It’s all in the head – the psychological side of sex

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I think that for many couples, the way that each of them becomes aroused can be very different.  With us, that is definitely the case as HisLordship is much more turned on by the physical and I am much more likely to be stimulated by the psychological aspects. For me, it really is all in my head, or a lot of it is anyway. This difference can be seen through our approach to sex too as he will tend to seek an emotional connection through sex, whereas I will tend to seek sex more when I feel there is already a strong emotional connection. I think that for some couples this can make things hard and that is why the D/s works well as the physical and emotional connections are continually being reinforced through the power exchange, so both are present and the two aspects become much more entwined than in the type of relationship that we had before.  Continue reading


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711a6a0c171c2321f568aa4dbb829d3dI find that sometimes I can become caught up in life and become passive rather that active in affecting how things play out in our relationship. As a submissive I can justify this, thinking that I have offered myself, therefore I have done my part. But really that is not being fair to my relationship, or to HisLordship. Being submissive does not mean that I am not responsible for contributing in a positive and active way, although it is easy to fall into that, and sometimes when I take stock I realise that my actions have been quite passively submissive. Is it right for me to expect action from my Dominant, simply because I have offered myself in an open-ended way? I am laughing at that expression, considering the type of activity we often engage in. True, I am open (both ends) for use as he sees fit but have I done my part just because this offer is on the table? Continue reading


To have expectations can be a great thing. It allows you to set standards and to measure where you are in terms of meeting your targets. Within a D/s relationship expectations are really important as they are a key part of the commitment that you are making to the other person. It will be expected that you do and provide certain things and these things will be clearly communicated and, hopefully, reinforced by their response to them. However, in this sort of relationship the expectations on you both are really high and sometimes they cannot be met for whatever reason. This can lead to a strong feeling that you have messed up or let someone down.  Continue reading



I have been thinking a little more about what I wrote in my previous post about the fact that feeling feminine also made me feel sexy. I concluded that was part of the reason the D/s worked for us but that was something that I haven’t really thought much about before. I have also come across some discussion recently about femininity and what that means and I suppose that was also in the back of my mind. I definitely feel sexier since we have been D/s and I attribute a lot of this to the work that HisLordship has put in to how I see myself. He has certainly helped me to tackle some of the body issues that I have and by exposing my vulnerability, has enabled me to grow in confidence. But I think that it is more than that and some of it is because I generally feel more feminine in terms of my behaviour. Continue reading

Hot Stuff

So I got my need met, and some. As it turned out, Sir had planned to play anyway so my cry for help was well timed.  I thought, actually that he hadn’t seen my post as I published it just before we started watching a film together with my daughter.  After that we went to bed and he hadn’t mentioned anything about it so I assumed that he had not read it.  I guess he did this while I was in the bath or when I was waiting for him to come through.  He had told me to lie on top of the covers to wait for him. He handed me a garter to wear on my right leg and told me how he wanted to find me upon his return.  Continue reading

A need to be used

I often feel that things build for me physically until I get to the point that I have a need for something more extreme.  This can be all consuming sometimes and it feels like it will only be properly satisfied by being physically overwhelmed by HisLordship.  I suppose it is a bit of a reset but I don’t think that I become bratty in the hope of attracting discipline as it is more of a sexual thing. It feels that it is more about my body than my mind, although I realise that the two are closely linked in terms of the needs being met by his Dominance of me. Continue reading

Come Fly With Me

il_340x270.595868837_gyodA journey always allows time for reflection and the way home from a nice few days break was no exception to this.  I am not sure why, but a flight out of Heathrow always includes a long period waiting for takeoff. With a window seat you become quite aware of your place in the queue and have a good vantage point to watch all the other aircraft beginning their ascent. It seems that little happens for a while and then, with a massive expense of energy, the plane moves gathering energy, and is quickly airborne. This always gives me a real sense of being small in comparison to the world but also reminds me of the potential for something amazing to happen. I am not scientific in any way and the whole experience of flight, whilst a regularly commonplace occurrence, always seems a bit unbelievable at the same time. As we burst through the cloud line to sit above it, it made me think of the way I see our relationship.  Continue reading