. It is an exciting thing to contemplate. It is thrilling and scary as we have begun our journey and know of the feelings we are exploring. It makes going deeper something which is unknown yet can be imagined and that is all part of the  attraction of course.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked
Prompt #328: Someday

Posted in Submissive Musings.

28 Comments

  1. As an “almost” empty nester I am close to someday!! We have little spurts of someday where we can totally relax in our own home. On those occasions we needn’t wear clothes if She chooses. We can get intimate when and where She chooses. So I know the lure of someday!!

      • Thank you for writing this, It is a profound emotion. This will very soon happen to me as well and I feel as though my whole world will be opening up. I cant wait for the possibilities.

  2. As a newly fuller nester someday sounds oh so far away… But in this time i can’t say i would change it… Although a nap or two for me wouldnt hurt!

  3. For many years I haven’t thought about the time my husband and I will be alone, but all of a sudden the time is almost here. My autistic son (30) still lives with us, but might be moving out into an assisted living arrangement within a year. Then we have one child left at home, and she will probably move out after her study is completed two years from now. Suddenly there are possibilities on the horizon… not only for us to ‘do things’ but also for us to invite kinky people to our home 🙂

    Rebel xox

    • It is exciting thinking of all the possibilities. I hadn’t thought about having people over. We have had kinky friends to stay a bit but we all have to be vanilla-ish. That’s a fun prospect. 😊

  4. I am sure you meet his desires already!
    I have an empty nest and I LOVE it. I was a very active Mum to my kids but am happy that I have helped them become independent adults and they have left the nest – surely a parents job 😉 x

    • I do meet the desires that I can but I think once we have the time and space we will be able to take things further and it will move to a different level of that makes sense. I know what you mean about the kids. We have so many it is taking longer to get the whole group to that place. Some are there though 😊

  5. I do admire people who are parents. I couldn’t do it myself – I have a hard enough time looking after me, let alone anyone else. I hope that your me-time and us-time are joyous, once you have the space and leisure to fully indulge in them!

  6. Tomorrow I will be half way to empty nest as The Boy is off to Uni but the Dancing Queen has 3 years to go yet. I too don’t want to wish it away and yet the thought of having more time just for us, is one that makes me very happy

    Mollyx

    • 3 down 4 to go due to the gap year which was sprung on me. Should be three more years for us too if things go according to plan. We should celebrate by doing something outrageous together. 😉

  7. Having the kids out of the house for us has been wonderful for our relationship. This is my second time around, and his first. We have family coming to visit soon and we are spending a lot of time picking up things that we have taken for granted that are laying around the house, and remembering that we have to put clothes on when they are here! This no kids lifestyle has really worked for us getting to find the side of our relationship we never had time to develop before.

    • Thank you so much for commenting. I can totally understand the way that things would be different. I love my kids and wouldn’t change it at all but it does mean less time to spend on each other and I look forward to the ability to try some new things 😊

  8. I am so glad to read that I am not the only one that loves being an empty nester! Mine have been out and on their own for several years now, and while I loved being a mother, I love this time on my own! I’ve always felt a little guilty tho. Most of my coworkers are in the “going to be empty nesters” within a few years, and are so upset. “What am I going to do??” I could offer a lot of suggestions, but I better not. LOL

    • Awww. There is no dread for me which is really lucky. As long as they are happy and ready to leave then I will be happy for them. The time to get our kink on is an added bonus 😊

  9. We’re a very long way off yet and also, without wishing away all the years still to come with our little people, I miss all the years when it was only the two of us, and I wish we’d discovered our D/s then!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.