A to Z Challenge – D
Three more great topics for today. DOMINANCE. For me, without that there would be no submission, at least in the form that it exists now. HisLordship is not a Dominant, he is my Dominant and I am not a submissive, I am his submissive and that is the way it works. Although D/s is something that we have chosen, it is not something that we were previously. We both had personalities which lend themselves well to these roles and there are elements of these traits in our nature, but essentially we were husband and wife who enjoyed a bit of kink prior to committing to this.
Some time ago now, I was challenged by one of the ‘Twitter Doms.’ He was a ‘red pill’ ‘manosphere’ sort of guy and for a while the comments of such people seemed to invade my timeline. When I challenged one of his statements he told me that “When Dominance is solicited it will ring hollow. He has to want to change and choose on his own.” He linked me a couple of his posts so that I could ‘learn more’ and I will confess to feeling more than a little horrified about what I read. Although I linked him a couple of my posts back I don’t think he ever read them and followed up with the advice that, “if you have to ask your husband to be dominant, who is really in charge?” My thoughts on this are contained here, Soliciting Dominance where my indignation and annoyance sent me on a little rant of my own.
I suppose what I am saying is that it is important that anything you do fits with the sort of person you are and the values that you have. The method of this particular person, to “shove your dick up her ass every day until she knows she’s got to submit,” doesn’t fit well with my values, although he claimed to be successfully selling it to men as a way of finding an ideal life partner. In the post, A Need for Domination, I explain in a bit more detail about the sort of Dominance that I crave and what it is that I enjoy and need about it.
DROP (sometimes called sub drop or Dom drop) is an experience with characteristics which can be similar to depression or withdrawal. It typically occurs after an intense scene and is usually caused by adrenaline and endorphin crashes following the scene. The feelings associated with drop can be physical such as tiredness, a headache or even flu-like symptoms, but can also be more emotional such as feeling needy, low in mood or tearful. There is quite a lot written about the existence of drop as a result of play, but not so much written about drop as a result of a dip in the dynamic and this is something that I believe can be a real issue for those in a 24/7 D/s relationship. Sir and I wrote about this at The SafeworD/s Club in the posts: Sub Drop and Dom Drop.
My third D for today is DISCIPLINE. We do not use a lot of punishment in our dynamic as I generally try to please HisLordship and behave in a way which I think he will like. I do have rules and I try to follow those because I know that they are things which matter to him and which are there for my own benefit. In addition, Sir is quite an easygoing sort of person so we will use discipline at times but it is not a huge part of our relationship. Certain rules will have certain punishments and we will have times of higher protocol when things are more strict. The posts Discipline and Punishment and More Discipline explain a but more.
I hope that you have delighted in reading about the letter D. Check tomorrow for the letter E and to see the rest of my A-Z, click here: A to Z Challenge