I had a message from one of my good friends this morning where she said that she had read my 1st March entry and asked if I needed to talk. I told her that we were okay and thanked her, adding that things move pretty fast and that usually the process of writing helped. She then asked if I wrote what I couldn’t say. I told her no, and went on to explain, but it made me think that it might be a good topic for a post. So here goes with how writing works for me and how and why it helps.
Writing sorts out my emotions. I think that simply put, emotions are a reaction to thoughts and therefore if I work through my thoughts to arrive at some sort of understanding of them, then my emotions will change in line with that. Writing helps me to process what I feel so it is cathartic in that sense, but also helps me to move things on. Feelings can be really vague and seem to float around my head at times, but putting them into words solidifies them and that helps me to move forward in a more rational way. As soon as I have written it all down, I feel better.
It might not be better as in things are fixed of course, the power of the pen is not that mighty, but certainly I feel more resolved about it usually. I often will have come full circle in terms of accepting what has happened which then allows me to get my thinking into a place where I can feel it is a lesson learned, rather than being something I am still struggling with. This has never been the intention when writing and it wasn’t until I was asked the question this morning that I realised that is what happens, but looking back, not just at earlier this week but other times too, I can see that it is a really helpful thing for me. Things build up, I let off steam, I write, and I am calm.
I tend to be quite a calm person generally and am also quite resilient, so sometimes things will build up a bit before I realise that they are affecting me. I am also not a person who can stew over things for long as I like a resolution so I will address any issues as soon as I become aware of them. The result is that things will see to reach a climax quite fast, I will have a bit of an emotional outburst, and then shift to thinking about it. I find it hard not to talk to HisLordship when I feel like this, which can be good in that it is addressed right away, but also not good as sometimes I am not as controlled about what I say as I should be.
Writing ties into this as I have always found that I wanted to write when I feel strong emotions. When I was much younger I wrote poetry as a way of processing things, but usually that was only when I was experiencing some sort of negative emotion. I never really thought about the words; I would just put pen to paper and something would come. I would go back and read it to understand what I was feeling and to work out what I needed to do. These days I experience positive emotions much more often than negative and that is not something that comes out for me in a poetic form.
Writing reflectively, however, has been different and I am able to write here about all sorts of emotions. I can share my excitement, my anxiety, my love, my frustration, my confusion and my passion. It has been the ideal forum, not just for working through things, but for being able to look back and see patterns and progress. Initially I was envious of those with the skill to write creatively, as that is something that I feel far less competent at, but actually I think that probably, without even realising it, I have chosen to do something which is therapeutic for me.
This is my journey and it is one of reflection, both of things which are good and things which I am not so proud of. If it helps someone else in the process then all the better but really the main person it is helping is me. In thinking about the words, how to shape the thoughts and express the emotions, I am able to be accountable for my actions and draw conclusions about how to make changes or progress, and that is an invaluable thing. So thank you for sharing in that, for adding your thoughts and comments, and for being a part of something that has become really important to me.