I often look at people who are completely open about leading a D/s dynamic and wish I could be more like that. I believe so strongly in what we are doing and in the fact that it is the right thing for us. I know that it wouldn’t suit everyone but I also think there are other couples who’s relationships might also lend themselves to such a dynamic, so it feels important to me that I should advocate for it. So not being ‘out’ is something that is hard for me.

There is really only one reason that I choose not to reveal my real identity and that is the fact that it would not sit well with my profession. While being submissive in itself would not be something which could lose me my job, it would cause some issues. The content of my blog, however, is likely to be much more limiting in terms of my career. It makes me angry that this is the case as it seems unfair that I should be deemed morally unfit, but that would be the likely outcome.

This is why I choose to stick with the pseudonym of missy. However, I don’t see missy as being an online persona; I see her as being me. She is as big a part of me as the part who is known to the vanilla world and actually those who know missy have a much better picture of who I actually am than the others. She is very definitely real and I think that she is probably the most real part of me, so I tend to reveal as much as I can to give the truest picture I can.

The details of my life which I choose to share on here are true. I try to be sensible but in reality if anyone who knows me from my other life was to stumble onto my blog, the dots would not be hard to join up. I prefer to think that if this happened, they would have found my blog for the reason that we have a lifestyle in common rather to out me and make my life difficult, but you can never be too careful. I don’t think I am hidden exactly, but neither am I in full view.

Although the two parts of me are quite well defined, there is a definite overlap between them because, of course, I am one person. Ultimately they are different in terms of what each can reveal due to the expectations, and the restrictions, placed upon them. This is really just a perception as I am who I am, some people just don’t see fully who that is. Those who know me from the online world may not know the name I use in the vanilla world and may not know where I live but they know about what makes me, me.

In ‘real life’ I am open about our relationship, my blog and our site where I can be. I have shared this with some family and with a number of friends. This has happened because it is a big part of me and so I can’t really remain close to someone without being honest about who I am. From my experience the limits to vanilla friendships where I can’t disclose the whole truth seem to happen more and far outweigh the limits placed on online relationships where I don’t disclose my real name.

One of the main reasons for an online presence in the first place was for us to meet other people in similar dynamics, so we have made a point of trying to meet up with people I have built relationships with online from the beginning really. HL and I went out of our way to meet several couples from the first site we were members on and later organised an event for us all to attend. We have subsequently had people to stay with us and our family, so I don’t really feel that there are too many limits to where it can go once the trust has been established.

Clearly we take chances with people but this life is about taking chances sometimes and I do believe in the old adage – nothing ventured, nothing gained, so we try to make these calculated risks. I hope that things don’t backfire on me one day but I will not live in fear of this happening and allow it to prevent me from forming friendships and growing as a person. If things happened and it all turned bad then I think I would have to stick my flogger in the sand, harness my warrior princess, and look for a very good kink-friendly employment lawyer.



F4TFriday #59 – It’s A Secret