submissy

Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

Submissive Musings

Revelations

big reveal
Perhaps revelations is too strong; discoveries and confirmations may actually fit better. HisLordship has written already, an account of our time at KinkFest. I didn’t want to write my own as that seemed a little pointless, if not repetitive. What I do think is important, however, is what we have taken from the experience. So often it is about the lessons learned and the things discovered, as that is really the reason that we wanted to attend the event in the first place. Hence here are my revelations.
We are very lucky. Going away somewhere completely different is always a good grounding experience. It is hard sometimes to see what you have when you are surrounded by it, and somewhere different often presents the shift in perspective that you need. This weekend was a good reminder in a lot of ways that we are lucky; lucky to have each other, lucky to be able to learn and grow together, just lucky to have the opportunities that we do really.
We work well together.  Being away from the usual environment always means that I lean naturally on HL, as much as he looks after me. I tend to defer to him in all things, not from protocol but because that is an instinctive fit for me. He falls into the role of leader in a way which has never been discussed or agreed but has always just happened and worked well. Being at an event where we were able to be open about who we really are was nice. We were out, not just together but as missy and HL and it felt good to be like that again in such a comfortable way.
We have some cool friends. Meeting other couples in a similar dynamic has always been a real draw for us so this was one of the clear positives of the weekend.  We are fortunate that we have met people online who we have been able to meet in real life and who have then become friends. There is a real buzz for me when I find someone who is into the same things, but also on the same wavelength as me. I am often overwhelmed by the openness and generosity of others to help and to share what they have learnt and what they have found. The excitement of a genuine connection is something that means a lot and the fact that I felt that with several people made it really special for me.
We don’t want to play in public enough to do it unless it feels right for us. Our play is very sexual and relies a lot on the mental side. The triggers for me to go deeper tend to be more psychological than physical so to be in a situation where that is not possible means that the end result is not going to work as well for us. Although some might think it odd, we would rather play in private and play in the way that is right for us, than to do it in public in a way which doesn’t really fit. Public play is something that we would like to do at some point but this was not the right setting for us.
We have some kinky work-ons.  As HL said we were very fortunate to be invited to watch another couple do some needle play; this confirmed that it was something we would like to try and also  gave us confidence. Flogging is not something that has been a real draw for us but with the purchase of some new floggers which are better suited to the type of way we want to use them, it could still have a place on our play programme. We want to experiment with more orgasm denial. We enjoy using forced orgasm and do this pretty well, but we realised how well the denial side could work into the humiliation part of play that we are experimenting with more and more.
Labels are limiting. This is not a revelation but something that I have danced back and forth with over the years. While labels can be helpful they can also box you in in a way that limits you. We had some good discussion over the weekend, both on the journey down and the journey home, about where these limits were with regard to our straight and monogamous labels. I think that for both of us we have passed the signpost that said ‘never say never’ this way. We feel open to the idea of different things, and sometimes that is all it takes. It is good to know that we have both reached a place where we can look at our relationship and our play in a way which no longer rules things out, but considers the opportunities which present themselves as just that.
 

17 Comments

  1. Sounds like you came away with a lot!

  2. That’s a lot of things you gained!!!

    • I think a lot of them were there already but it did help to confirm things for us which is always good 😊

  3. Brilliant post thanks Missy 😊😊😊😊

  4. Great revelations, it’s grounding I think to have the opportunity to have things you already know confirmed, plus exciting to see where these things can take you. I know we felt similar and it was all worth it for that alone ☺️

    • Yes you are right. Who knows we’re things will go in reality but a fresh perspective is always helpful 😊

  5. I find it interesting you call him HL. Almost as if he is your god. For me, he is like my god, and sometimes I say that I’d like to pray at his altar. And then I do. Lol

    • I think there is a type of submission where that is how you feel. I am less like that I think but HL is the way I have come to speak of him when referring to him as my Dom. He would say if only to the thought of be worshipping at his alter. Sometimes it is more like he has to drag me to my knees kicking and screaming. I want it but I fight it. I do love him though. With all my heart and all my soul 😊

      • I’m very spiritual and so I tend to refer to him like my god. But the thing about equals… if he is my god then I am his goddess and he must also pay homage to the mother of his children and the goddess I am. Haha. But I’m not really like that. He actually said he felt I was using him for sex! Like all I wanted was his cock and not *him* so I stopped doing that.
        It’s really complicated and awkward. I’m his sub, and he’s my dom. And… it’s not really just that. He’s the king and I’m the hand of the king (think of game of thrones), so… now I have to figure out what the king wants as well as to create it. And in a way that reminds him that he really is the king and I’m just trying to serve him. I’m not trying to usurp any throne. Or take the place as “dom”. I love him with all of my heart and soul, too. And sometimes I think he doesn’t realise that everything I do is really for him? If that makes sense.

        • Yes it does make sense. I think that is part of focusing on the needs of the other rather than on your own needs. In effect you meet your own need in that you have a need to serve and please etc 😊

          • Yes!!!! Omg yes!!!! I just wish he could see it that way too?? You know??? But I’m not at a very stable place at the moment (health and hormones and etc) to maintain a stable air about me… ugh! I just have to wait. You know? For the right time. And I know it will all come together and work cohesively again. But I’m not patient and I am so aggressive! But not really aggressive. I’ve been watching movies (confined to a couch at the moment), and I just watched “game night” just now. And if you’ve seen that movie, I’m Rachel McAdams and my man is Jason Bateman. Haha.
            I love your blog because you get it. We’re aggressive or powerful women, and we submit to no one… except our equal. Our other half. He has to be damned worthy of our submission. You know? I love it.

          • Yes I do feel like that. I think that at points HL has expected me to be less challenging but then my strength is partly what he was attracted to. And when I submit to him it makes it worth more to him. I know that not everyone is like that but a lot of the submissives I know are strong independent women who are quite dominant in other parts of their lives. 😊

          • I dont know m/any submissives. We know no one on real life who seem to be like us. So it’s a bit isolating. I’m trying to get my man into more kink social thingys? Just to meet people like us. But I’m not too sure where to start here in Aus. I mean, I’ve found a couple of clubs but it’s a bit daunting to muster up the galls to go to any gathering for the first time.

          • We mostly socialise online. You are always welcome at any of our chats if the timings suit. We have found that way works as we are in quite a rural area and also have concerns about privacy. 😊

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