I was pleased to see that the kink of the week topic this time was role-play. I like role-play and I thought that it was something I could write about. Then I realised that I ALREADY HAD! so the post I would have written is there if you want to read about my experience of role-play and the things that work and those which don’t. I have also written a Schoolgirl Scene if you are more interested in an example of what we do. I still wanted to write something, and reading some of the other entries made me realise that there are many who do not enjoy role-play which made me feel a little bit in the minority.
Firstly I want to make it clear that role-play is not something that we do a lot. Most of our play is based on scenes which centre around the power exchange between Dom and sub, in our case HisLordship and missy. While these are roles I guess, we don’t feel that we are ‘playing’ at them, more that they are an integral part of who we are. I feel that I have many different faces to wear which coincide with the different roles I have. My life is not conducive to being missy around other people and I will draw on other parts of my personality in order to be successful in those other roles. I am not ‘playing’ at these roles either, but I do try to adopt a persona for some of them. I am not the same all the time and I do find it hard when these roles become crossed or blurred.
Recently there was an occasion when HL came to work. He had brought my daughter in and both noted the difference in my character when in work mode. The mother, the wife, the teacher, the submissive. Even within the teacher, there are different parts to play in order to make the whole thing work well. So I feel that I play different parts a lot of the time and they all work together to form the whole. When I am missy though, I feel that is me. I am a follower of rules and I set a lot of those for myself internally. This means that there is a lot of self-control. When I am able to let go of that control, I feel that I am free to be me. I am no longer shaping myself in a way that makes me who or what I should be for others.
Having said that, it is not always easy for me to let go. There are years and years of layers built up to keep me from failing, to keep me meeting the expectations that I think others have of me and that is exhausting and sometimes not helpful to letting go. Finding D/s has been great as it allows me to reach that place, but some of the boundaries are hard to push and role-play can help with that. I can’t take on just any role as if I feel too self conscious then it will hold me back rather then setting me free, but if I am able to get into it, then I can explore things that usually I might not have been able to. It allows me to explore my fantasies and play out some of the internal dialogue that runs along, at times, in my mind. And that is hot.
It also allows me to capture the parts of my character than might not be utilised otherwise. The cheeky, naughty side, the playful side, the dirty side. While these are things that are explored during our non-role play, I find it hard to really express myself and make it clear what I want. I am working on trying to be more vocal but often it will pull me out of the submissive space I have fallen into. I am naturally submissive in the bedroom, but playing these other roles will allow me to be more active within that and actually verbalise what I want. It is her and not me and therefore the shame that would usually hold me back and make me want to be a willing victim who has something done to them instead, is put to one side.
I have written a lot about humiliation and about my need to be made to own my own kinky desires as that is what really turns me on. We have found that role-play is another way to get us there. We usually stick to roles which are very Dominant/submissive as the power exchange is clearly a huge switch for both of us; they also have to fall within what is comfortable, so the favourites would be things like schoolgirl, patient, naughty elf etc. During these times I can tap into parts of my nature which might not come out during our other scenes but which lend themselves well to these roles and play our in a way which is erotic for both of us.
I am sorry that this is more about me than about role-play itself but as I said, I had written that post already. The pieces I read which stated they did not like role-play acknowledged the fact that was a personal thing and were accepting of the fact that it could work well for others. I would say the same in that it works for me for a reason and that won’t be the case for all other couples. What turns each of us on can be quite different and I think this has to be considered when thinking about the roles that might fit. As an emotional masochist, anything which hits those buttons for humiliation will do it for me, whether it is within a role, a feature of a scene, or just as part of our general play.