I have been thinking a little more about what I wrote in my previous post about the fact that feeling feminine also made me feel sexy. I concluded that was part of the reason the D/s worked for us but that was something that I haven’t really thought much about before. I have also come across some discussion recently about femininity and what that means and I suppose that was also in the back of my mind. I definitely feel sexier since we have been D/s and I attribute a lot of this to the work that HisLordship has put in to how I see myself. He has certainly helped me to tackle some of the body issues that I have and by exposing my vulnerability, has enabled me to grow in confidence. But I think that it is more than that and some of it is because I generally feel more feminine in terms of my behaviour.
I would not describe myself as shy and retiring or see myself as small in personality but I do like feeling physically small and delicate. I have to say that at 5ft 7 I am not short but Sir’s 6ft 2 means that I can feel a bit little next to him. He is not double my weight but is close to it and that is something that I also like. He is physically much bigger and stronger than me and that has the effect of making me feel better about myself. His physical Domination of me is something that I not only enjoy, but also makes me feel sexy. I realise that this is a bit of a stereotype of the masculine feminine roles but for us it works well.
When we were first together Sir was very careful never to put his full weight on me until I explained that I wanted to feel that. Admittedly I cannot support his weight on top of me indefinitely but to feel his body squashing the air out of me is really hot for a while (please be careful if you try this at home lol)! For me feeling more equal in size does not work as well – it makes me feel clumsy and less feminine than I want to. I do realise that a lot of this is in my head and at the end of the day we are what we are, but I think that choosing a partner who is physically bigger and stronger than me is something that I have consciously done. I am attracted to people who make me feel attractive.
Another thing I have noticed is that as Sir has taken control from me in other areas, I have felt better about myself. In a previous relationship where I had to be the ‘leader’ it had quite the opposite effect. I never took the Dominant role in the bedroom but it certainly fell to me in other areas and I ended up feeling very maternal, which again did not make me feel sexy. In the end, it took the attention and comments of others outwith that relationship to make me feel feminine and validate that so it is so great now that I can have that from within the relationship.
Being submissive definitely contributes to me feeling feminine and sexy but obviously I am not suggesting that others would feel the same way. I have taught too many lessons at school where we look at the fact that physiological sex, gender identity, gender expression and sexuality do not have to follow a set pattern and that they will be on a (possibly moving) continuum, for me to be simplistic about it. However, for me it is simple as I conform to the ‘standard’ of a female, who feels female, wants to be seen as being female, and is attracted to men, so I realise that what makes me feel feminine and sexy will not necessarily be the same as for other people.
I think that a lot of feeling sexy is to do with feeling good about yourself so really it makes sense that finding a dynamic that fits will contribute to that. A dynamic where that role and the expression of who you want to be is continually being reaffirmed is also going to help, so we are on to a bit of a win win. As far as the relationship is concerned it is a good fit for HisLordship too as he as naturally masculine as I am feminine so it is easy to work things out to what suits us both best. I think that a lot of it is down to your own perception as to what makes you feel good, so as long as you find what works for you, then I think that you should keep doing it.
Posted in Submissive Musings.