What is D/s really about?

DisgustedI was talking to my friend yesterday. She is vanilla but she knows about our lifestyle. She wants to hate everything about it so her first reaction to things is to screw up her face and say, “Oh I’d hate that!” but then she will ask me questions and delve deeper into what things might involve. I guess I’d describe it as a morbid fascination really – she doesn’t want to know but she can’t stop herself from wondering about it. I think that ultimately she struggles to resolve the loving and supportive couple she sees us as, with the stereotype in her head of the dark world of BDSM. Continue reading

To bruise or not to bruise

“I brand you tonight not only to mark you as mine, téa, but to celebrate your devotion and courage as my submissive. To others it may symbolize my ownership over you, but to me it ann

I have thought on and off about the marks and bruises which have been acquired in the process of having kinky fun as part of our D/s. Usually I would not welcome a bruise as I find it unsightly, and most of the shades it turns to do nothing for my complexion. The yellow is probably worst as it always makes my skin look dirty or grubby.  But D/s bruises and marks are a little but different for me, and I assume for others. I see pictures on social media, and particularly fetlife, where submissives are proudly showing these marks almost as badges of submission, and sometimes one can almost feel that it must not have been a great night if there is nothing to show for it in the days to come, so what is it that brings the appeal? Continue reading

The faces of my submission

masks (2)

I have been thinking for a while that my submission has a few different faces and after Dark and Dominant’s post popped up on my reader, I decided I was ready to write about it. I said in my post about Active Submission that I thought that once my husband agreed to this dynamic, he would be the Dominant and my role would be to respond to him. That is one side to my submission but as the post explained, there is also another more active role where I am behaving submissively and doing things to serve him, without necessarily being asked to. I want to be the obedient, compliant and patient sub. But I also need to be the thoughtful, caring, and loving sub. Then there is the kinky, sexy, adventurous sub who wants to be pushed and explore those forbidden fantasies. And finally there is another part of me that is the vulnerable, playful and childlike sub. Continue reading

Controlling me

Control

I was reading a post by Naughty Nora this morning, ‘The Surrendered Wife’, and it made me think that the strategy she was writing about, detailed in the book she had been reading, was one of the ones that I would use to help pupils to tackle anxiety. In her post, Nora explained one of the exercises that the author of the book, Laura Doyle, suggested you do: Pick a situation where you have been controlling with your husband. “Ask yourself what it was you were afraid would happen?  Was your fear realistic? What was the worst-case scenario? Did needing to control the situation justify losing intimacy with your husband?” This led me to consider the relationship between anxiety and control and the part it played in my D/s.  Continue reading

Active Submission

Active submission is the topic for the chat we are having tonight at The SafeworD/s Club so, as I was doing some preparation for that anyway, I thought that I may as well form it into a post. The great thing about talking about a topic is that you are able to learn from others so I am sure by tomorrow I will have some revisions, or at the very least some additions but hopefully this will be enough thought to get things going. I wrote a post Actively Submissive when we had not long started D/s. I actually wrote it for another site and it was never published so when I started my blog it seemed a natural thing to publish it here, but reading back I see that the style is more tailored to it’s original destination than it is to the style that I have developed so it reads more prescriptively than I am really comfortable with now; however, my opinion is still the same in that I believe that sometimes a more active form of submission is needed when you are living a 24/7 D/s dynamic.  Continue reading

A Tale of Long Ago (or don’t believe the wise old woman)

fairy-tale

In my last post, Living the Happily Ever After, I described HisLordship as the handsome knight who has swept me off my feet and whisked me away to his dark castle where he will do the things that I desire but that have never been spoken. This reminded me of something that happened in my past, so it is not really D/s related at all, but as it is still part of my long ago journey, I thought I would still include it. Unfortunately it is the tale of a previous relationship which happened once upon a time and did not, itself, end happily ever after. Continue reading