This is my release. You are my release. What we do is my release.

ButterflyYou release me from myself, from my head and from the whirl and swirl of rules that I make to tame the uncertainty and confusion of life. I have done it for so long it is habit, my way of keeping calm and of feeling safe. But it lets me down and it is a strain trying to attain the unattainable. Through the mist of my confusion, when I am clinging on to the way I am as if it is the only thing left that can keep me protected, you come along and you agree to take charge.

With a calm rationality you make rules that are achievable, that make sense. You make decisions which are clear and you consider all things in a balanced way. There is no space in your head for the overthinking that would talk you out of things. You have a certainty, an understanding, an acceptance that this will work and it will be fine. You don’t need to measure it against an unknown stick and wonder would this be better, or that, or the next.

And so it is done. It is agreed. And we move on. Your way. You listen, of course, to the whirl and the swirl and it tries to derail you at times. It pushes up and you take it into account and harness it in a way which makes more sense and it all falls into place. And as the steadiness continues and we slip into a pattern, I start to let go. It is a slow and slightly hesitant release at the start but the trust builds.

And I breathe. In and out. Slowly.

I notice that from the calm comes something else. A window, a way to explore.  It brings with it a physical release to follow the emotional one. And from the slow unpicking comes something faster. It is quicker, more forceful, more demanding.  It is a freedom. A removal of the tethers which bind me to my thoughts and leave only the bond which ties me to you. And you bring me peace after the pleasure and the pain.

You push me to my limits and release what I didn’t even know was there. You do it over and over and I crawl towards you time again, no longer ashamed of what I need. I need you. I need to you, to be like this, to have the release and to be free. It is what I want. It is what I need. It allows me to feel in a way I was always scared to feel, to do things I was always afraid to do and be something I never thought I could be.

This is my release. You are my release. What we do is my release.

Prompt #316 Release

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