Three weeks to go, and counting. I am looking forward to the end of term, and a well earned break for a number of reasons but the main one is that I am excited to have the time and energy to invest into my submission. This is not to say that I do not see myself as being submissive now because I do, but I am really excited that I will be able to really concentrate on it and step things up a bit. I think that I see myself as wanting to be a cross between the ideal 50s housewife and a sex slave come sex siren. I know, of course, that in reality this is not likely to happen – after all we still have 7 kids who are in and out of the house – but I feel that I will be one step closer to being who I want to be, for me and for HisLordship.
I really like doing the domestic bit. Usually I take responsibility for planning meals etc and I also like to bake but I am looking forward to being able to do much more of this. Often when things are busy it can become very functional so it will be great to have the time to think about things to make for Sir and to spoil him a bit. He has also done much more of the domestic things due to him being at home more recently so it will be nice to take some of that back on again. These things are good for my mindset as I love to feel that I am doing things to please and spoil him.
I think that having more time will allow me to be much more attentive to his needs and the things that please him. Although grand gestures are always welcome, so much of what helps to build and sustain a relationship comes from the little everyday things that we do for one another. I feel constantly touched by the regular indications that HisLordship is thinking about me and putting my welfare first, and I look forward to more time during the day to show him the same through my actions. During my work days I become very involved in what I am doing and it will be a relief to have more time in order to be focussed on fewer things.
Another thing I have noticed is as the term roles on and I become generally more tired, my creativity and imagination drops a bit. This has an impact on things as I am less likely to make suggestions and to push myself out of my comfort zone. I am looking forward to getting back to doing this more, to coming up with ideas, sharing fantasies, and generally being more sexually available and adventurous. I have always found that the more we are around each other, the sexier I feel and that has a really effect on me mentally and emotionally. I will always endeavour to follow HisLordship’s instructions and commands as pleasing him is important, but when I feel good about myself I will be much more engaged with the physical side and will be more actively seeking it out, which I know that he really likes.
Another thing that I am looking forward to is having more time on my hands to read and write. Blogging has become a big part of my submission in that it helps me to maintain the right mindset. I began my blog at the end of July last year having realised when I was on holiday that it was something that I wanted to do and it was great to have the time to really get established with it. It is interesting to see how it reflects the ebbs and the flows of the year, and I can see the increase in the number of posts over the school holidays, and the greater variety in the topics that I have written about.
I have written more that once about how I feel sometimes that I am split into the different roles that I fulfil, and I think that what I am looking forward to most is spending more time and energy being the person that I see as the real me. The honesty of the D/s has allowed me to be much more open with myself, with HisLordship, and in the posts that have been written as a result. I love the other roles that I play but sometimes it does feel like spinning plates and I am really excited about being able to slow down and concentrate much more on us.
We strive as a couple to keep ourselves at the centre and to have everything else that is important to us revolving around us, but it can take a lot of focus to do that when things are really busy. We are fortunate that we have a structure which really helps us to do that and also that we have a chunk of time coming up which will allow us to look closely at where we are and make plans to enjoy the things that really matter. With the smell of a freshly baked cherry and almond cake in the air, I will get up from finishing my latest post and crawl over in my stockings and suspenders to kneel at his feet and ask to worship him. 3 weeks and counting!
Posted in Submissive Journal.