I have often said that I think D/s is like a dance. This is because, if done well, it can be a thing of beauty. There is a lot of focus required, there are intricate steps to learn, you can add lib a little depending on your mood and it is one of those things where no matter how skilled you are, there are always new moves to learn and to try. The other thing about D/s is that, like dancing, it will not work if you both want to lead. You will become knotted up and frustrated; at worst you may end up tripping up your partner and falling on the floor, and at best you could find yourself treading on their toes and falling out with them for a time.
Like a dance, with D/s you need to keep your focus. If you let this slip, the consequences may be more than merely missing a step. You need your focus to keep you together and moving as one. When two people dance next to each other it can look very pleasant to watch, but it doesn’t have the charge and the connection of a couple who are locked together and seem to become one. By keeping your mind on the structure and being aware of what is going on around you, you are able to move along together, stepping out of the way of the things that might trip you up.
Anyone can dance, but it is only with practice that you really can dance well as a couple. If you want to move with your partner then you need to agree who is leading and who is going to follow. You have a routine and a structure to follow which will keep you working together as a good team and D/s is very much like that. We can all give it a go and initially it might seem that you take naturally to it, but eventually you may become tired, your energy may fade and you will need a set of rules to fall back on to help you to keep moving even when there are things in your way.
The longer you dance, the better you will get as your fitness and your skill level will improve. Not only will this mean that it all starts to look more effortless, but it will mean that it becomes somewhat second nature to do what you do. Like learning new dances, D/s will be a journey that is ever changing. While there are things that you will do all the time, the very nature of it means that you are likely to explore things together that you had not considered previously. Through communication that is open and honest, you will probably find yourselves pushing your boundaries and trying to learn a set of new steps.
To dance well as a couple you will respond to each other and will use movements which almost echo one another. In the same way D/s is like a dance where one partner is continually responding to the other by thinking about their needs, wants and feelings. This really, I think, is the beauty of a D/s relationship: one person does something which elicits a response in the other so it becomes a continual cycle of give and take. As with anything, it is likely that at times you will mess up, perhaps miss a step or even trip or fall, but with practice you will work together seamlessly so that you are quickly back in step with one another and are moving together once again.
In the end, couples who dance can end up having a connection that is so close that they can add lib and not have to stick to a well rehearsed routine. They spark off each other and become absorbed in the energy that they create together and I feel that the power exchange in D/s also allows this to happen. The intimacy that exists between you means that you can get to the point where one of you is able to do something which was not necessarily expected and the other is able to respond naturally to that in a way which matches the action itself and was the desired response of the partner who initiated it.
Of course , in order to follow your partner, there has to be an inherent trust there for both parties. You need to know that they are going to take you in the right direction and they need to know that you will indeed follow where they have decided to go and this takes some time to build up. Like any dance with tricky steps, there will be challenges along the way for your D/s too and you need to know that you can rely on each other to get your through. I always feel it is a bit like letting go and falling back and knowing that there is someone there to catch you. You both have your part to play as you need to be prepared to let go and he has to be ready to catch you but this can be exciting and exhilarating for you both.
Posted in Submissive Musings.