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Consensual Non-Consent

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This is a post for a number of reasons.  It is partly a follow on from my last post on Consent and D/s which became too long to add anything else. It is also partly in response to last weekend when we were away together and HisLordship requested the presence of the birthday Elf. And finally, I received another prompt during the week as part of the Loving BDSM 30 days of D/s and it asked about consent and consensual non-consent.  Whatever the stimulus, one way or another I have had a week where I was not able to read anything never mind write anything, so it has taken a long time in coming. 

Sir and I have talked for a while about trying some ‘resistance play’.  We both liked the idea of a bit of a struggle and thought it might be something different to experiment with. We hadn’t really talked fully about this and the ways that we might work it into our scenes and play in order to explore it, but I guess that it was floating around somewhere in the background.  Anyway, as I said earlier, as part of his birthday celebrations Sir had requested a return visit from Elf.  For those of you who follow my blog you may remember that the naughty Elf was a gift on Day 16 as part of my submissive advent calendar.  I realise that I never actually posted about the antics that took place, although I know that Sir did include some details on his blog, but I think that he enjoyed the naughty and cheeky way that elf behaved and was looking for a re-run.  I should point out here that elf is not really like the usual me and is also not particularly submissive, so there is definitely a bratty, pleasure driven side in there somewhere just waiting to get out when the time is right.

So it happened that as a naughty elf was walking in the woods last Saturday, it came upon a beast. Not one to be scared easily, the elf did not immediately run and hide, but approached the beast with some sense of bravado and demanded to know what it what it was doing. Elf commented on the beast’s lack of fur but began to stroke it regardless.  Elf noticed then, that the beast had a front tail and the stroking of this, and the area surrounding it, appeared to arouse the beast somewhat.  The beast then declared that he would have the elf and show it the full magnitude of his marvellous front tail. Elf being elf was intrigued but was far too playful to give in without a fight. And so, a struggle ensued whereby the beast tried to use his strength and brute force to conquer the elf, and the elf tried to wriggle and squirm its way from the beast’s grasp, distracting the beast with rude and foul remarks designed to make the beast lose his concentration and throw him off his game.

The tale of the elf and the beast in the woods is a much longer one than this of course, and it took a few unexpected twists and turns along the way! But suffice to say that the issue of consensual non-consent was a large part.  In order for there to be a struggle , there had to be a battle of wills and also of strength. Both the actions and the words used had to communicate this in order for it to really work. Fortunately our hotel room was at the end of a quiet corridor and, being a sunny afternoon, there were also fewer people around.  However, had anyone chanced upon our door, they would have deduced from the squeals and the words exchanged and the tone of voice and the thuddy movements and sounds of combat, that this was not a consensual exchange. Did elf say that what it wanted was to be roughly taken by the beast? No of course not for where would the fun be in that? Rather the thrill of the chase and charge of the struggle and the heat that was caused by the exchange added to the final submission when the fight was over and the elf, huffing and panting, finally had to submit to a greater power.

Perhaps the role play here gave us the freedom to explore by tapping into lesser used parts of our characters, but really this is just an extension of what we often do.  Even HisLordship and missy pull on different connections than those that P and E draw on to function within their different roles. We are husband and wife, Dom and sub, and everything else in between. We can become so lost in the vanilla people that we also are, that it can be good to release and forget those characters for others who are more carefree and fun and more focussed on mutual pleasure. I think that even without the cloak of beast and the elf, we enjoyed the struggle and the resistance, and this is something that we fully intend to explore again in a number of different forms.

Being taken with force appeals to me on so many levels. I like to feel small and vulnerable and to be reminded of Sir’s strength and power. I find it so sexy when he ‘forces’ me whether that is in terms of the physical, or simply in asserting his will over me. I also like the roughness and aggression that the abandoning of regular convention brings out in him and I can actually see the dark desire in his eyes.  There is a feeling of safe danger, which I know is an oxymoron, but so many of the feelings I experience through this are seeming polar opposites which actually merge together to create something new.  Giving consent to be used by Sir as, when and how he likes was a clear part of my submission from the outset.  In fact, it was actually something that I had fantasised about for a while and something I saw as being a key part of the relationship, even the before D/s.

Was consent present at the time? Yes without doubt it was.  Did we sit down at that moment and discuss and agree that what was to take place was the feigning of consent in order to further our scene?  No we didn’t because we didn’t need to and that would have spoilt it.  We know each other well enough to know that we are not crossing any boundaries that we don’t both want to cross together, and this is because we are dedicated to continual open and honest communication with one another that has allowed us to reach this point. The love, respect and trust is there and so we are both able to let go and enjoy each other in complete safety.  That is consensual non-consent and the beauty of it is that it gives you the freedom to let go of many of the societal norms that would usually hold you back, and just let go and enjoy the more primal part of yourself and of your partner.

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13 thoughts on “Consensual Non-Consent

  1. When you get the point in a relationship where you understand each other enough and trust each other enough that you can play and experiment without a full briefing before – that’s powerful (and fun!). 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  2. goodness I have missed reading your amazing words…. I shall leave these words here and spend my afternoon hopefully immersed in your words rhat I have failed to cstxh.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. missy the elf was naughty
    traipsed through the woods so haughty
    tumbled over a beast
    not frightened in the least
    until he stated wanted to feast

    they struggled and grappled
    ran through glades so dappled
    until the beast got her measure
    stalked at his leisure
    and satiated his wicked pleasure

    a lesson to all elves so petite
    manners may be demure and neat
    but when seeking a mate
    it’s best not to procrastinate
    or hulking beast will dominate

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Been with my Sir 39 yrs and the love, respect and trust we have for one another = Safety! I can relate to this Missy because I do love rough play, it turns me on. Very nice writing lady.

    Liked by 2 people

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