Home » Play, Scenes and Kink » Are we still kinky?

Are we still kinky?

kinky

This follows on from my post, Kinky, and actually ties in to my recent post, Ahhhhhh!. I said in my kinky post that sometimes I felt that I wasn’t really kinky anymore and that I wasn’t sure how important that part was to me. Although I wrote that post back in November of last year, it had actually sat unpublished as I never felt that it was finished and I wasn’t really happy with it. Today I went back to it in order to see if I could finish it off and I realised that I couldn’t because actually I have moved on from my thinking quite a bit since then. So I hit publish and, for once it back-dated when I wanted it to. 

My recent discussion with furcissy led me to thinking about our whole kinkiness again. Having thought about triggers and about humiliation, the whole thing about others watching made a bit more sense. Having to take ownership of my naughty desires, having them exposed to others, is one of the things which is a definite trigger for arousal for me and pushes me quickly into my submissive space. It adds a layer to what I am experiencing and this takes things to another level for me.

I can now see that, as things have become more usual for HisLordship and I, we have stopped seeing them as being the deviant pastimes that we used to. In essence, we have normalised our kink. We spend time talking to others who also practise these sorts of things regularly. While it is always exciting to read or talk to someone about the types of power exchange activities they incorporate, it becomes something which most of the people who I speak to regularly actually do. We chat about the various types of play, share wicked ideas with each other about how boundaries could be pushed even further, and swap notes, tips and ideas on the thingsmthat work for us. So not only have we come to see it as a normal part of what we do, we talk regularly with others who also see it in this way.

This is not to underestimate how lucky we feel to be able to explore each other and our darkest desires together, or the excitement and exhilaration that we can experience through doing this. I suppose what I mean is that where in the beginning there was an OMG – I can’t believe we did that last night, now it has become much more accepted that these sorts of things do happen and will continue to happen. We know that it is kinky but because it is usual for us, it doesn’t feel it anymore. Sometimes I have to remind myself what our vanilla friends would say if they knew the sorts of things that we got up to and I think that is what has to happen in order for us to put things into perspective.

So where am I going with all of this? Well hopefully back to the bedroom because I realise now that Sir and I have missed a trick. We get off on being kinky. If feeling dirty and deviant and doing things that some might see as ‘wrong’ or ‘forbidden’ gets us off, then we have messed up by allowing ourselves to stop using that to keep things hot. I wondered in my earlier post if the normalisation meant that we would need to keep pushing limits, adding things and going further in order to feel that again, but I realise now that what we have to do is to play around with the type of cognitive dissonance that furcissy writes about.

 

Instead of seeing the things we do as being usual within the healthy loving relationship that we have, we need to address them again as being the kinky, perverted pleasures that we used to see them as. And with that, we need to address the fact that we, as people, want to be doing them. We need to acknowledge and refer to them during time alone together, almost as if we were being viewed and commented on by someone who was not part of our circle of kinky friends. We need almost to bring the vanilla back into the bedroom, not in terms of the acts that we are doing, but in terms of how they would be perceived by the outside world and I think that by doing this, we will be able to quickly turn the heat up even more.

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15 thoughts on “Are we still kinky?

  1. Thank you for sharing an insightful post. What you are going through is actually quite common and normal. I refer to this as “plateauing.” Kink does begin to feel normal and so you naturally keep pushing further to rekindle the same feelings. This process is continuous and you will build off of your past experiences to see where it takes you. Often some taboo fantasy that seemed unrealistic at the start may now start to feel appealing and you may even work up the courage to try it.

    Any time you encounter the blog of a married D/s couple who seem to practice some extreme dynamics, it is almost always rooted in this. This is the stuff that made you cringe when you started, thinking, “no way in hell will I ever do that.” There’s a good chance that couple has plateaued say, a dozen times, and needed to continuously evolve to keep things moving.

    I would recommend expecting this will happen. It’s nice to have a bucket list 🙂

    Take care.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I imagine it is something which can easily happen to couples over time. Perhaps when you play in public there is more feedback from others which brings a different angle but I assume even then that you are with a crowd where everyone is doing those things together on a regular basis so the same thing may still start to happen. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The shoot at Memory Lane | Spank Me Hard! ... Please?

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