This is the second part, or the follow up to my earlier post: Submissive Plateau?
HisLordship and I had already discussed some of my thoughts about the fact that I may have reached a plateau in my submission before I wrote the previous post. I had not really worked through my thoughts and so although he had an idea, reading the actual post helped to explain what I was feeling. He had also had time to think about how he felt about what I had said, so we were able to have a good discussion about it afterwards. As with anything like this, it takes us a while of mulling through things to be sure what we want to do, so although he had said that he thought he did want to push things a bit further, he hadn’t stated definitively that was what he was going to do.
That came following our talk on Wednesday when he explained what he wanted from our relationship and how he saw me fitting in and supporting that. I have to say that this was quite an exciting turn of events for me. It had felt, until now, that sometimes I have wanted too much and pushed too hard and I know that I have not always been as patient as I could have been. When I have an idea, I tend to think it over and over and over until it is ready and I am happy with it. It takes priority in my mind and there is an almost obsessive working through until I have found a resolution that I am happy with. Sir does not work like this and it has taken me longer that it should have for an intelligent woman, to realise that he will come to it in his own time.
This time I think I handled myself a bit better. I was able to raise it and then put it aside (really who knew I could do that?) It was brought back out by my post but that was because I wrote it and then felt uncomfortable posting something that was personal to him; so we talked about that part, he also said he was still thinking over what I had said, and then it was left again. I suppose this is an example of what I was questioning in the first place: my ability to put aside my tried and tested ways of doing things, and place trust in him that he had it in hand. Ironically, when we did come to discuss it fully, we talked about the deeper level of trust that would be required for a deeper level of Dominance and submission, and also the deeper level of reassurance that we would both need in order to be successful.
So Wednesday night marked a decision to try to push ourselves past some of those barriers that we had reached. I suppose I woke up on Thursday to the fact that things were pretty much the same. And if you love your life then that is certainly a good thing. BUT, there were subtle differences that began to take place. The changes were small but there was one occasion where I was picked up for something that would previously have gone. There was another where I received a swat for my tone and another where HisLordship stuck his ground and challenged me when I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I might have been.
It is not to say that these sorts of things didn’t happen before but he has definitely been more Dominant with me over the last few days and has pushed things into areas where he might have been less strict. This is working well for me. I can still hear my inner voice fighting things at times, but he seems to be pulling her into line. He had decided this morning, for example, that we would go on a hill walk. Well I really couldn’t be bothered and was not jumping up and down like the excited puppy he might have hoped for. I did even have a grumble on the quiet to my girlfriends about ‘the mountain he is making us climb’ and the ‘new regime’ but thankfully he doesn’t know about that – eeek.
Where I might have pushed back, I tried not to and where he might have changed his plans he certainly didn’t, so with cheer, he pushed us all on up the hill, despite it being further and steeper than the children had anticipated. At one point he stopped to take the picture above and commented that it might be useful! It was at that moment I realised that this was it. He was taking me past my submissive plateau and I was enjoying the journey towards a new summit. I still have no idea where any of this will go, but as with the previous stages, I do know that we are going together.
I have heard others talk of a wall that you can hit (to be fair these were the all knowing experts from the ‘one true way’). The sub-urban myth is that it hits at the end of one year, which I noticed went on to include the second year and then the third and then the fourth. My guess is that perhaps the wall was specific to that relationship and that it will continue, and my advice is if there are so many walls maybe you want to be looking for a door out, but it could be that I have just hit my third year wall (despite not noticing 1 and 2) a few months early, but then I am a self-starter! Whatever the reason, I was happy to be at my submissive plateau , what an amazing place to be, and am now also super excited to be on the path towards our next summit.