Last night we had set some time aside for each other as we had missed out for one reason or another. I guess that we both must have needed it because despite the stuff of life working to derail us with its usual tricks, we managed to get back to it and turn up the heat despite it all. I guess that perhaps HisLordship had taken some of my previous posts as food for thought because he seemed to be right there, on me and in my head.
I have also been trying to take my own advice and use the things that I think will trigger his Dom space. So after telling that I was feeling slutty he allowed me to suck him while he read my post. He calls this 3D Reading since I wrote that post, which is a little confusing as the whole idea was that it was 3D because the action matched the content of the post. I have learnt that what he means when he requests this is that I will suck him while he reads. I made sure that I positioned myself in a way which I thought would help to engage him and when that proved to be too much to allow him to concentrate, I shifted to continual eye contact while I worked on him so that every time he looked up, I met his gaze, which is something that I know he likes.
All of this must have helped because he soon told me to move and had me positioned over him, which is not something that I am at all comfortable with and he knows it. I felt a bit disappointed and slowly felt myself begin to wilt inside but I continued to focus on pleasing him. Suddenly he pushed me off and told me to lie on my back with my legs apart. I suppose I felt a little lost and flat; submissive but not the active sexy type, it was more of passive use me head-space. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them roughly behind my head. It had the uncomfortable roughness that I knew he can quickly capture and channel elsewhere, and that was pretty much the last analytical thought that I had.
He held my wrists with one hand and pulled my hair with the other. He then pushed him himself inside me and began to move. He told me that I should keep my eyes on him and not take them off at all. He began to thrust more deeply and more quickly and he let go of my arms but told me to keep them there. He pinched my nipples hard and told me to keep looking at him so that he could see my reactions to what he was doing to me. Things began to get a bit fuzzy and looking at him meant that I couldn’t think.
He threw my ankles up onto his shoulders and held my eye as he went even deeper into me. I was aware of my facial expression as he did this and could hear myself gasp and whimper. I was embarrassed by my responses and it felt suffocating somehow. He continually reminded me to keep looking at him and not stop and even though I could see him become lost in the moment at points and close his eyes to enjoy it, I did as he said. Looking at him seemed to magnify everything for me and I had no space to think at all. It was just him and that was as much as I knew. In that time and space I just existed for him and was defined by him. And by what he was doing.
He carried on watching my reaction closely as he fucked me hard. I knew enough to know that I was whatever he needed to be by now which which just intensified it even more. He warned me to never take my eyes from his and then told me that I would come any moment. I realised it was true and I whimpered some more. “You really are my little slut, aren’t you?” he asked and I confirmed automatically as there was no point in arguing. “Oh my God, you are actually going to squirt all over me,” he said. I was confused and wanted to tell him no, but now that he had said it I knew that it was true.
I just looked at him with a mixture of confusion, embarrassment, intense heat and I would imagine an equal mix of defeat or resignation. I could see from his face that he had taken complete control and was fully aware of this fact, and then the world seemed to burst around me as he came. We rested briefly and then he drew out the wand to continue and insisted that I remained with my eyes fixed on him. The whole thing became too intense as he brought me quickly to the point of orgasm again and I teetered on the brink as he toyed with me. Having wanted to come face to face with my desires and have to see them for real, I suddenly found it all too much and begged to be allowed to close my eyes.
He sort of laughed and took pity on me, remaining in control so that I never doubted for a moment that this was his choice. He mocked me a little and even though my eyes were closed and I could retreat into the familiar, I was somehow aware of what he could see and that in reality I was hiding from no-one. Everything was altered somehow and I am not sure that it will go back to quite the way it was. I feel that another part of me has been exposed, perhaps only to myself, but in his presence. He has seen me acknowledge that part of myslef and I am not sure now that he will let me forget that.
I don’t know whether the whole thing was planned or not but there was a fast shift between me openly submitting to him in an active way and him shifting me from that space to one where he could push me deeper. Whatever the thought behind it, something passed that has moved us further down a path that we have been edging down for a while and it has left me craving to go a little further.
Posted in Play, Scenes and Kink.