Tradition is something that has been quite significant for us as a couple. I guess that some would say that the things that we do sexually are far from traditional, but the dynamic where I am submissive to my HL and he leads and makes the decisions is much more of a traditional set up. Some people observing us would call it old-fashioned, but personally I love the gentlemanly way that he treats me. I do get that the feminists will feel that I am not playing my part for our cause, but for me equality simply means that I get the same choices as a man, and if in reality what I choose to do is to serve one, then I should be allowed to do that without it causing offence.
And I do choose to do that. Not because I see myself as being less than him, but because I am different to him. We work better when we have more clearly defined roles and our personalities lend themselves well to the set up that we have. If it follows the tradition of our grandparents then so be it but that is not why we have chosen it. We have not chosen to live with a power exchange relationship because of tradition but because it is what works well for us and we live in a day and age where people are able to make choices about how they wish to live. At the end of the day it is about what is right for us and that should in no way have an impact over what is a good fit for others.
HisLordship has always displayed what I would call gentlemanly behaviour. He is protective and respectful. He knows that I am capable of doing things for myself but he likes to do them for me and I like that too. He happens to fit well into the stereotype of what would typically be considered masculine, for example he enjoys DIY. I also enjoy more traditionally female pastimes – baking, shopping etc. Although we both fit quite neatly into the boxes prescribed by society, neither of us do this because we see it as the right thing to do but more because it is just how we are.
Sometimes it feels as much of a clanger in the kink world to admit that you are straight and monogamous as it does within the vanilla world to admit that you are submissive and into BDSM. We seem to tread a path which is too traditional for some and not traditional enough for others. The thing is with tradition is that you really need to make traditions your own. You need to find the ones that work for you and celebrate them with all that you have. For us they have not remained static. We have changed as individuals and as a couple and our traditions have changed with us.
When we first set up home together, we spent a lot of time thinking about how to blend our family. We were a group of none when together but there were smaller groups within that. And each group had its own traditions. So part of what we had to do was to create new traditions which we could use to give us our own identity. This took some working out initially but now most of these traditions are bedded in and are something that holds us all together. Children are adaptable and quick to see that different traditions exists in different environments so that really wasn’t an issue.
We are past the stage now of ultimatums to join in with our various events and traditions. It has gone beyond that as the kids have grown and we have found that they return to participate in them out of choice. They take for granted what happens on a birthday, or at Easter or on the first Sunday of every month. They also take for granted that HL makes the decisions for the household and that if they want to make sure we are organised for their visit and there is a cake in the tin, they should let me know when they will be arriving.
It was interesting this past weekend when out eldest came home with his girlfriend that many of the more traditional behaviours that we have as a couple were being duplicated by them. I do think that in some ways we are a bit of a contradiction though. We are a combination of very traditional in some senses but also very modern and flexible in others. We have etiquette at the table which could sit well in times gone by, but dinner conversation which would certainly never have taken place. Personally I think that traditions are important as they help to give you an identity as a group but I do think that they should be things that matter to you and you can enjoy.