big reveal

Perhaps revelations is too strong; discoveries and confirmations may actually fit better. HisLordship has written already, an account of our time at KinkFest. I didn’t want to write my own as that seemed a little pointless, if not repetitive. What I do think is important, however, is what we have taken from the experience. So often it is about the lessons learned and the things discovered, as that is really the reason that we wanted to attend the event in the first place. Hence here are my revelations.

We are very lucky. Going away somewhere completely different is always a good grounding experience. It is hard sometimes to see what you have when you are surrounded by it, and somewhere different often presents the shift in perspective that you need. This weekend was a good reminder in a lot of ways that we are lucky; lucky to have each other, lucky to be able to learn and grow together, just lucky to have the opportunities that we do really.

We work well together.  Being away from the usual environment always means that I lean naturally on HL, as much as he looks after me. I tend to defer to him in all things, not from protocol but because that is an instinctive fit for me. He falls into the role of leader in a way which has never been discussed or agreed but has always just happened and worked well. Being at an event where we were able to be open about who we really are was nice. We were out, not just together but as missy and HL and it felt good to be like that again in such a comfortable way.

We have some cool friends. Meeting other couples in a similar dynamic has always been a real draw for us so this was one of the clear positives of the weekend.  We are fortunate that we have met people online who we have been able to meet in real life and who have then become friends. There is a real buzz for me when I find someone who is into the same things, but also on the same wavelength as me. I am often overwhelmed by the openness and generosity of others to help and to share what they have learnt and what they have found. The excitement of a genuine connection is something that means a lot and the fact that I felt that with several people made it really special for me.

We don’t want to play in public enough to do it unless it feels right for us. Our play is very sexual and relies a lot on the mental side. The triggers for me to go deeper tend to be more psychological than physical so to be in a situation where that is not possible means that the end result is not going to work as well for us. Although some might think it odd, we would rather play in private and play in the way that is right for us, than to do it in public in a way which doesn’t really fit. Public play is something that we would like to do at some point but this was not the right setting for us.

We have some kinky work-ons.  As HL said we were very fortunate to be invited to watch another couple do some needle play; this confirmed that it was something we would like to try and also  gave us confidence. Flogging is not something that has been a real draw for us but with the purchase of some new floggers which are better suited to the type of way we want to use them, it could still have a place on our play programme. We want to experiment with more orgasm denial. We enjoy using forced orgasm and do this pretty well, but we realised how well the denial side could work into the humiliation part of play that we are experimenting with more and more.

Labels are limiting. This is not a revelation but something that I have danced back and forth with over the years. While labels can be helpful they can also box you in in a way that limits you. We had some good discussion over the weekend, both on the journey down and the journey home, about where these limits were with regard to our straight and monogamous labels. I think that for both of us we have passed the signpost that said ‘never say never’ this way. We feel open to the idea of different things, and sometimes that is all it takes. It is good to know that we have both reached a place where we can look at our relationship and our play in a way which no longer rules things out, but considers the opportunities which present themselves as just that.