I often feel that things build for me physically until I get to the point that I have a need for something more extreme. This can be all consuming sometimes and it feels like it will only be properly satisfied by being physically overwhelmed by HisLordship. I suppose it is a bit of a reset but I don’t think that I become bratty in the hope of attracting discipline as it is more of a sexual thing. It feels that it is more about my body than my mind, although I realise that the two are closely linked in terms of the needs being met by his Dominance of me.
As a submissive obviously you are required to relinquish control of both body and mind at points, but the amount you give of yourself will depend on the circumstances and the situation. Submitting your will is something that you can improve with practice and it does become easier to put your own thoughts and desires aside when required as you get further in. Offering your body is part of your submission but to really let go of control of it takes more effort. We have an unwritten rule that I am Sir’s 24/7 to be used as he sees fit, but in reality his demands are usually things that I can accommodate without too much difficulty. I think that because you are both working together to meet the other’s needs then you find a good balance between you.
Of course sometimes there is the curve ball that is designed to test your limits and that will always be an indication of your true submission in how easily you can bend your will to his. Other than that, it is probably only during a scene that my complete submission is required. I can feel the control being taken from me, slowly, until I reach that place where I exist only as his. But there are these other times when the need has built up and it sits unrequited and waiting, and that is when I know that I am mentally ready, without there being any build up to it. I suppose the build up has come from life and only with something more extreme can it be calmed.
This is not something new and I have posted about it before in The Fire and i need You but it is something which is part of the cycle I think. For me, it requires something rough and all consuming. Something completely physical, probably painful to a degree, and overwhelming. I have said in previous posts that things like anal and fisting will meet this need as they leave me truly vulnerable and feeling as if I have been literally absorbed by him, but other things can work too as long as they take me past my usual boundaries. In having my body fully at his mercy, my mind can quickly shut down and I will be left feeling calm and at peace. Giving every shred of yourself is not easy to do but in the right mindset, allowing it to be taken can be a little easier, and it is only when I am in that place that I feel the full force of my submission.