I know that I have a bit of an issue with things which are too revealing. I am caught between wanting to show the truth and wanting to be accepted and have recently realised that this stems from a lot of things that relate back to childhood. I also have issues with body image. I have written about them here often enough and there does seem to be a recurring theme. I see now that a lot of it is linked to my control and that in order to let go, I need to actually let go, and that means letting go of some of the things which are holding me back. So here goes to throwing caution to the window!
D/s has really helped me with this in a lot of ways already. It has allowed me to be more comfortable at expressing myself in terms of my desires and my kinks and has also allowed me to make progress in being comfortable in my own skin, especially my naked skin. I have tried to focus on seeing myself as HisLordship sees me and I have taken baby steps of progress over the time I have been with him. I am now able to be partly comfortable with him when naked in private, and comfortable partly naked with him in more public places, but I know that I have a long way to go until I am embracing my body in the way that he wants me to.
Some of my discomfort is to do is with my own perception of myself and some of it is to do with how I think other people will view me, so I thought that sharing with others would be a good place for me to start to push my boundaries a bit and to see if I can be more open and throw a little caution to the wind as they say. I am not actually sure if that’s is an idiom that translates universally, but if not then what it means is to do something without worrying about the risk or the negative results. Eeek. This will test me. And, while I do want to grow and be able to reveal more of who I am without being paralysed by the fear of judgement, I do also have to think about the real risks, so there will have to be limits to what I am able to post.
My aim really is that I can be more open. I look at other people who post real pictures and am somewhat envious of their confidence to do so. I think that for many it is not about exhibitionism, it is more about acceptance and celebration of what they have and that is hopefully something that I can also work towards too. While I do have a couple of pictures on my blog of me, and HL has posted some on his blog and Fet pages, most of the time I am trawling google images for something that fits. So I have decided to take part in one of the memes hosted by Molly Moore, Sinful Sunday, which encourages bloggers to post pictures which have ‘some sort or erotic or sensual quality about them.’ Hopefully this project will allow me to show a little more of myself, both in terms of what I write about and in the image that accompanies it, and ultimately, become more comfortable with being me.