I have made no secret of the fact that I would say I am a feminist. I know that I would be thrown out of the group by those who would see me as a traitor to the cause because I am also a submissive, and a feminist who is also a submissive is of course a paradox not worth entertaining. However we do exist and actually there are lots of us around. A feminist is defined as being someone who believes in feminism. And feminism is defined as being the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of the equality of the sexes. This is what I believe: that women should have the same rights and opportunities, therefore meaning that it doesn’t matter what your gender is.

My belief actually goes beyond this in feeling that people should have equality of rights regardless of biological sex, gender identity or expression, and/or sexuality. To me this is no different that exacting equal rights and opportunities for all races. What I do not believe is that people are all the same. That is ridiculous. There are differences and some of these may be determined by the criteria above but that need not necessarily be the case. I see my views as being sensible, logical and rational and, although I know that many would share these views, I keep hearing the loud shouts and accusations of those from the other camps who seem to have missed the point entirely.

I am troubled by the move I see which seems to seek to reclaim masculinity at the expense of women. If some men feel they are less masculine than they wish to be then by all means step it up a notch – whatever makes you happy in life is what you should do. What I object to is that doing such a thing seems to involve changing more than just attitudes about themselves.  In order to have feedback and a benchmark, they seem to require women to be a certain way too which seems a little unfair and a little irritating. I do not see why we have to suddenly renounce the rights that we have fought for so that we can feed their idea of what masculinity is.

My brand of feminism gives me a choice and in that I choose to be submissive to my husband. I am not forced to do so by society in the same way that my grandmother was; I have the choice and this is what I choose. Neither am I forced to by my husband; he respects and values my submission to him, not because he is male and it feeds his ego and his misled view of the natural order of things, but because he values the fact that as an educated and privileged woman, I choose to submit to him. He doesn’t need my submission to be a man, or to feel masculine and he doesn’t have my respect and trust because he has a penis and can do more press ups than me. These things are irrelevant – not just to me but to the debate.

Society is evolving and as people we are evolving: this has brought, and will bring, change and I do understand that some people will feel threatened by that. But if they really took the time to try to understand and educate themselves about it, rather than reacting to the media, both social and mainstream, by jumping on a bandwagon, then I think this could all be quietly put to bed. But as it is, there seem to be parties either side who are all fired up and are setting expectations and making gestures which are not really helpful to the main body, who are quietly just happy, making their choices and getting on with things.

Just because you are a woman you don’t have to stay at home and serve your husband. You don’t even need to get married and, throw caution to the wind here, you may want to have a partner who is another woman or be the Dominant one in your relationship. Likewise, as a male, you have a plethora of options in front of you and they need not all fit neatly into the boxes that society has carved out in the past.  This sort of thinking is a backward step and will not lead to progress or happiness for the individual, even if it makes the few who are shouting feel better about the order of things.

Having made my feelings clear about the opinions of the wannabe male Doms pumping it out in the gym and sharing crude conquering strategies, while they use up their weekly allotment of sweary words over an ice cold beer, I have to also point the finger at those who are making gestures of the other kind: political correctness is not helping here guys. With your ill thought out gestures you are adding fuel to the fire of those who would burn us to our senses with our own desire, and take charge! They arrive back from the pub incensed and ready to take charge and show her what’s what, only to find that they are relegated to the spare room for bad behaviour with the boys, and it becomes a viscous circle. No winners there.

Which brings me to my original point – yes there was one before I became sidetracked. Female traffic lights? I recently read about the new “female” traffic signals installed in Melbourne as part of a gender equality campaign to combat “unconscious bias”. While I understand the sentiment of representation rather than exclusion, surely again the point has been missed. Why is the person wearing a dress? I am sensing an overt gender bias from that! Have the two sides actually come together to squeeze the middle into submission just for a quiet life? This sort of action really doesn’t help and the powers that be have surely missed the point. What people want is the right to be able to have equality of opportunity, choice and experience. Being able to cross at a set of lights which suggest I am wrongly attired hardly makes me feel that! Shouldn’t ‘she’ have long hair too? And wait, what about her child?

I am starting to feel that this is a conspiracy which will end in us all having to be extremely one way or another. Will I have to give up my job to say at home and wear a skirt or will I have to stop letting my husband spank me and then kneel to take his cock in my mouth? Where is my free will and choice? Where is my individualism as you all try to make me something that I am not. Why can’t I be what I want to be? Why is that such a threat? I must be stupid to have believed that the light was just meant as a symbol of a pedestrian and to follow it would keep me safe. I didn’t realise it had a penis, was a threat, and that I had to be neatly back my a box in order to be part of the world – I actually thought we were getting past all of that.

So what can we do when we, the majority, feel that things are going ok? Where is our voice? As a woman (biologically) who is female and feminine and straight and white and has a professional job, surely if I am feeling isolated by my thinking that doesn’t give much hope for the rest of  society? I should find it easy to feel included and fit in and yet I seem to be surrounded by a world that is slowly missing the point. Men can be men, women can be women, people can be people, and some can change their minds how they want to be viewed as often as they feel the desire to do that. It should matter not. So I will wait eagerly for the gender free traffic light to be erected in our village. Oh wait – that is what we already have!