I wrote about Vulnerability in a previous post and my main focus then was reflecting on the journey that I had been through in terms of making myself more vulnerable to HisLordship. I see it as being such an important part of our relationship and I wrote about how I have come to see vulnerability not as a weakness but as a strength, as it binds you and allows you to become more intimately entwined. Deep intimacy requires that you are open and transparent with your partner and, although this can make you feel a bit uncomfortable or anxious, with practice this is something that you can and will be able to change.
It can be a huge leap to share your worst failures or mistakes, your biggest fears or most private dreams, not to mention your dark kinky thoughts and your hopes and plans for the future. Even to share with someone the happenings of the day and how they impacted upon you may take some encouragement. But if you are able to share these things, going beyond the mere recounting of events, and opening a window to how they affected you, then you will be well on your way to creating a stronger bond and a more intimate relationship with your partner. From this sharing of your hidden self will come not only greater trust, but also a greater sense of harmony. You will feel closer and be more inclined to express your thanks and appreciation of the other person. Not only will this leave you feeling generally happier, but I think that level of deep connectivity with each other means that you will experience a higher degree of physical closeness and openness too.
True intimacy requires that you let go of control, risk being vulnerable, and accept that this may cause you some anxiety. Often when we experience anxiety it is about our perception. It is because the perceived difficulty of the task outweighs our perceived ability to carry out the task successfully, so in this situation we are aware that we are showing our partner something intimate about ourselves and are unsure how that will play out. Experiencing a little anxiety is not a bad thing though. It heightens our senses and is an emotion which activates a physiological reaction. It will get your adrenaline going and so lends itself well to a physical response as it can create feelings which are quite similar to excitement. Basically, this sort of mild fear can be easily turned into sexual energy.
Really, the risk in revealing more about yourself to a partner, is small. However, even if you have a relationship where there is trust and love and no reason to doubt it, your emotions still take over as you are taking a chance. When your partner responds in a supportive way, you are overwhelmed with a sense of being understood and valued and feel the need to show them what that means to you. The emotions created from the original risk are soon channelled into a positive response and this helps not only how you feel about the other person, but also how you feel about yourself. And we all know that feeling good about yourself also helps with sexual energy and desire.
This sharing of ourselves works in a number of ways. It is a clear part of The Power Exchange that helps to feed Dominance and submission by building and sustaining a sense of trust and creating intimacy. You will be happier together, more content with each other and be more likely to be motivated to show your appreciation of each other. Taking a risk and exposing yourself to another person can also be exhilarating for you and help to build your self confidence and sense of self worth. This can lead to a more exciting and more fulfilling relationship.
In addition, being accepted for who you are is a key factor in building self identity and self esteem. In embracing what is at the heart of a person, you will send a clear message that you are there for them, therefore enhancing your connection with them – together we are stronger. It not only helps us on an individual level to have another perspective on something but is also an important part of being able to meet the needs of the other person. The more open they are able to be about who they are and what their needs are, the more successful you will be at being able to fulfil those dreams and desires. None of us are mind readers but the better you know the other person the more you will be able to anticipate their reactions and responses and support those.
I love the intimacy that HisLordship and I share and I honestly never want to recover from that. It has, and is, not always easy to be vulnerable but we certainly reap the rewards of the efforts we put in. Our Trust in each other is huge and this provides an environment where we can be accepted and celebrated for being the people we are. We enjoy each other and we grow together, which is a truly lovely thing. I cannot imagine a life beyond this and am thankful for what we have. I was asleep for so long that sometimes I do feel consumed and overwhelmed by the intensity of it all but I also feel that I am home and this is where I want to stay.
Posted in Building a D/s Dynamic.