Gentleman: a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man.
Chivalry sounds a bit like one of those antiquated things. The stuff of knights and lords. I know that some will say, very tongue in cheek, that ‘chivalry is not dead’. Well in our house this is true. I see this most in HisLordship’s need to protect, not just me, but other members of our immediate and extended family, as well as friends and other people he perceives as having a need for it. I do know that this is not always a popular thing, as people often don’t like to be seen or recognised as needy. I think that chivalry is not jut about protecting those who need it, but about offering yourself as protector generally. This is not something that everyone will appreciate, to the point where in some camps it has come to be seen as a negative thing to allow it, never mind to encourage it.
HisLordship does not take his protector role for granted and can usually ascertain when and where it is wanted. In his eyes it is not about him, so he will take the wishes of the other person into account but the offer will be there, and sometimes it is made quite insistently. With me, of course, it is more an instruction of his intent than it is an offer, but he will always make sure that he is well briefed about the situation before rushing in. I do like that he does this for me, and for others. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel cared for. It is one of the areas that I relaxed quickly into and enjoy having him to look out for me in that way. It can still feel like a bit of a luxury to have someone who wants to do that for me, and I don’t take it for granted.
Courtesy is not one of the qualities which seems to be quite so controversial. Equality has not called for the removal of courtesy and painted it with the same colours as chivalry has had to wear, and so it is easier to incorporate this, and simply expect that others will follow your lead. And invariably they do. We are not a home where there is a lot of cursing or bad language. We are generally well mannered and well behaved. Respect is key to this I think, and while Sir expects that I am always respectful to him, it is one of those things generally that is expected of all of the family. I am glad to say that as a rule this is observed, and if not it is corrected, not only by him but also by the rest of the group. They will show surprise when we witness people speaking in a disrespectful way and one which is not courteous. It costs nothing to be polite of course.
Honour is more difficult to attribute and it is harder to pinpoint. To me, it is about the code that you follow and the ideals that you live by. It is about things like honesty, integrity and doing what you believe is morally right. This is something that will vary from person to person and I know that Sir is someone who has been known to bend things to his way in the past. I do believe him to be honourable, however, and what he does is always motivated by the greater good, rather that for his own personal gain. He is honesty and trustworthy and reliable and these are qualities which, again, tend to be valued across the board.
I know that old wordly manners are not in favour with some but I enjoy the little things that HisLordship likes to do for me: walking with me on his left or away from traffic, opening doors for me and carrying my bags. There are other things he does, not as a matter of routine, but as and when they come up. He carries a handkerchief which he will offer to me when needed, if dining out he will pull out my seat for me and won’t sit until I am seated and he will wrap me up in his coat if I am cold. These are things that I do not need and can do myself but I like that he likes doing them for me.
I know that for many this will seem old fashioned and antiquated, but he has been brought up to do these things. His dad does the same for his mum, as does his Uncle for his wife and daughters and that is just how they are. Although it is part of his Dominance and Dominant personality to insist on doing these things, it is not an affectation and was always his desire to do them regardless. He has always made sure that he walks me home if I have been out and would not go to bed until I was safe. I know that friends have commented on his attentiveness, and while some of these things will form part of our D/s rules and rituals, much of it is just how he wants to be.
I think that a lot comes from the way you are brought up which is why it falls naturally to him to be as he is. I do not think in this day and age, anyone thinks that women need this sort of care, more that some like it and some men like to provide it. It was not really how I expected things to be. I was brought up with the mind that I was independent and should endeavour to be so in everything that I did. My niece voices her distaste at a door being held open for her and was offended when two boys were chosen to move the benches in PE. Our children tend to see this as an extreme view as that is not what they have seen modelled. Each to his own.
I love a gentleman and I love that he is gentlemanly towards me and towards those that we care about. I do not expect that he behaves this way because he has a penis but there is no reason for me not to enjoy the penis and the mannerly way that he looks our for me too. Not that I tell that to my niece! I don’t insist that I am treated this way, and neither do I expect it. It is more about what I enjoy, and if you can have what you enjoy and enjoy what you have then all better all round.