I am never sure whether I want to write about dips or not as it seems a bit negative. But they do happen and sometimes when you are stuck in one that is what you need to talk about. Although dips aren’t nice, I do think that they are a natural part of the ebb and flow of life and sometimes they are just where you end up. And depending on the circumstance, sometimes they are a place that you just need to endure until things perk up a bit and the stuff of life moves on to something easier to manage.
I think that for us, this has been a gradual dip that we have just slowly slipped into. It has come from the pressures on us and the fact that they have been much longer lasting that we had anticipated. Essentially I think that we are both tired of the struggle and have become a bit run down and lacking in energy and spark. This became apparent recently when actually we had a few pieces of good news. Usually this would have been something that we celebrated but we just sort of said, ‘Oh that’s good!’ and gave each other a hug.
I think that when you are under pressure, your natural defences kick in. We have kept each other close this past while and when something has happened it has happened to us, not to one or the other but to both. That is what the D/s does for us really. It keeps us at the centre so even when bad stuff comes along, we have a way to let it bounce off us rather than letting it come between us as we both try cope separately with our emotions. This strategy has been great as it has allowed us to cope much more easily with things that might have derailed us otherwise, but it has also taken its toll.
We have stayed afloat when so much sought to pull us under but eventually you get tired of treading water. Your determination to smash through each wave begins seep away and weariness creeps in. You are still floating but don’t expect to reach the shore anytime soon so sort of conserve your energy and just bob along together. I think that has happened to us now. We are tired – not of each other but of the continual struggle and that has certainly taken some of the energy and fire out of things for us at the moment. We are less focussed, less determined and less proactive than we can be at other times. We are probably less active in our D/s than we are usually too.
We are certainly not at the point of giving up. We recognise the need to step things up a bit and stop allowing things to wash over us. We know that we need to get out fight back and start engaging in life with the spirit that we did before. We are about to hit another transition and I think that will help to kick start things a bit. Having said all of that, although the D/s itself has been less active, it has held us together over what has been a challenging time and without it I am really not sure where we would be. We have been in survival mode and we have done that together as a team. Now we need to start to adjust and remove those layers of protection and get back out there again.
I suppose my role is to peel back the layers and stand there naked again. To make myself vulnerable, as in protecting ourselves from the world, we have probably hidden a little from each other too. I need to feel his control. I need to feel his love and his passion. I need to be his and to just let everything go again and stop worrying about what might happen. I need him to lead me back into that world that is exciting in its dark danger, to push my boundaries and test my limits again. We have been hesitant of this, I think, as what we faced in reality tested us enough already to go searching for more but now that we are entering a safer time I think that this will come and that we can embrace it again.