In my last post, Living the Happily Ever After, I described HisLordship as the handsome knight who has swept me off my feet and whisked me away to his dark castle where he will do the things that I desire but that have never been spoken. This reminded me of something that happened in my past, so it is not really D/s related at all, but as it is still part of my long ago journey, I thought I would still include it. Unfortunately it is the tale of a previous relationship which happened once upon a time and did not, itself, end happily ever after.
So once upon a time the King and Queen were sitting in their castle wondering why they were both so miserable. They had a lovely home, three lovely children and a lovely carriage outside so what could be wrong? Under advice they decided to ask for help. There was a wise old woman high on the hill who was said to be able to help sad couples to find their way back to each other, so one day, the King and Queen climbed into the carriage and rode to the top of the hill to visit the wise old woman.
The Queen had been feeling positive before she went to visit as she had heard such great things of these wise people. She had seen a tale in court where the couple had had to tickle each other with a feather, but not touch each other with their hands, and in time they had fallen back in love and touched wildly with their hands again, doing all sorts of interesting things to each other that they had never done before. She had actually tried something she had seen in another play where they had made a list of all the naughty things that they could do to each other and had swapped lists and ticked the ones they wanted to do, but she had tried that already and nothing on her list came back ticked. So she hoped that the wise old woman would be able to help them.
The Queen felt a bit awkward when they first arrived as the King had made the appointment and the wise old woman had obviously thought it was only for him. She asked him in front of the Queen if he really wanted her there and he said it was fine but the Queen felt a little out of place. The Queen saw straight away that the wise old woman seemed much more interested in the King than she was in her. The Queen supposed it must be because he was paying the bill and he was an important and powerful man with lots of money, where she was just the Queen, but she also thought that the wise old woman enjoyed the attention she was getting from the King.
The wise old woman asked the King how he felt about the Queen and the Queen was surprised by his answer because that was not at all how it felt to her. The wise old woman nodded and smiled and so it seemed that the King was giving all the right answers. The Queen noticed that the King was very good at using his body language to engage the wise old woman and take control, and thought then how successful he was at commanding a situation of this sort. She expected that was why he was so effective as a King. She also saw that his body was directed away from her and that he had his back slightly to her, as he laughed with the wise old woman and agreed to give her a ride to the station in his carriage at the end of the following appointment, and she wondered if this was why he was less effective as a husband.
The Queen began to feel quite vulnerable and a bit upset as the King told a story she did not recognise and she wondered how things could be fixed. But the wise old woman was wise and had experience in such things so she opened her heart and told her story. The wise old woman seemed less sympathetic to her. She did not smile as the Queen explained that she felt lonely and rejected and wanted to experience a closeness with her husband. The wise old woman told the Queen that she was being silly. She said that she was lucky to have such a grand man as the King and that no couple ever kept those feelings of desire that first attracted them to each other.
The Queen felt increasingly disheartened as she heard the wise old woman explain that each marriage got about six months of feeling excited by each other and then that was replaced by companionship. She told the Queen that any time spent with the King should be good enough and that to expect his undivided attention, or to look for intimacy with him was not realistic. She said that because he was important that made him tired and that he needed ‘slob time’ and that as long as the Queen was with him, even if she was just sitting beside him as he watched the news, this was reality and it was what most couples did.
The Queen fought back her tears of disappointment because she had hoped to be able to fix things with her husband. She knew that there were issues there and had hoped the wise old woman would be able to see through the clever tricks that people have to hide others from seeing what is really happening, but it seemed that was not the case. The Queen was wrong. She had looked for her once upon a time, married the King, and this was to be the ever after. She realised suddenly that the wise old woman was still talking and looking up from the notes she had taken while the Queen was speaking.
She told the Queen then that she was being unreasonable. She said that what the Queen was having was a mid-life crisis (she was only 35). She said that usually it was men who would suffer from this idea that there was more out there for them and that their life was destined to be more exciting. She said that they would then buy a new red carriage or something and they would be ok. She said that the Queen was waiting for some knight to come riding in on a white charger and whisk her away to her happily ever after and that was never going to happen. She said that really she just needed to book a holiday for herself and the King and be happy with what she had.
The King told the wise old woman that it had been very helpful and that they would visit again in two weeks and that he would deliver her to the station as previously promised to make things easier for her. Oh what a gallant King he was. As the King and Queen rode off in the carriage the Queen began to cry. They stopped and talked and she explained to the King that she had never felt so awful as she had done when the wise old woman spoke to her and said that if they visited again she was sure that the marriage would not survive and that neither might she, so she asked if they could spend the money on joining a gym so that they could do something as a couple instead.
The King and Queen continued for more years, living with the same sort of distance between them as neither the wise old woman or the gym had really changed the problem that was there. The Queen booked the holiday, and they went and pretended to have fun, until it got to the point that they went on holidays where they no longer pretended. The Queen did not believe that the old woman was right but she tried to make herself happy nonetheless. Sometimes, however, even when you are King and Queen and you live a beautiful life, it becomes obvious that you are both desperately unhappy and the situation begins to feel unsafe. And so the King and Queen decided not to live in the same castle anymore.
The King and Queen wanted to set a good example to the rest of the kingdom so they were very civilised and tried very hard to remain friendly. Not long had passed when the King fell in love and a new Queen came to the castle. Shortly after this happened something amazing occurred to the original Queen. She had a friend she had know for some time. He had been a good friend to her and she thought he was a kind man so she had arranged to meet him. Suddenly she heard the sound of hooves in the distance and her friend appeared, but he was now dressed as a Knight. He stopped his white horse beside her, pulled her up next to him and told her that he had come to claim her as his and he whisked her off to his castle and the rest, as they say, is history.
While I have written this as a story, the details of the visit to a marriage guidance counsellor are, sadly, accurate. I do not mean in any sense to dismiss the great work that some counsellors can do, but I think that you need to find the right person for you, and I do have issue with the wise old woman allocated to my ex and I. If only I could ride up there with HisLordship right now, and shout, “See old woman? It happened! IT HAPPENED!” it would make my story complete.
Posted in Submissive Journal.