This week’s Kink of the Week is tails so I thought I would explain more about what it is that I get from this kink. When I posted A Tail of the Unexpected back in March I said that wearing a tail was something that I once fantasised about but it was never something that I expected I would do. It seemed extreme to me to have a cold piece of metal inserted into my bum and then to advertise the fact through the swishing of the tail that trailed behind me. It also had associations of something primal and animalistic that appealed to me. The unnatural, the dirty and the abnormal all sort of combined in my head to leave a delicious fantasy of being exposed to others for what I really was.
I once mentioned a scenario involving a bunny tail back when we were still in our dating phase. I am not sure if he remembers about it. It was an ‘if only we were together for easter this is what I would do,’ sort of text message and a couple of Easters came and went after that and it wasn’t mentioned again. Becoming D/s meant that our fantasies and the things that we might want to try were discussed in a more structured way than they had been in the past, and at that point tails were probably skirted over as a tick and just part of the anal play/butt plug conversations taking place at that time.
I am not sure exactly when I mentioned a tail again but I could see his interest peak. I have since learnt that I have to be careful with thinking aloud, and it seemed that no sooner were the words out of my mouth than the parcel arrived in the post. It was actually part of my birthday present one year – a racoon tail. Although I liked the look and the feel of the tail, I wasn’t too sure what a racoon was. He told me that they were cute but sort of scavengers that went through the bins and that maybe if I was naughty he would black my nose and put me outside in the garden like a real racoon. I didn’t like it but I felt something inside me sort of shift at the thought and kept quiet for fear my arousal would betray me again.
Tails cause cognitive dissonance for me. They are so much part of the forbidden, the things I shouldn’t want to do, the parts of me that I have always pushed away that they cause a level of discomfort that is actually a trigger to me feeling submissive and aroused. They are part of the wrong things that I simultaneously want, and don’t want, to do. They represent the place where my two thought processes and the two parts of me collide. The wearing of a tail, and the fact that I not only permit it but also get off on it, mean that I have to throw aside the sort of girl I feel I should be and embrace the sort of girl I am and that brings a huge sense of freedom. It looks and feels wrong but it also looks and feels so good.
Wearing a tail feels nice; it swishes and brushes against my legs as I move and I like the heavy feeling the metal weight of the plug causes. It makes me feel submissive and playful but over time some of the conflict described above has been removed as my mind has accepted it more as something we like to do. This tends to happen with a lot of the kink that we experiment with. It starts as one thing but it can move into another as we play with it and push our limits. We spark off each other and things tend to morph and grow as that process plays out.
This has led to thoughts of wearing a tail, or at least being made to wear it, in situations which would increase these feelings again. I imagine items of clothing which have been adapted to allow for its wear out in public. I imagine the site of my tail catching people’s eye as I walk past them and their thoughts – is she…..she can’t be…..is it in her……OMG it is……that’s disgusting……..and weird. I imagine the way the thought process plays out, wondering what sort of person would do that, what would make them want to or agree to. And then wondering why they feel uncomfortable but also aroused.
I imagine also wearing a tail in a more acceptable public setting but one where it is an open declaration of the sorts of things that I am used for. It is the recognition from others of what it means, it is their imagined discomfort at their own cognitive dissonance that triggers and fuels my own. It forms part of my desire for erotic humiliation. The shock, the horror, the disgust but the acceptance and the acknowledgment of the erotic pull to try something forbidden, to become something other, to be free to explore and to be driven by the desires and responses of your body.
Of course a tail is not the only thing that brings this sort of feeling into play for me. It happens from lots of other things too (mostly anally rooted, blush) but it is an example of what more a tail can do for me as a kink. It is not just the wearing of it for role play or the physical sensation of it as part of sexual play. It taps into a different side of his Dominance and control over me, and the subsequent submission of my mind through the taking and using/abusing of my body. As such it is more kinky to me than some of the play that we do, and is also a kink which I know has not yet been full explored as yet.