Sometimes it seems that there is a lot of focus in D/s relationships on kinky sex. Personally, Sir and I love being kinky and exploring that previously denied part of ourselves. But not all sex has to be kinky, and I think that when you enjoy a frequent and regular physical connection, it is not possible to keep things on the edge all of the time. There are some things that we would always want to include in our exchanges and I think that both of us struggle now to really get much from it when things are completely vanilla but as long as there is a twist of Domination and submission there, then we end up feeling pretty satisfied.

Building a healthy physical relationship is about connecting emotionally and that can be done in a variety of ways.  It might be that you want to explore with whips and chains, paddles and canes, clamps, spreaders, rope and everything else associated with pleasure and pain. If you have a relationship where you have the time and the logistical requirements to allow you to explore in this way whenever you want to connect then I am sure that you will take full advantage of the fact, but many, like us, do not have those opportunities.  And I think that is normal.  While we try to keep each other at the centre of our lives, we do have lives and really that is about being mindful to each other and trying to meet the needs of the other wherever possible. Often we hit the pillow, exhausted and late for bed, looking simply for a loving connection from each other.

Although some may consider a power exchange to be a kink in itself, for us it does not feel like one. It is the essence to our interaction though and it is that, not necessarily the kink, that takes things to another level for us.  The kink is possible because the trust and connection that is built though our dynamic allows us to explore our deepest desires, some of which are probably considered quite kinky.  But it is the fire that is born of the power exchange which makes our sex hot.  It is the connection we get through the emotional interactions between us which brings us the intimacy and takes things to another level.  In a normal everyday life – I think that is still what we have – things won’t always be full on scenes with an endless toy box of goodies and props.  It will be about the two of you enhancing that emotional connection with a physical expression of how you feel.

HisLordship loves to control my physical responses and make my body dance for him and sing his tune.  I love to be his play thing and give myself to him to do with as he wishes.  But sometimes what he wants is simple.  It is loving and giving and is always about the sentiment behind the touch.  What I find hot is him.  It is not about the instrument he wields (well one maybe) but about the way he makes me feel.  He is in my head and can make my world become his without bringing anything else with him into the bed.  Great sex is not about the toys you play with but about the connection that you share and that can come from even the most straightforward of exchanges if the foundation is there.

So here’s to kinky sex and kinkless sex, and may they both fit neatly into the life that you live.