So I thought I would give an update on how things have been going for me with the 30 Day Orgasm Fun. As I said in First Thoughts, I had a few reasons for wanting to take part, and a few considerations about what it might mean. I can’t say that it has been easy and I have struggled a bit with an orgasm a day. The main reason for this has been the confusion in my mind. Since entering into D/s with HisLordship, my orgasms have been his and I have not masturbated unless under his instruction to do so. I asked permission to take part in the project so that was all cleared, but what was not clear was my mind.
I have found that the orgasms come easily when he is part of it but harder when he is not. I feel an awkwardness about it that wasn’t there before and I wondered about giving up. I tend not to think about arousing myself these days and will wait until he triggers that part of me through the build up to play. Of course I will feel horny sometimes and will try to instigate something then, in a subtle and submissive way of course, but for the most part my arousal will come after we begin to play and will be triggered by what he says and does.
One thing that I do, thank you Furcissy for pointing this out, is to make excuses for myself sometimes where growth is concerned. I will come up with lots of valid reasons why something won’t work or doesn’t work or can’t work and this can limit me somewhat. So I didn’t want to do that about this. As an experiment there is nothing really to be lost by continuing and seeing whether I can push past the block that I seem to have. I spoke to HL about it which was interesting. Essentially I wanted to provide him with my thinking and ask him to make a decision about whether or not I continued, but as usual it ended up being more emlightening than that.
It was interesting as he said that he has struggled more with masturbation too; I guess we are lucky that there is no longer the same need there that there once was. He made a good point though in that many of his fantasies would come from times when he was masturbating – the same is true for me. So he felt that it would be good for me to continue and, perhaps that it would be something that we might do together. I feel much better about this as I no longer feel the pressure and responsibility to make the decision or ask, should I do this now or not. It was a bit false to be honest so I feel happier that he will let me know beforehand what is going to happen.
So to answer the three questions from my last post:
- Would it help my Headaches? No – unfortunately they have been as bad as ever.
- Would it change my view of my body as being his? No – but this led to confusion and made the process more difficult so I hope this new approach will help.
- Could I still have a ‘vanilla orgasm’? No, not easily. My fantasies are seeming to be quite extreme which is something for further discussion I think.
The last thing to do is to update you on my Dribble (my 30 word orgasm Drabble) which I have been keeping up to date and tweeting about each day.
Here are the first 10 days.
Energy. Excitement. Part of something. Concentrate. The phone. The recording. Oh God. I’m getting there. The Phone beside my head. I’m laughing. I’m coming and laughing and coming and laughing.
Him or me? Me. No him. Use that. Try this? Better with this. And…….relax. Here it comes. (Should we have used that?) No – this is it. Tipping over …………….. YES!
Hotel room. Rough kisses. Then cock in mouth, desperate for him. Squeezed nipples, pinched and flicked. More pain. Her tongue swirls and she sucks hard, again, again, until they burst.
Getting lost. Going deeper. Moving against the wand. Waves washing over me, riding the pleasure, bucking and twisting and pushing higher and higher. Tip over. Then……..a-n-o-t-h-e-r………hidden in aftershocks.
Finding it hard. Keep going then give up – frustrated. An offer. A lazy orgasm? I take it. Not lazy, much more lovely. Love covers me in warmth and it comes.
With the Crescendo. Starting – pianissimo, con amore. Changing pace – allegretto, con spirito. Now, more feeling – passionato. Tremolo. More crescendo to fortissimo! Accelerando, con fuoco. Then presto, presto, presto and ……… Fine!
Fun but no orgasm. Nice play, building up. Getting there, and there, and there. Then interruption, shift position, start again. Something else in the air. Cuddle, kiss, spoon to finish.
Alone in the morning. Disappear into a fantasy. Snapshots of forbidden take me to the top. Then later, together, the cane, the wand, cock in mouth, he takes me back.
Alone at last. Spanked to spacey. The tingle. The fire. The heat. Then the touch. Disappearing. Becoming lost to his touch. Touch me. More. More. Closer and closer to you.
Tricky again. Mood not right. There and not and there and not. Not sure whether to carry on but want to complete the challenge. Persevere, keep going and it comes!