Today was a hard day. Things were full on at work and I also felt undermined by a couple of people. I took it to my manager and that didn’t make me feel any better as I didn’t feel supported. I also had some strange scenarios to manage. You know those ones where what happens is so odd it seems that it wouldn’t happen but you know that it just did? Well that was my day – the working part at least. I did what I always do and sent Sir a message to let him know – at that point I was angry about how I had been treated but later on it turned to me feeling more emotional because I felt let down. Continue reading
When life gives you three hours without anyone else in the house, you welcome it with open arms. This would be the case for HisLordship and I whenever the opportunity presents itself, but we have just spent seven weeks together, without even an hour when there was nobody else home. I harp on about loving our kids but hey guys, you need to co-ordinate your work shifts and nights out. Anyway, today presented us with a three hour window and believe me, Sir made the most of it.
Our son created the opportunity due to a newly acquired Saturday job, so I knew that after dropping him for his three hour shift, Sir would have instructions for me. It feels like so long since we have had more than nightly play-time that I was definitely ready for it and he noticed straight away. I don’t think it really would have mattered what he did, I needed that contact with him and I needed to let go. This brings me to the difference between play and a scene, because on the surface the two can be very close. Our play time tends to be quieter by necessity and shorter for the same reason. We still do all of the same things but not for as long and not with the same abandon.
So anyway, this impromptu scene could not have come at a better time. I have felt emotional all week, mostly due to my return to work, and have really missed the easy closeness that comes from extended time spent together. Sometimes if I am like this I need to talk first and get everything out there, but on this occasion I felt like I needed nothing more than to be completely his once more. So out came the play bench and before long I was secured fast with a strap across my stomach. He cuffed my wrists and secured them to my thigh cuffs. The kissing beforehand had nearly done for me and by the time I was secured, I was literally aching for him.
I don’t know if I have ever left myself and my baggage behind quite so quickly. Sometimes I can feel the release of control at the beginning but I felt this time that there was no resistance from my body or from my head. I lay there and just let him do what he wanted. I came quite quickly as soon as he told me I could. He had pushed a plug into me and he was touching my clit with a warm glass dildo when he slipped his fingers inside me and that was it. The first orgasm crashed over me without very much warning and I just let it happen. I relaxed back for a second but he carried on.
My legs were fixed open and he forbid me to close them or he would punish me he said so I tried not to move and just held them there. The first three times he went quite slowly building me up and allowing me to have a small time to recover. He used a variety of different toys and also used his tongue. He said that his intention was to fill me completely and I certainly felt consumed by him. I am not really clear about exactly how it went but that is pretty much a common theme for me. Part of the joy of a scene is that as I relax and let go, my cognition slows and seems to leave me, so it is never possible to write an accurate account of how it was. I think like my fantasises, my recall of scenes is made up of snapshots of the words, and the feelings and the emotions I have felt.
Being on the receiving end of play like this means that my interpretation of what happened is not always accurate. Sometimes I will be blindfolded and others, such as this occasion, I will be told to keep my eyes shut, so I am never exactly sure what he has used to make me feel like he has. Although the pleasure was overwhelming, there was also the pain of rougher play to give the pleasure it’s edge; the nipple clamps were on so long I actually screamed when they were released and the pussy flogger which he used near the start was replaced with firm slaps from his hand as he moved me deeper into the headspace he wanted. I can remember wanting to be completely overwhelmed and wanting just to be taken any way that he wanted me.
When he eventually brought out the wand he told me that things were changing. He said that he had gone easy on me and had allowed me breaks but things would be different now and there would be no let up. He asked me if I knew what he meant and I said that I did. He reminded me about not moving my legs but I really have no idea if I did or not and the thought of a punishment would not have been able to find it’s way into my mind anyway. The forced orgasms began and I am not sure how many I had. I know that I was vocal and felt myself approach the point where I can’t take anymore. He continued regardless and took me past the point where I am able to even respond and I feel like I am just hanging there, separate to my body, but riding the waves of the pleasure he has brought.
Afterwards, he moved me onto the bed and let me feed on him. I was still floaty and had no concept of time but was aware of him above me then and pushing into me. The heat of his body was all that I wanted and although I could hear the phone ringing, it seemed not to mean anything. Although I would have thought that I had nothing left to give, we came together and collapsed to lie there and recover. He checked his phone for the call and three hours become two. Our son had finished early and required a lift. So although not ideal, my aftercare consisted of a very quick hug, some tidying up of the bedroom and making the bolognaise sauce for the dinner this evening. This is clearly not ideal, but needs must, and he has made sure to keep close and keep his eye on me for the rest of the day. It is amazing what you can do with
three two hours alone on Saturday afternoon.
They are not really new rules, but with the start of the new term and my return to work, I was worried that I needed to have more structure in order to help with the change that it was going to bring. The holidays have been wonderful as HisLordship and I have been able to spend so much time relaxing together, but a lot of the rules and rituals that we had in place have been relaxed as they were not really required in the same way. Even the times that we set aside to talk, evaluate and review our D/s have not had to fit into the same routine as during the term time, because there has been so much more opportunity to talk at other times in the day. Continue reading
Sometimes I look at the world around me and I wonder why society seems to be so frigid about accepting kink and BDSM. I suppose it has this dark reputation and is viewed as being for those who are a little deviant or out there. However, other times I look and am confused by the double standards. As a teacher of sex education, I do know that here in stuffy old Britain, there is more on our compulsory curriculum about sex than in many of the US states, although I realise that it can vary a lot over there. We are teaching about sex and relationships and will inevitably end up covering the sort of misconceptions that teens are left with, when their most accessible source of information is often porn. Having said that, D/s remains a bit taboo and I have felt for a while that what we need to help our D/s cause is for a sophisticated celebrity couple to come out and endorse our lifestyle – maybe Will and Kate? Continue reading
Categorising and labelling in an essential part of our learning and understanding of what is going on around us. It helps us to link things and by understanding similarities and differences within and between these categories, to arrive more quickly at an interpretation of what we see. By doing this we can process information quite quickly and reach an understanding based on our past experience. We can then use prediction to hopefully make sense of it all and behave and interact in an way that is appropriate to the situation. Continue reading
I posted yesterday about Service. I explained that I’d had a bit of a light-bulb moment regarding the role that service could play in my relationship with HisLordship. Reading the book ‘Real Service’ was enlightening because it presented an alternative view to the one often portrayed in fiction as to what a full-time D/s relationship will look like. I have thought a bit more about the fact that I had not seen this before and have come to the conclusion that it may be because of my motivations for entering this sort of dynamic. Continue reading
I have always said that I am not a ‘service sub’. My evidence for this has been the fact that I don’t particularly like doing chores (it certainly doesn’t turn me on) and that I complete household tasks as and when required and because they need to be done, so it has never really been linked to my D/s relationship. However, one of my friends recommended a book called ‘Real Service’, see Little Pearls Site, where she wrote an excellent review of the book. This book has got me really thinking and I realise now that I was totally mistaken in my understanding (or rather my misunderstanding) of what a service submissive was. Continue reading