submissy

Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

Submissive Journal

Poser

 
PoserI have blogged quite a bit about posting risqué photographs of myself so I was pleased it came up as a topic for Food For Thought Friday. It has been quite a journey for me in a number of ways. Initially I wanted to do it for two reasons. The first was because it was something that HisLordship had wanted to do for quite a while. This had led to him posting various pictures in various places and often ended with me asking him to take them down. I was worried about the security of it all as I run a risk due to my job and I was also worried about what people would think of me.
This leads to reason number two. Body image issues. One of the reasons that I started posting pictures was because I have some (lots) of issues with my body. This is also something well documented on my blog. I hoped that to post pictures would allow me to be able to see myself more positively which would then have the effect of me feeling more positive about my body and would be positive for our relationship. I thought that these were all separate parts but actually I see that all of the things are connected now I start to write – so often the way.
So there were two reasons to do it: meeting HL’s desire to post the pictures of me and challenging my own perception of my body. But there were also two reasons there why I didn’t want to do it. The first was my job and we won’t go there because it still freaks me out to think about the what ifs. Let’s just say I am vulnerable and it would be career limiting. Eeek. Moving on. The second was what other people would think. Some of that was linked to body image. Would they think I looked too fat? Would they be as disgusted and repulsed by my body as I was? Would they laugh at the ridiculousness of someone like me posing for pictures as if my body was desirable?
But a big part was also about what they would think of me as a person. I was missy, a married submissive who blogged about her relationship. There was lots of written detail on my blog, even some about sex and kink, but there were never pictures. Especially not risqué ones. There were pictures of other people from google but not of me. Would it be too much? Would it spoil what I was for them? Would it make them cringe to see a picture of (parts of) me naked? Would I shatter any illusion I had created about who I was? I felt accepted as me, and that was simply to do with me as a person, so to do something which would change this was actually a huge issue for me. I was giving a body to the personality, and a naked body pretending she felt sexy at that.
In the time I had been blogging I had built up some good relationships with other bloggers who commented on the posts about my relationship and how it was going. I felt that they came to read what I had written and wouldn’t expect to (or want to) suddenly see a picture of my boobs popping up at them. I worried about how that would go down and while part of me was encouraged by the body positive bloggers I was inspired by as I cautiously looked at Sinful Sunday, another part was worried what other people would think. So when I took the plunge and started posting pictures, I really did feel torn.
Actually I think it has been really positive. Through taking part in Molly’s Sinful Sunday meme I have made some brilliant new blogging friends. They are incredible people who are inspiring and motivating and encouraging. They have been hugely influential to me and I appreciate how supportive and inclusive they have all been in such a short space of time. I am pleased to say that this has also helped my body image issues. Having that sort of feedback has allowed me to challenge my own irrational perception with more than the views of HL (I know that should be enough but mental illness can be a tough one to get around).
As for my concern about the people who visited my blog to read my posts, I hope that no-one has been hugely offended. Certainly no one has told me that it has changed their perception of me in a negative way. I imagine that some will not click on the photo posts when they pop up on the wordpress reader and that is fine. I know that some people visit to see the pictures, some visit to read my writing, and some visit to do both, so I can breathed a huge sigh of relief and enjoy the fact that I am very lucky and have the best of two amazing worlds now.
I have always loved writing on my blog and the refection that it allows me has contributed so much to my growth as a submissive and also to my understanding of myself in general terms. The posting of pictures has added to that in a way which I could never have predicted and it has allowed me to cross some of the boundaries which I had set up to protect me for so long. By challenging myself, I have been able to release a different side of me, a poser who becomes so completely lost in the moment that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks or says. Well until she flips back into her conscious side that is!

#F4TFriday

 

28 Comments

  1. You are lovely. The images you share don’t feel like jarring diversions from your writing, they’re just another element of what you’re reflecting on.
    There’s a chance this will make you uncomfortable, but you’ve been a great example for me as a new submissive. You are sexy, vulnerable, and push your own boundaries, but you are also frank about your reality and encourage others to be the same. You remind everyone that the D/s life is real: sometimes messy, sometimes boring, and sometimes incredibly beautiful. It’s life, with a twist.
    I appreciate what you choose to share with all of us. And I love that headboard! 😉

    • Aww foxy that is such a lovely comment. I feel quite overwhelmed but it means so much to me that is how you feel. You have made my day – thank you. The headboard is nice. Not ours unfortunately as it was taken during one of our hotel breaks 😊

  2. Well done you, on a whole range of accounts! I do know what it feels like to be anxious about work finding out, I’m retired properly as of last month, but I had a whole year of worrying about what would happen if the uni I worked for found out. So it feels pretty blissful to be free of that concern.
    As for the other comments I adore these pics you look young and fresh and very innocent! I agree with Foxy – lovely. As for the married woman bit, well thats between you and your sir I would think – nobody else’s business…
    Keep posting gorgeous, we appreciate you and it works well with you blog…
    Indie xx

    • Thank you Indie. You have been so encouraging with me and that really counts for a lot. It must be great to finally be free of work. Yay. I hope you take the opportunity to get even wilder 😊

      • Working on it hon! xx

        • I look forward to reading all about it. You can take the UK by storm 😊

          • Lol, I’m going to be running around “like a hairy goat” but probably not behaving like one in any other sense. Still I am very much looking forward to my visit. I will probably crash for a month when I get home… xx

          • I bet. We are stuck up at the top of the country but not sure how far up you are coming 😊

          • edinburgh

          • I will send you a message 😊

  3. I like seeing who is behind the words, and maybe it’s different as I know you IRL, so seeing images of you just added to the words, but well done on breaking down those boundaries.

  4. I am so glad you feel comfortable sharing your nude images. You’re lovely and so are your images.

  5. You’re an inspiring, intelligent, sexy and beautiful woman….. ❤️❤️

  6. I’m a little under the weather today but your images always light up my day!

  7. I always enjoy your posts . . . AND, as you know, your images!!!
    And I think you will become more and more “completely lost in the moment that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks or says.” As you surely should do, because your beauty and sincerity shines out for all of us to enjoy!!!
    Lovely !!!
    Xxx – K

    • Thank you. That is really kind and I hope it happens like that. I think the courage and encouragement of others can be an infectious thing. Certainly it has worked like that so far 😊

  8. I think there’s a difference between someone posting porn shots of themselves and beautiful artistic pictures that honor their body. I completely relate to the privacy and career aspects, and I admire your courage in sharing parts of you that are out of your comfort zone. 🙂

  9. holdenandcamille

    This is a GORGEOUS photo! You look fantastic! ~C

    • Thank you. We took it a while ago but it seemed a bit too posed to use so this seemed to fit 😊

  10. Where to start? You’re sexy as hell, you’re smoking kiddo! What can I say 😉
    I think someone over there knows how to take a good photo, there’s not one of us that looks good if the photo isn’t well posed and well taken – hence, my compliments to the pair of you. I fully understand the difficulties you described ie, work, you do need to be so careful – it could be mortifying if things blew up, in a bad way I mean – omg, you sexy thing! X 😮 X

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