the-cognitive-triangle-one-time-through3All behaviour is communication whether it is based on something that you say or something that you do. So the way you behave will say something to those around about you about what you are thinking and what you are feeling.  Your behaviour will also provoke a thought, a feeling and a subsequent response from other people too and I think that this is an important thing to remember, especially when thinking about how and what you are communicating to others.

Most of us form secure attachments with those people who are close to us and this is based on a trust which has been developed over time.  As long as we have formed a secure attachment in our earliest childhood then this will make up a large part of our natural default. We believe that those who love us and care for us are thinking about us, want us and will ultimately be there for us.  Although it is nice when they show us that they are, these sort of attachments do not have to be continually proved through actions.  For example, my eldest daughter lives away from home (sometimes!) and even though she does not see or speak to me every day, she knows that I love her, think about her and will be there for her if she needs anything.

In a Dominant submissive marriage, I have discovered that for us to maintain the intimacy and connection we desire, we have to openly express what we are thinking and feeling through our behaviour, words and actions on a very regular basis. In order to do this successfully it helps me to question where I am with it and question whether my behaviour towards HisLordship reflects my thoughts and feelings with regard to my submission.

  1. Does He know that I am thinking about Him? What things have I done to show him that today? What else can I do to let him know that he is at the front of my mind? These are the sort of questions that I need to ask myself as part of my reflection. If I am not sure what his answer would be if someone were to ask him if I was thinking about him and how he knew, then I know that I need to try harder.
  2. Does He feel my want and need for Him? Have I shown him that I crave his control or Dominance? Have I indicated that I need his protection and love? Have I connected with him physically and let him see my desire for him?  Again, I need to ask myself these things each day and then act upon the answers if I want our dynamic to be strong.

I think that it is all too easy to become lazy when you are in a good relationship. I watch people wait for special occasions to show their true appreciation of the person they love instead of showing it through the little things every single day.  I don’t think that is enough for the sort of relationship that we have and when we find ourselves not putting in that extra effort, things easily begin to slip a little and the connection starts to fade. These days we are pretty good at getting back on the right track and I find that if I ask myself these questions then it helps me to gauge where I am with everything.  It is often easy to see the things that someone else hasn’t done and react to that but I do always think it is helpful to take a good hard look in the mirror and wonder what else you could do to fix things yourself.

Speaking of which ……… I think that there are probably some things that I could be doing right now to make a certain person feel my love.